Mums Mental Health Is Getting Worse

[silliemillie]

I really am at my wits end.

Following on from my mums fall she really has deteriorated mentally.

She has recovered well from the fall and can now easily get around.

But now she won't let me out if my sight, not even to go shopping. She says she's terrified to be left on her own.

My daughter in law comes over to sit with her sometimes but her time is limited so Its either I cannot go out or I have to take her with me.
Even if I say DIL is on her way (about 10 mins away) she won't let me leave till she gets there.

I've spoken To her GP he's just shrugs it off saying just do it gradually but I can't when she's crying and begging me not to go.

She even said she would rather go into a care home as she would feel safer which shocked me

I'm so worried and exhausted by it all, I love her but feel suffocated.

I just don't know what to do.

Sorry it's so long, I just needed to get it off my chest.

[ummmm]

Do you work?

[bednobs]

That's so hard. What about getting walkie talkies, so she can talk to you whenever she likes (while you are out) You could start by going on a short walk, all the time talking to her (or mobiles even). Have yu explored the possibilities of a care home, or sheltered accom? The problem is, you will become emotionally and physically and there will be a breakdown in the care you are providing to her

[bednobs]

does she get AA? could she use some to hire a sitting service?

[silliemillie]

Bednobs - she's so stubborn I doubt she would have a stranger in the house, she can be very unreasonable.

Ummm - I am medically retired myself as I have Multiple Myeloma cancer which is another worry.

My last test showed my proteins were up which up which means I may have to go back in for further treatments so what happens then? It will be a care home I suppose.

[bednobs]

i really think you need to do something pro-actively rather than wait till you have a crisis. what about a week of respite in a care home to see how she likes it?

[ummmm]

That is a worry. Very sorry to hear that.

[silliemillie]

Bednobs - that sounds a good idea, I will put that to her.

[237SJ]

Can you organise for her to get one of those alarms that she can wear around her neck

[Tuvok]

What about a camera - do you have a mobile phone? you can view the camera on your phone and you get some that give 2 way communication.

You might have seen the advert for Ring doorbell - I believe they are now doing a camera.

That way if she knows that you can see her she might be ok about being left on her own - she would just haveto remain in the room(s) with the camera.

[woofgang]

Speaking both as a carer and a retired professional, its just not possible for one person to care for another person full time with no breaks or support....especially when the carer is unwell themselves. There are care and sitter services available although setup (how to access) and availability vary greatly. Does your Mum (or you) have a social worker? She is entitled to assessment and as a carer, you are too. If she is serious about a care home then it may be the right solution...fir one thing it would mean that someone else would be doing the heavy caring leaving you freer to do the nice stuff with your Mum. Please don't leave it until a solution is needed because you are ill...she will be put anywhere there is a space and that can only add to your worries.

[jennyjoan]

Hi Sillie - a friend of mine put her mother into respite for 2 weeks allowing her and her husband to go on holiday.

When they came back mother told them to get rid of her belongings - she wanted to stay - she loved it that much and she did.

Another friend is in a care home and has dementia so thinks that she is in a hotel getting looked by the staff.

Do think you need to look ahead for your situation

[silliemillie]

Thank you all for your answers, I will have to think very carefully about this.

[gness]

Sillie.....just saw your comment on your birthday thread so came here......how are things with your Mum now....and your treatment?....x

[silliemillie]

Thanks Gness,

she's a little better now, I have arranged for both my DIL and my Cousin to sit with her for a few hours a week so I can get out, go to appointments and suchlike, but just decided I've got to buckle down and get on with it for now.

Thanks again for your concern, it means a lot and I feel better just knowing I can come on and just have a moan xx

[gness]

It's not really moaning, Sillie......but I do know how important it is now and again just to say how you're feeling....either to a friend or on AB....and there are some great listening ears here.

I hope that apart from appointments and the like you can get some time just to relax....being the main carer and buckling down to get on with it is exhausting...
Look after you too.....Love Gx