partner's children

[JKDUSER]

I have recently started a relationship.  My partner is a mther of two.  She has a son who is five years of age and a daughter who has just turned one.  Has anyone any suggestions/experiences on how her son and I could be introduced to each other?  My partner has suggested a 'chance' meeting, however I am more to be honest with him and say that his mother has a new friend and would he like to meet him.

[sam82]

i met my X partners 5 year old boy at his birthday party, and it worked for us then the next time i met him in his dads home where we then walked upto the park and played on the swings, he already had a mum, so we just became friends.... my X partners son used to tell everyone i was his girlfriend... we would have some great days out, me and his dad split up 2 years ago, but im still in contact with his son who often emails me, he is still my wee friend, he is 10 now..

[Le Chat]

This is my own opinion of course .. I think that you should wait until you are both sure that this is going to be a long term relationship before meeting your partner's son. It would not be a good idea for the mental and emotional health of the child to become close to her son and then to leave the relationship!

That being said... My boy who is now 9yrs old met my now husband when he was 5. It was a very easy situation as my husband came round with the dual purpose of fitting a new alarm system and meeting my son, who was very interested in what he was doing of course. Whilst M was fitting the alarm, he was chatting to my son, asking him about school, friends etc. After he had finished, I remarked that he had done a really good job and how we would have to invite him round for tea for putting it in so well .... !!

[AKParrotHead]

 I met my now 11 year old stepson when he was 4. I found a great way to bond with him was by having "just us" time, without his dad around. We started a tradition by just walking to a favorite coffee shop on Sundays. It doesn't have to be fancy! The bookstore is another favorite for just the two of us. In the beginning, honesty is definitely the best policy. I was introduced as "Dads friend" and our dates were the three of us bowling, the zoo, the park, etc. Including the little one will make him feel welcome and a part of a new, exciting time in his moms life. Also don't make the first few meetings a big deal! Just a fun outing with friends and family. I agree with making sure the relationship is a long term deal, but I think you could definitely meet the kids before making that commitment. I made sure before we all lived together but not before I met him. It's not realistic to just have a relationship with mom without the kids around. They come first!

[mycatis]

Can I just say how nice it is to hear that you are taking this seriously and seem to realise how important the first meetings can be? Good for you, you sound like a decent guy, good luck x x

[JKDUSER]

Thanks for the replies.  I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.  Seems honesty is the best policy with this one!