Terminal ill friend

[kitten_uk2]

i work in a bingo centre and one of the regulars has got cancer and a brain tumor, shes had this for over a year, before she got ill i used to talk to her about just about everything, but now she is ill i just dont know what to say to her as i feel so upset when i see her, these last few days she is looking really bad and i want her to know that i do think of her, do you think it would be out of turn for me to buy her some flowers as ive not really spoke to her properly while she has been ill, i'd much rather her see her beautiful flowers while shes alive than send them to her funeral, not sure what to do though as i dont want her to think i've just got sympathey for her.

[nicola_red]

Course it wouldn't be out of turn.  I can't see how she wouldn't appreciate flowers.  She will be aware how difficult other people are finding talking to her so she'll probably understand!

[Robinia]

It would be lovely if you bought her flowers kitten.  No need to make a big deal of it, just say you saw them & thought she might like some. Talk to her as you normally would, ask her how she's doing, or ask her opinion (on something thats happened at work for example)  Just don't try too hard but most importantly  of all please don't avoid her, she's still the person she always was.  When you're ill the last thing you want or need is to be treated like an outcast or an embarrassment.

It's a lovely thought, all the best. x

[Eels]

Often when people are ill we feel it's hard to talk to them normally - but by not talking to them we are actually excluding them from life, and for some that is a life that is slipping away from them.  The kindest thing you can do is strike up your relationship again and let her know that you're still there for her.  That's the best gift you can give her. 

[Chessman]

Hi Kitten, I judge from your posting that the illnesses are pretty much advanced, I feel for you in this situation, i've been there myself.  I don't know if your friend can understand what your saying, but if you can, and it is hard, talk to your friend, tell her whats happening at the Bingo, give her the best wishes of the people there, (even if they haven't), but just being there for her, may bring some comfort, she'll know she's with a friend, and if she normally appreciates flowers, then i'm sure she'll appreciate it if you bring her some.

Maybe someone else can give you some better advice. I wish you all the best.

[georgit79]

She's probably feeling awkward too as she will be able to sense that you're being a bit weird with her. Give her the flowers, have a chat. She's still the same person and will be chuffed to bits that you're thinking about her.

x

[Amelie]

I've been there a few times. Treat them as normal or you'll make her feel different. Good luck.

[WendyS]

One of the most thought provoking things ever said to me was a comment by a terminally ill friend who said "Everybody is happy to help you to live well but nobody ever seems to want to help you die well".  I think this is because confronting prospective death directly with the suffering individual is so difficult. So buy her flowers, give her your friendship and all the support you can.   Let her final weeks or months be lived in the knowledge that she has not been abandoned but valued for what she still is.

[Silverbird]

What a nice friendly "kitten" you are, keep up the good work, talk as you can, this lady is not getting better, and she probally finds it difficult to talk back, as she probally has memory loss moments, so be your kind self, take those flowers, give her a hug and a happy moment, she will be very grateful that you care,