My Dad Has Died

[Scarlett]

I've never experienced the death of close family before, and last night my Dad had a sudden heart attack. He was 80 and down to his last artery so he had done well. But all the same it's a shock. I have found myself crying all the time, and even today when I thought I was okay, suddenly welling up. I know grief varies from person to person but when will stop randomly crying? I have cancelled my work but I am going to have to return, and don't want to be crying in front of the children!

[Rosie29]

I am so very sorry Scarlett. Xx

[spathiphyllum]

Im so sorry for your loss Scarlett.

After my girlfriends mum died, she found the random crying seized after about a month. Obviously this can be different for everyone, and obviously she had many tearful moments after this period, but the general random crying stopped after a month.

I'm sure the situation is very different for yourself though.

[MargoTester]

Firstly my condolences to you and your family. It's very early days yet and the least little thing will set you off. You do learn to cope with it and the first year is the worst, birthdays Christmas etc etc,things seem to get easier after that (for me anyway) Keep talking about him and try to remember the happy times you had.

[hereIam]

How can you say after only one day Scarlett ? You are bound to be crying and it was sudden, so that makes it worse. I still cry for my Dad after over four years, as something will suddenly set me off. I found that talking about the grief with loved ones helped, so I don't think you should worry about crying in front of the children (unless they are very young?) as any comfort from any quarter is a great help. So sorry you have lost your Dad xx

[AuntPollyGrey]

I'm very sorry your father has died, and so suddenly, no time to prepare yourself so its very normal what you are going through. Don't stop yourself crying in front of your children. Whatever age they are they need to see its ok to cry and you can explain why you are crying in an age appropriate way.

[andy-hughes]

I am so sorry Scarlett, death is always a shock, even when it is expected.

People don't 'get over' death, they weave it into their lives, and it stays forever, but not with the immediate reactions such as random crying.

That's the shock, and as your mind gets used to the idea, the random crying will diminish, and then stop, but don't try and stop it.

Crying is very underestimated, and in western culture it's frowned on, and it shouldn't be, crying is very good for you, so let it come, and run its course, it will help you to get things into focus.

From my experience, there are plenty of good friends on here who will help you, so post when you need, we are always here for you.

[hc4361]

Crying after bereavement is normal so you shouldn't hide it from your children.
I still unexpectedly weep occasionally after many years of losing a loved one and still get a sharp pang but I get a lot more joy from my happy memories now time has passed.
You will adjust, it will take time. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

[calmck]

Sorry about your loss. Remember the kids have lost a grandfather and, depending on their age, they will need to talk about death and need to cry. My granddaughter sees the stars as where her aunt and departed pets are and often talks to them

[Hopkirk]

Don't be embarrassed about grieving.
People would be surprised if you weren't showing your feelings.

When my father died I felt a big change in myself after the funeral, but still got caught out unexpectedly months later.

[Lie-in King]

((Scarlett)) - my sincere condolences to you & your family on the loss of your dad x

[wolf63]

I am sorry to hear about your dad, my dad died suddenly at night and I wasn't really prepared for it. In time you will miss him differently - once his death becomes less raw.
♥

[Rockrose]

So very sorry for your loss, I lost my dear dad on August 3 and I still find myself getting randomly upset.
When something happens I find myself going to pick the phone up and then I remember.
Take time as it takes time and it’s normal to cry so cry in front of the kids.

[Patsy33]

So very sorry to hear this Scarlett. Everyone is different in this sad situation. Little things csn set you off, just when youre feeling a bit stronger. My advice would be to just go along with your emotions. It needs to come out. Obviously you don't want to upset your children, but sometimes it's good to.let them see it's ok to cry, when you lose someone close to you. It needs to come out. It's part of the healing process. Best wishes. x

[jno]

sorry to hear this. Grieving takes as long as it takes. There's no timetable, so don't worry about it. As for crying in front of the children, it'll depend how old they are - if they're little, yes, they may be confused or worried. Older ones will understand.

[Neveracrossword]

Scarlett mentioned having to return to work and not wanting to 'be crying in front of the children' - so maybe she's a teacher, nursery assistant...working with children in some capacity?

[TonyV]

Scarlett my condolences to you and your family. You will obviously feel very raw at the moment, but the worst thing you can do is to bottle your feelings up.

[jno]

yes, I believe Scarlett's a teacher, and doesn't want to be suddenly crying in front of pupils.

[hereIam]

Didn't realise you meant children at school Scarlett, I can well understand that x

[NellieMay]

So sorry Scarlett. It's so natural to feel and act as you are doing now.. You have had a massive shock and lost a very loved family member. Its so difficult to deal with a sudden unexpected death for those left behind, but much better for your Dad than dying from a long painful illness. It will take time, but gradually the bursting into tears will get less and less, and when you get back to work the children will keep you busy and gradually you will be coping again.

[The Builder]

Nice to see you again Scarlett, even at this sad time .

Don't forget you can always come and have a good cry on here anytime XX