Relationships- What Will You Out Up With And What Won't You?

[kvalidir]

Inspired by a conversation on Rowan's thread and so as not to derail it too much, what will you tolerate in a partner and won't you, are difficult relationships worth working at or is it better to walk away at the first sign of trouble? Nothing personally wrong, was just interested in the opinions being voiced over there. Someone said ' relationships are hard work' and someone countered that they shouldn't be. Are they?

[kvalidir]

Duh 'put up with' apologies typo.

[1ozzy]

All of mine have been, maybe it's me ;-(

[tamborine]

If he lets me watch eye candy sportsmen all day, I can live with him

[Maydup]

Well, its worth remembering that no one is perfect including ourselves, and if someone is kind, well intended, has a sense of humour, treats people as equals and enjoys similar things to me then I can put up with other differences or challenges that life throws at us.

[NoMercy]

Having been engaged to a filthy lying cheat, I won't ever tolerate lies and deceit.

I also wouldn't tolerate someone who didn't do their fair share.

[ummmm]

Cheating. I would never tolerate that.

[Sqad]

Depends what you are looking for Kvali.
Sex?......you don't need much of the "personal relationships" so no big deal.
A "meanigful" relationship....start a family, loving, soulmate di!da! dida!.

Right, 3 phases:
1).love, sex, "can't get enough of him/her, can't wait to be with him/her.........like you are going through at the moment.;_)
This phase can either fizzle out or lead to what is simply known as a lasting and meaningful relationship which usually finishes within 12 months to about 6 years and there then follows a period of grueling mediocrity which inevitably leads to infidelity.
Wife has kids, schooling, boyfriends.....you know what i mean.
Now during THIS period you can work at molding your partner into you ethos and she working you into yours.............love as you know it as gone and is replaced by "comfortable". This may due the trick until death us do part, BUT it may not be what is required for him/her..........so. ...late middle aged breakup.

"Working at it is essential but NO guarantees.

[kvalidir]

Oh Sqad, you cheery sod :) If everything fizzles out to mediocrity then what's the point? I don't think it has to, surely it doesn't have to, that's crazy and pointless, and yes I am rabidly in love at the moment but not like I've been before so something is different, and needs to stay different, that does require lots of work even at this stage, but all work outside of us as a couple. If things are guaranteed to slide to beigeness and end then I'll not bother again.

To answer my own question though I wouldn't put up with someone who was cruel, to children, animals things weaker than he is, other than that I can put up with quite a lot before I start to lose my cool, but my cool when lost is not pretty.

[Sqad]

Kvali

" If everything fizzles out to mediocrity then what's the point? I "

The point is.....if you want the meat, then you have to put up with the potatoes.

[Sqad]

P.S I bet you are vegetarian.......LOL

[tamborine]

Kval is your romance online - absence makes the heart etc

[kvalidir]

I'm anything but a vegetarian Sqad and if it all ends up bland potatoes I'll do without relationships at all and just go for casual meat as it crosses my path thanks.
He's in the US and I'm here at the moment Tambo, so saw him last month for a couple of weeks, seeing him again in July, and I find that exhausting and difficult tbh.

[jackthehat]

Dishonesty would be the deal-breaker.

In my relationships I expect fidelity, integrity and honesty. Anyone I was in a relationship with would know that and if, having assured me of their willingness/ability to provide them, delighted in failing to do so........they would be shown the door pdq.

[Sqad]

Kvali

"if it all ends up bland potatoes I'll do without relationships at all and just go for casual meat as it crosses my path thanks. "

You don't have a choice.......it just happens......;-)

[Prudie]

This is very much a hindsight question, many people put up with all sorts of stuff until it's over. Then it's easy to say I'd not put up with this or that. I was so besotted with someone for 10 years I put up with a thousand lies, buckets of tears, cheating, mental abuse - I could write a book. Thus I could type what I'd never accept but clearly I did.

[tamborine]

Most wrongs can be righted with committed relationships. Its not a level playing field but a field can be ploughed & levelled.

[Sqad]

Absolutely^^^^

[kvalidir]

Yes I can see what you're saying there Prudie, I would put up with a lot from this man, I know I would, it would be all very well me trumpeting about being a 'strong independent woman' etc but he has me wrapped around his little finger, which is unusual for me, the only thing I wouldn't tolerate is cruelty to something weaker than him because that's a deeply unappealing personality flaw and he'd automatically lose his attraction, so it would be easy to walk away.

[ummmm]

Prudie - I put up with those things and that's why I know I'd never put up with them again.

[kvalidir]

I like that thought Tambo. x