My Mothers Ashes

[Ric.ror]

I collected them yesterday from the undertakers. My intention was to hold on to them until we can have a proper requiem mass for her and then interring them in our family grave. As this is likely not to happen before next year I suggested to one of my sons that we take them to the seaside at the weekend for one last time for her. She loved the seaside when we were children and I thought it would be a nice thing to do.
Needless to say we are not going

[pixie374]

I still have my dad's ashes from January. Will just keep them for now at least.

[woofgang]

if its windy, don't open the urn so she can smell the sea breezes!

[Theland]

Sorry for your loss.
I would suggest bury or scatter them right away.
Without a gathering or ceremony if need be.
Don't prolong the grief unnecessarily.

[jackthehat]

My M-i-L is presently behind the dressing table in the spare bedroom.
We're waiting for the opportunity to take her back home to Scotland.

[iluvmargie]

Why are you not going?

[nailit]

Sorry for your loss Ric and yours too Pix.
I heard recently that it was against the law to scatter ashes on the beach anyway (as if anyone takes any notice when sending their loved ones off)

[pixie374]

Thanks, nailit xx

[Ric.ror]

Theland - I could not possibly bury her without a requiem mass for her - its bad enough she did not get the last sacrament. Our priest told me he will be doing masses for all those who die under the present restrictions. I know exactly what she would have wanted in normal times and will try to replicate that when the time is right. It has just pointed out how some people (my sons really) don't have a clue - I think I'm going to have to write it all down for them when its my turn

[Ric.ror]

Iluvmargie - I think my son thinks its a little strange to take the ashes there just for the day and then bring them home without sprinkling them in the sea

[ladybirder]

Ric you do what you want to do. Take her to the seaside as that's what she would have loved.
I still have some of my son's ashes in the bottom drawer of his chest of drawers in my bedroom after we scattered some at his favourite two places. I want the rest to come with me when I go.

[Neveracrossword]

Ric.ror, I'm inclined to agree with your son! I'd be fine with taking the ashes to be scattered, but not just for a jaunt. The requiem mass is another thing entirely.

[Ric.ror]

Oh Ladybirder - your post has brought a tear to my eyes. My mum was 92 when she died and had lived a full life but to lose a child is simply heartbreaking
I am sending you hugs

[iluvmargie]

I don't think it's strange Ric and if you want to take them, then you should. I've heard of people doing stuff like this before and I think it's lovely. My beloved Mum wanted her ashes scattered in her garden that she loved so much, and that is what I did.

[ladybirder]

Thank you Ric, YOUR message has brought tears to MY eyes. He wasn't a child when he died, he was a young man, but still MY child of course. And to this day as real as ever, my gorgeous boy.
As you say 92 is a good age and she had a good innings, that's the best we can all hope for. Take care. xx

[Mamyalynne]

Why not do both, keep some ashes back until you can get Mum her Requiem Mass.


Big love to all who have this decision to make either now or in the past.

[theshedman]

nailit, you can scatter ashes on the beach. There are just a few guide lines that need to be observed which you can find in the link below. We did it for my parents recently as it was what they wanted.

https://beyond.life/help-centre/arranging-a-funeral/laws-regulations-on-scattering-ashes-in-the-uk/

[retrocop]

Lol. I still chuckle at the the spreading of the MIL's ashes on a lovely beach in Portobello near Musselburgh. I really didn't want to chuck her remains in the sea. I volunteered to be the photographer but was cajoled into the deed and agreed to appease the memsahib.
We had lit some candles and played some Scottish pipe dirge on a portable tape recorder as each in-law reverently and solemnly cast a ladle full of MIL into the oggin. I noticed a lady dog walker who was approaching our little party of mourners and appeared quite intrigued and inquisitive as to our activities. When it was my turn to chuck the old bat's remains in the sea the wind changed and our nosey dog walker got a faceful of MIL's ashes. Just like my MIL a nosey person who got her just deserts. I was glad to retire to the local hostelry and get off that cold windswept inhospitable beach. :-)

[Peter Pedant]

I am sorry for your loss
and also your sense of hurt that she cd not have the sacraments you wanted.

also when you wrote: It has just pointed out how some people (my sons really) don't have a clue - - - that you feel alone in your mourning.
I imagine that when you suggested the beack walk you got: " what you want to do dat for?"

I found the memoriam mass a bit of a let down.
The priest walked in, said a low mass, and walked out without even mentioning the dead. I then drove 250 mi home.

The dia de los muertos is coming up. Nov 1 - there will be a few people doing it, and you can at least feel at one with them....Very South American but so what?

[woofgang]

Ric. I apologise for my thoughtless remark. I did it to make you smile and am sorry if it upset you.

[rowanwitch]

Dave is still in the bottom of the wardrobe, I would really like to charter a boat and take him out to the mouth of the mersey, but he wanted to be put with me when I go. Can't afford the boat so he is out of the way and clearly labelled