Dealing With Dementia/amnesia .......

[Gizmonster]

Cut a long story short:
A close family friend had a heart attack, heart stopped for a few minutes, so brain was starved of oxygen.
As a result, she's ended up in a care home, diagnosed with severe amnesia.
She's fine remembering things from quite a while ago - it's her short term memory that's the problem.

My question is - what's the best way to deal with it??

For example, the other day the care home rang me and asked me to talk to her, as she was getting agitated. When I spoke to her, she told me that she thought her car had been stolen (she's been in the home for approx 4 months and car was sold approx 3 months ago). I've told her on numerous occasions that her car has been sold, but am I gong about this the wrong way??
Should I keep correcting her and hope things get better, or is it better to play along and go with what she says??

I keep getting conflicting advice, so I'm wondering if any of you lot have any ideas as to the best way to tackle things??

[Mamyalynne]

Usually the advice is ti simply and calmly repeat the information.

Has she still got the ability to read?

If so, maybe a pretty notebook with sections you could note things in for her to refer to?

Patience is the key, I know it's hard.

[Ann]

Years ago my Mum had a brain haemorrhage and she was in hospital for 10 weeks. Some of this time she was on such strong medication she was very confused who family members were and said all manner of strange things - like getting very excited as she "had been to several funerals that morning" (she hadn't!) I asked the nurse how to react and she said in every case correct her quite firmly. We did this but made a joke of it all which made Mum laugh too so it diffused the situation. So my advice is tell her the truth about her car - it is perhaps the medication and should settle down soon.

[ummmm]

Don't correct her, just repeat what you say

[woofgang]

Speaking as an ex clinician, I would want to know whether she is capable of understanding what has happened to her or not, and yes, whether she can read. If she can grasp the situation but not remember it then a notebook with “XXX (her name)”s book” or “XXX read this” on the cover can be helpful. As to how to deal with it, do whatever minimises her distress. Don’t try to reason with her or “correct firmly” unless this helps and its rare that it does. Sometimes a general reassurance can be more helpful, something like “Your car is safe and you don’t need it tonight” Sometimes sadly all that you can do is keep repeating the truth but gently and calmly. If she is distractible then a change of subject can help, as can drawing her attention to something she enjoys. I know that medication for people in these circumstances has got bad press but if she is agitated and unhappy for much of the time then it might be helpful, the one aim is to minimise her distress.

[woofgang]

This brief article is american but offers good simple advice
http://www.nextavenue.org/10-real-life-strategies-caring-someone-memory-loss/

[Gizmonster]

Thanks for the replies.
She is very much with it, apart from the short term amnesia. If you spoke to her and didn't know her, then you probably wouldn't know there was something wrong.
It's just when we speak to her, she says things which we know aren't right, such as the car .... or she needs running into town for some shopping .... or she needs to go home ....
She knows what happened to her; she knows why she's in the care home; but sometimes she'll ring us from the care home, saying she needs picking up from a different town ....

[-SharonA-]

Hi Giz, I know what you are dealing with as I am having the same problem with my 90 year old dad. When he asks about his car, I humour him and say the car is ok. It is exactly the same as your friend and the same questions.
I am afraid there is no easy answer except to be patient.

[woofgang]

Then a book would help Gizmonster....and when she asks you about stuff you know is wrong, help her to look in the book.

[Gizmonster]

Giving me ideas now with the book.
It would need to be eye-catching, as she won't remember to read it.
I need to write something on the cover that will prompt her to read it when she's feeling agitated - prob be better to get her to write it in her own hand writing as well.
Any suggestions as to what to write on the cover and what to write on the inside??

[pixie374]

What is she used to using giz? We use calendars, post it notes, whiteboards... depending what people relate to most. I agree with everything woof has said. Reassure, don't go along with it, but don't make an issue of it either.

[woofgang]

Giz......ask her!

[pixie374]

Number 4 in that article is wrong.... it does matter if you lie to them. Often they will remember different things at surprising times, so going along with something can cause extra confusion and mean they won't trust you.

[woofgang]

I sort of agree with you and them Pixie. A direct barefaced lie is never a good idea, I think that the heading for that point is wrong....its not that lying is ok, more that the strict truth is not essential in terms of there’s no need to correct the patient if their factually inaccurate belief is harmless and persuasion and misdirection can be more helpful than force and coercion.....its amazing how often my Mum’s lovely GP would be passing her front door on visits elsewhere for instance........
My friend’s grandfather had alzheimers. When his wife (who he had totally forgotten) died, his daughter, my friend’s mum, wanted him to go to the funeral and to be told that his wife had died. My friend, who is also an Occupational Therapist, as I was, fought hard against this, saying that either he wouldn’t understand at all, or if he did, then it would distress him terribly for no good reason. She got her way, although the family’s circle of friends were most disapproving.

[pixie374]

That is true... Sometimes it is difficult. We had a lady of 92 with very advanced dementia. When her son died there was quite some debate about whether she would be told or not. She wasn't and I don't think she would have understood. But some part of her might have wondered why he no longer visited. It can be hard to tell.

[woofgang]

The saddest cases are when people ask where a loved one is and are told they have passed and they grieve and then they forget and ask again...and again. There is nothing really that you can do except answer them honestly and try to comfort them every time it happens.

[Cloverjo]

Sorry, I haven't read all the answers yet. I will in a minute. My mum had this problem. All you can do is answer her questions in a calm way, no matter how many time she's asked them before. Just answer calmly.

[Cloverjo]

If she asks for her mum or dad or someone who doesn't who is no longer with us, just say "no, he/she can't make it today."
God bless you, I know it's horrendous.
Don't correct her.