Help With My Elderly Parent

[Ric.ror]

Here is the situation
My mother is 89 and is becoming increasingly confused and unable to look after herself- for instance yesterday she rang the police as she did not know where she was - she was in her flat. She was assessed by a care worker from her GPS approx a month ago and passed with flying colours but her workers at the fay centre she attends have contacted me about this confusion.
Now she attends a day centre three times a week and stays in every five week for one eeek which she makes a contribution to. I feel I now need more support for her so who do I contact for advice?
Perhaps I should point out that over seven years ago she gave me a considerable amount of money to buy my house
She also bought her old flat that I have just moved into - it's a first floor flat and she rents the flat below - it's ground floor
I hope I have covered all areas and have given enough information in order for someone to give me some advice

Thanks - as always in anticipation

[mikey4444]

DTC...topic for you here ....

[dannyk13]

Contact Social Services.

[gness]

Hi, Ric....when my mother started to show the same symptoms I went alone to see her GP as she was convinced she was fine and wouldn't come with me.

He arranged an appointment with a psychiatrist specialising in Alzheimer's and dementia.......between us the GP and I got her to this appointment by lying to her.....but it had to be done.
I know your Mum has been assessed by a care worker but she may need more thorough tests......my Mum did.
This led to us getting lots of help for her which was a relief to me......but she tried to kill one of the daily carers so that stopped.

I can't help with the financial side of your situation but I would suggest you start with an appointment with her GP.....on your own......and take it from there.

There is help out there......but you need professionals to point you in the right direction....

Good luck....Gx

[TWR]

I've had this with my own Mother Ric,( Dimnetia) for her own safety I had to find a Community home for her, for a while she was very unsettled but now seems well, she clean, warm, safe, proper food & personal care that before this all come about, to a point she had let herself go, I now have P.O.A for my mothers finances, I had to do this due to a thife of a Brother, also Office Of Public Guardian, I purchased an accounts book so everything is accounted for, even a stamp, you have to do this for your own protection, in my case without a doubt due to a devious Bother, if you do decide to go this way, contact all the services, D,H,P. Etc, & whoever answer you calls, take names & positions, i hope this information can help you.

[gness]

Oh and don't forget.......even mild infections can cause confusion in the elderly.....as she passed the care worker's assessment recently that's worth considering.....x

[hc4361]

gness has raised a very good point there - the effect of a simple water infection can cause severe confusion and a complete personality change, thankfully easily treated

[Ric.ror]

During her last respite she was tested for an infection and they treated her with antibiotics
But after that's they tested her again for another and it was clear

[gness]

Then I should chat to her doctor, Ric...and all possibilities will be looked at.........

If it is a form of dementia developing and she is suitable for them then the new drugs are better started as early as possible....x

[-SharonA-]

I am going through the same thing with my Dad. I saw GP and social workers. I am now awaiting a bed in a care home, which I have to pay for. Dad has vascular dementia, very confused and letting himself go hygienically. He will have to give up his one bed flat after 6 weeks which is when they do an assessment on the situation. Waiting an available bed is taking an age unless I am prepared to leave London.

[gness]

Is there a reason that you have to pay, Sharon........your dad, yes, if he has the funds.......but we won't be paying for my mum when her money runs out......x

[DTCwordfan]

gness has it, Ric.ror......and there's the possibility that the UTI may well have re-occurred. Time to have a chat with her doctor.

Also, hope that you have power of attorney - it may need triggering if set up - that;s the solicitor who set it up and a £120 fee roughly.

[-SharonA-]

Gness, we shall have to pay a partial fee, as Dad has savings. The social workers look into every thing money wise.

[mikey4444]

Bloody Social Services Bean Counters !

[DTCwordfan]

Mikey, it's not so much the bean-counting that gets me - they can be so arrogant and think that they are the only thing that counts and then when you want a decision from them, they go into gold-plated arrrse-covering of exqusite detail - god help it if a decision goes against the recommended grain....even a simple one such as getting blood out of a seriously-handicapped fifty-year old son of a family friend (German measles the cause) to test for thyroidism and god help his parent and also guardian - he went against them and it's been done. It's important to have them as a baseline in society, sure, but when they behave like this, they have lost the plot and really need to be looked at and pared back in their scope when doctors, homes and parents are in agreement. Cost savings for Hammond there perhaps?

[ubasses]

A lot has been covered already. In my case I got a referral to the Community Mental Health Doctor, who came out to the house, and a referral to Social Services.
Once she has had an assessment a decision should be made as to whether your Mum would be able to manage with Care in her Home or whether she needs full time care.
Either way make sure that you claim Attendance Allowance on her behalf.
Lower Rate if in the Home full rate if in a Care Home.
The property situation clouds things a bit. If the flat you live in is in her name but you still have the house you bought the odds are they will expect a sale of the flat. The paperwork I received to 'help me' said they can go back 20 years and recover funds that they feel were disposed of to avoid paying for Care Home Fees.
Before choosing a Care Home read the Care Commission Reports and visit the Homes. Look at the residents and see how they react to the Carers and vice versa. One of the things that helped me make my final choice was when a carer went up to a resident they immediately put their hand out to be held and then stroked the Carers hand.

[-SharonA-]

What ubasses said about the commission reports is so true. One home we looked at had 'must do better' & 'needs improving' Truth is most of the good ones are full.