Competing For The Most Serious Illness

[naomi24]

I know a couple of people who, when told someone is ill, never fail to trivialise the problem by cynically telling me that they, or someone close to them, is suffering from something far more serious. It’s almost as though they’re competing for a 'worst illness' award but why is a mystery to me. Do you know anyone like that - and if so, can you explain it?

[andy-hughes]

My mother-in-law does exactly the same thing!

I wonder if it's a deflection of the information - deferring the current situation onto something else so they don't have to think too much about the person they are being told about.

Just a theory, but I do understand how annoying it is.

[douglas9401]

No and no.

That might have something to do with being unable to remember people and having a problem with extreme perspiration though.
Most folk seem quite distant.

[emmie]

I do, and don't know why they do it. Perhaps it comes with age, you know getting older and seeing your family, friends pass away...

[Rosie29]

Strange isn't it. An iĺlness for some people could be a time when they are looked after instead of always looking after others and being a "centre of attention " which might be very new for them.

[Sqad]

I have never really given it much thought, but telling someone who is ill that you know someone who is more physically or mentally afflicted, in my book, is no big deal.
It is just a method of reassurance.

[naomi24]

Oh, this isn’t said to reassure, sqad. It’s said with disdain.

[DarceyK123]

Yes, i do know people like that i think its attention seeking, they want you tomfocus on them, not the other person.

[hc4361]

It could be an identifier - 'I know how you're feeling because I went through the same thing / I supported somebody going through it'

[naomi24]

No, hc, this is competition. An example. I told someone that a friend has been diagnosed with a serious kidney condition. His response? ‘I’ve got a kidney problem. If I was younger I’d be on the transplant list’. He wouldn’t. He’s not even on medication. He just doesn’t like anyone having something more worrying than he has. He does it with everything.

[ladybirder]

Does a relative of mine count who is quite put out, so her son tells me, that I have a more serious condition than her many ailments?

[naomi24]

Haha! yes, indeed, LB. She counts. Aren't people strange?

[pixie374]

Yes, I have a friend who is very competitive about everything with everyone. She is always the busiest, illest, most tired, richest, poorest... Not quite sure of the reason, we (her friends) just see it as competitiveness.

[ummmm]

Everyone in my house.

I said the other day that I've hurt my back. Now everyone has a bad back.

To be taken seriously I have to threaten to phone my Mum :-)

[emmie]

they are strange indeed.

[ladybirder]

Absolutely. It's almost as if she'd be delighted to be told she had something ghastly, painful and incurable so she could "top" me:-)

[pixie374]

Two of our friends had babies a couple of years ago (twins for one of them) and if they ever mentioned they were tired, busy etc... my friend's reply was "you should try having three then!"
She even said it to me once, until I pointed out I had four...

[naomi24]

LB, //It's almost as if she'd be delighted to be told she had something ghastly, painful and incurable so she could "top" me:-) //

That's EXACTLY it! It's like they relish illness!!!

[Stephen_G]

I wish I could explain why I do it, but I can't. Worst thing is, I'm not an attention seeker.

Example: A work colleague's wife is going through Chemo, but also has an Abscess in her gum, which her Dentist can't fully treat until the course of Chemo is finished. I bit my tongue and walked away before I had the chance to say that I'd lost two teeth to Abscesses, the second of which was only discovered while getting treated for the first.

[pixie374]

That sounds more like empathy, Stephen... people have something in common and share it... there are probably a lot of different reasons.

[naomi24]

Stephen, you walked away - and therein lies the difference.