I Dont Feel Suicidal But My Behaviour Is

[nailit]

conscious/subconscious?
I havnt eaten for two days, just don't want to.
I'm drinking, yes, But cant afford to. Up to my eyes in debdt and probably getting worse.
I don't feel like I want to die, just cant see the point in living, its all a bit ***.
I know that I'll wake up in the morning and wonder what the hell have I been posting on social media and then the cycle starts again....
???
Why are peoples realities all so different?

[Old_Geezer]

You sound depressed. You've been there before and know your options. Sounds like you have plenty of stressful triggers too.

[jourdain2]

I echo O_G. It seems so long ago now, but I was having to struggle with my hands on the driving-wheel in order to stop myself from driving into a large tree or a wall. It took some doing and even more willpower to talk to my doc.. I have also rung emergency phsycs. (not for me, but for then partner) in a terrified state.

I can remember, but not identify with, the person I then was - I am now very contented, in fact I'm happy with my life. Outside things present problems.

I think that I am trying to say that all our realities are very much the same, but cyclical, so (fortunately) they don't coincide - or else there would be mass suicides.

Does it matter what you have posted on Social Media, really, in the grand scheme of life?

You are, so far as I have learned, a sensitive, caring guy with a heck of a lot of problems. You are not the only one. How you deal with it
is the difference. Get your head together (not easy) and look beyond today - then aim at achieving that status. It's the best I can do. :) x

[-SharonA-]

I am sorry but I go to pieces when folks talk of suicide. Reason given on earlier thread. But Nailit, do get help. You say you don't want the number of the Samaritans, but they are best placed to help you and I beg you again, get the help you need!

[Kidas]

Hi Nails

May I tell you a personal story?

I have been a part of many internet communities. Possibly the strongest one I was ever a part of was Everything2.com.

They were mostly college kids, or just left college. Very smart. Very sassy; in the years after the dot.com boom. It was the first internet 2.0 site (because that's what we called these social media sites then). Before Wikipedia; before Facebook; even before Myspace.

It was a pretty intense community. Kids who had discovered like-minded people on the internet; many of them for the first time.

Some of the most-loved members of that community lived in New York. That community met together, drank together, and I don’t think it is giving away too many secrets to say that some of them slept together.

On 10 September 2001, one member of that community committed suicide in his New York City apartment. He had been depressed.

The following day, a couple of jet liners flew into the World Trade Centre. The community was more traumatised by the suicide than by terrorist attack.

https://everything2.com/title/September+11%252C+2001

End of story.

The point is that you never know what you leave behind.

I get the feeling you are in a bad place.

You’ve told us about your housing issues. You’ve told us about your benefits issues. You’ve told us about your drink issues.

I’m no medic, nor a psych and I am the last person anyone would turn to for emotional support, but I would urge you to find someone who can give you that support.

You say you don’t want to speak with Samaritans and your GP is no use.

That’s sad.

But you’re a smart chap. You have a son. It’s possible to work through this, but my guess is that in your present state, over-thinking is not going to help.

What is it the Buddhists say? When hungry, eat! When thirsty, drink! When depressed, find some support!

Because, my friend you need that support right now. And if you don’t, your son needs you to get that support.

Wish I could do more, but it’s the best I can do right now.

[Zacs-Master]

Nailit, on NoMs thread you took the time and wished her well with motherhood. To me, that’s not the words of someone whose lost their grip on life’s values. It’s the words of someone who cares about others. Your core values are still intact.

[murraymints]

Thank you zac...nailit my dear friend ..you are going through a bad time....mail me....we care.. I do certainly..you know that....xx

[murraymints]

Nailit ? Waiting for you to tell me you are ok......

[beso]

Alcohol in the longer term is a depressant so you are in a spiral by using it to mask you depression.

Have you considered exercise? Endorphins produced by exercise are actually quite good for depression and don't have bad side effects.

[jourdain2]

Good thinking, beso, when very depressed I always found that taking the dog for a walk helped.