Recent split

[pinkiefriend]

Hello. Can anyone help? I have recently split with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 yrs. It's such a hard thing and it wasn't me that made the decision. I really loved him so now I am just trying to get over him. The only problem is that he phoned me last night and we ended up meeting up for a drink, but we only split 5 day's ago. Anyway, it ended up that now I feel like he has dumped me twice and i was just getting over him until last night. I have made arrangements to go out with a friend on Saturday night; the only problem is that he will be there too. I feel like I have made him feel better by meeting up with him last night and now I want to just get on with things. We share the same friends and I just want to know how to make me feel better, without making him feel any better or without him thinking that i am love sick over him. My head is in such a mess over this. Can anyone help?

[spk]

it just takes time. Spending time in his company will be very difficult- I dont think I couldve done it. I dont know how practical it would be but trying to not be in his company for a while will definitely help. Try spending more time with friends not in that circle. You will meet more new people and it will help you move on. Ive been there and I really understand and my main advice is to try stay away from him. Its tough but it makes it easier in the long run. Good luck- You WILL get there I promise. It just takes a while. Take care x

[Englishbird]

Oh sweety, it's so horrible, big hug coming your way.

The absolute best thing is to stay as far away from him as possible. even if it means blowing out mutual friends. You've hit the nail on the head with saying it makes you feel like he's dumped you twice. If at all possible don't see him or speak to him. It's still going to hurt like hell for a while yet and you have to go through that i'm afraid, there's no quick fix. But if you continue to see him it simply prolongs that agony.

Arange to do other things with other people and get out there and do things that you've never done before, things that you wouldn't necessarily have done whilst you were with him. Grab life by the balls and go and let your hair down.

Good luck x x

[vehelpfulguy]

When you break up from any long term relationship it is difficult, so you are bound to feel a bit strange.

You say he broke up with you, but you do not say why. Maybe he is just as unsure of the split as you are. The fact that he phoned you shows he still cares.

Some men are scared of long term relationships, particularly if he thinks it is leading to marriage (which also scares some men).

He may not really want to break up with you, just be a little frightened of where it is going.

I was you I would NOT go where he is on Saturday night, or any other night. Find some other places to go, and make him think you are having a good time and not missing him.

It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I would try to avoid him, go out to places where you know he will not be.

He may worry you will meet someone else, and if he really cares he will not want to risk that. He will be round your place like a shot.

If he does not care that you may meet someone else then you know it is over.

[nseymour]

I totally understand how you feel, breaking up is horrible especially after such a long time being a couple. It's a very tender time for the both of you, and I strongly advice that you keep your distance for a while. I might sound cheesie but it's really true, 'time is the greatest healer', and if you are very much still in contact you are not giving yourself much of a chance.

[dove]

you have bought a tear to my eye.

I met my "first" when I was about six years old, we finally done the business when I was sixteen.

You will never ever forget your first love, and I know, Im now 37.

There is no right advice really, if you go to the party he will be there expecting you.

If you dont go he will still be there wondering where you are,,,,, (even if you are at home tucked under the duvet, wondering about him)

My advice is carry on with the friends who are standing by you at the moment, ones not involved.

good luck babes xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx