To mind my own business or not

[Farmer Giles]

Hi all. I'd appreciate some thoughts on this little problem I have.

I've accidently discovered that a female friend of mine at work is having an affair with one of her husband's mates. She never has a bad word to say about her husband, so it came as a massive surprise to find out that she was seeing someone else.

I care a lot for my friend and would hate to see everything go wrong if her husband found out about her affair, so I'm tempted to say something to her or let this other bloke know that people know what's going on. However I'm concerned that she might not appreciate me getting involved. Am I better to let her get on with her own life and deal with the consequences herself, or as a friend who cares, should I say something?

I'd appreciate any views or tales of experience. Thanks in advance

[jacko50]

I agree with in a pickle,perhaps you could be on hand to give support if it all comes out into the open but do not get involved yourself ,you will not be thanked if you do .

[qapmoc]

Definately a case for ''turn a blind eye'', you are 10-1 on for big trouble if you get involved in any way with this situation.

[Miss Zippy]

Agree with what's been said. I can see why you would want to let her know that the affair is, or is at risk of being, public knowledge, but you'll be seen as the trouble maker if you get involved. I really do think that when it comes to affairs of the heart, it's best to keep out of other people's business, no matter how strongly you feel about a situation. If she's that good a friend, she may confide in you over time and you can then be on hand to offer support.

[{Dakota}]

I wouldn't say anything to her husband, but could you try talking to your friend? I'm not meaning in a way that will be patrinonising or anything, but ask her how she would feel if she found out her husband was seeing someone behind her back, I'm pretty sure she will not think it a pleasant thought - whether she's doing it herself or not.

Could you try talking her into sorting out what underlying problems there is in her marriage? Just because she never says anything bad about her husband doesn't mean there is no problems - nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.

I guess it's the only options for you to talk to her yet intimate that you will be there for her if (probably when) the whole situation turns sour.

Good luck

[lady_p_gold]

Absolutely agree with those who say do not get involved. You do not know what their lives are like behind closed doors, and it may all fizzle out and they could be stronger because of it etc. etc. there are a million different outcomes and it has to find its own level. It is hard to continue an affair indefinitely without being found out and some partners even know about affairs and choose not to do anything about it, we just don't know what will happen. If she confides in you and asks for help then that is a different matter.

[GraceAnais]

a friend of mine was seeing another guy behind her fiances back last year. i didn't mean to find out; i just kinda guessed. once i knew i felt like i was involved. i knew her fiance quite well and felt really torn. we had been friends for years, but i still felt it was an unfair situation. he kept asking me if she was seeing someone else and i felt so in the middle. i told her she had to tell him or we couldn't be friends. in the end she did tell him. it caused a lot of agro and we are no longer friends. i still see her ex-fiance though. she's still with the guy she had the affair with. my problem was i felt like i had loyalties to her fiance because i got to know him quite well. if you don't know the husband; then don't get involved. i learnt my lesson the hard way.

on another note, an ex boyfriend of mine was cheating on me and my best friend knew for months. when it all came out i felt so betrayed. especially when she'd given me advice on my relationship knowing he was a cheating rat. i never trusted her after that and still don't.

only get involved if those you should be loyal to risk getting hurt. other than that stick by your friends.

[Gevs1966]

Mind your own business, it has nothing to do with you until one of the parties involved comes to you themselves. Then you can offer support or condemn etc etc

[lilyfrog]

Affair, what affair???