Stigma Of Depression

[anthro-nerd]

I suffer with depression and I'm not ashamed... it's an illness like any other and I'm on medication and I have to manage my thought process on a daily basis - often downplaying it to others.

I've recently had what I call a 'dip', and I'm sick of people saying 'you're just having a bad day' or 'come on, cheer up'. I realise it's difficult to understand, but if I could just 'cheer up' I would! It's so much more than that, because people can't 'see' it, they think I'm just being dramatic.

How do other people deal with this stimga? It's so difficult to shrug it off sometimes.

[ummmm]

You can't. People who have never experienced it don't understand. Just try and accept that they mean well although they're not being helpful.

[murraymints]

There is a very big difference to being depressed or just Fed up...and telling somebody to cheer up..Or pull yourself together etc..clearly has no understanding...one day at a time ! Xx

[anthro-nerd]

Thanks Ummm, easier said than done.

[ummmm]

I know. I've never experienced it myself but I do understand (my dad had a breakdown)

Compare it with anything else. Child birth for instance, unless you've been through it you can only imagine what it feels like.

[sunny-dave]

The snag is that the better you get at 'putting on a front', the less people understand the turmoil underneath.

So when you do have a bad day (or week, or month) they assume that you can just switch back to 'cheerful and competent' if they jolly you along - if only it had been that easy.

[anthro-nerd]

Sunny-Dave, yes you're right. I've perfected the art of being the carefree, happy go lucky, type of person... so when im physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and unable to put on the 'front', people tell me to snap out of it!

[DarceyK123]

I suppose it's just a case that they don't know what to say. They feel they should say something but don't know what.

[ummmm]

Is it people close to you saying it?

[anthro-nerd]

Darcey, I think you're right.... I'm very lucky that both of my sisters completely understand. One came over in the day and let me sleep. Knowing she was downstairs with the dogs was calming. The other came over in the evening and sorted dinner and we just watched telly. No judgement, just letting me 'be' and asking what I needed.

It's a shame others don't 'get it'... it's so difficult to describe. It's like all the colour goes and everything gets a little fuzzy. So I'm looking at the world through different eyes. I don't need someone to tell me to cheer up, just someone to sit and allow the colour to come back in.

[anthro-nerd]

Ummm my sisters are brilliant, and I have a few friends that 100% understand. Others care and want to help, but dont understand and so naturally say the wrong thing. It;'s coming from a good place, I know they want to help, but they seem to think I can just pull myself together and get on with it.

I explain it like its asking a man with no legs to try and walk. He can't. But if you give him the right tools, a chair or prosthetics then, with determination and patience, he will, and after a certain amount of time he'll get good at it. But if he trips and falls, it might take him a moment or two to get back up.

I tripped, I'm just getting back up.

[Hazi-Hammenuhoth]

Hi Anthro- thanks for your post and sharing regarding your depression. I fully agree with everything you say- I too, suffered a nervous breakdown, and have ongoing anxiety and depression. I have found people generally understanding, or ignorant.

If you are explaining the illness to your family, I gave them a book called "Living with a Black Dog" which is a light-hearted take on depression but also makes clear that telling someone with depression to "cheer up" or "chin up" is not going to help at all.

I found that facing the illness head-on helped, but do not share it with others, except on a need-to-know basis. My family know, my close friends know, and my employer knows, and that's it. The stigma is definitely there, but it's getting better.

I also have alcoholism, the stigma from that is much more pronounced but again, the general reaction from others is not unkind- it's generally either understanding, or ignorance.

Accepting to yourself that you have an illness, which is just as real an illness as having a broken leg or diabetes, is a big first step.

Also, make sure the stigma isn't just in your own mind- we often suffer from self-consciousness and second-guess what others are thinking. We are often our own harshest critics, and if we do share that we have a mental illness, such as depression, my experience is you will be surprised at the responses, one of which very often is "I would never have known" and another is "I suffer too" or have a loved one that suffers.

Very best wishes x

[Hazi-Hammenuhoth]

The book which I gave my family and really helped was "Living with a Black Dog" by Matthew Johnstone- available on Amazon- I would highly recommend!

[anthro-nerd]

Hazi, thank you for sharing your story. "Living with a Black Dog" sounds like something worth having in the house, I'll look it up, thank you.

Maybe the stigma is in my head to an extent, thank you xx

[anthro-nerd]

Hazi, I've just ordered the book. :-)

[sunny-dave]

If anxiety is part of your problem, then it might be worth having a look at this thread from a few years ago :

https://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Health-and-Fitness/Question1304190.html

The book I linked to is still available I think.

[Hazi-Hammenuhoth]

Yes, a lot of our illness is "in the head"- but there definitely is a need for more understanding generally of mental illness.

Good luck on the book- I think you'll love it!

I don't know where you are in the UK but we have sunshine this morning and that always helps my mood- let's hope it's a great weekend! Best wishes

[Garaman]

I don't think there is a stigma attached to depression these days, thankfully. Others might not know how to deal with someone who suffers from depression, but that isn't the same thing.

[Khandro]

anthro; //One came over in the day and let me sleep. Knowing she was downstairs with the dogs was calming.//

Just a thought, but did you find the presence of the dogs, as well as your sister calming?
Do you have a dog yourself? It's difficult to be low if every time you enter a room you are greeted as if you were the most loved and important person in the universe -- as happens in this house! :0)

[jennyjoan]

I don't think people mean to be unkind or uncaring it is just the majority do not know really what to do.

When I go down I don't let anybody know and try and face it just as much as I can. It is difficult because my outside persona doesn't reflect how I feel inside. But Anthro you are lucky with having your sisters understanding. Keep well.

[anthro-nerd]

Khandro, I do, I have two and they fill my life with joy. The problem is when I need to rest and sleep and they want to play, it makes me more anxious feeling like a bad dog owner - my older dog lies with me and sleeps next to me when I'm down, he's just like a therapy dog and have that 6th sense. The puppy wants to eat my hair... which is less than relaxing and then I feel bad that I dont have the energy to entertain her. That's why my sisters came over. So I could relax knowing they were having a nice time playing downstairs.

JJ, I do a good job with 'pretending' most of the time, it's when I'm run down and exhausted it's very difficult!