Asexual friends?

[pitstopbunny]

I am a 37 year old asexual who would love friends with a similar outlook, does anyone based in the UK know of any good websites/contacts etc to find some?

[Scarlett]

Can you define asexual ie- what it means to you? I might know a group but am not sure if it is the same as you.

[Scarlett]

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

But this site looks like what you need.

[pitstopbunny]

I know that site but cannot find a section where I can look for a friend without having to suscribe & pay money! The summary sums me up perfectly though

[David H]

Most of the women I know...

[pitstopbunny]

Thanks for the sarcasm David H. As an asexual, I do not find it a laughing matter and I am sure none of the women you know suffer from this - maybe it is just their reaction to you!

[David H]

My sense of humour can take getting used to! ;-)

[David H]

Interesting site, to be honest I'd never even heard of it before, and I'd be interested to know if it's a physical or psychological cause, and if psychological can be treated as life must be pretty miserable...

[pitstopbunny]

From my own point of view, it is not miserable at all, I haven't had sex for about 9 years and certainly do not feel that I am missing out on anything. I wouldn't say that it is either physical or psychological - I have never been badly treated by a man etc, or never suffered any discomfort. I have just decided that sex is not for me, I see it as an unappealing and unimportant factor in my life. Surprisingly, I have been married in the past for 14 years, and for the first half had a normal sex life but then I realised that I was only fooling myself into thinking I was normal. As a result of my feelings, I moved into the spare room and still had a very happy life, with my now ex, for another 7 years. I have never looked as asexuality as an illness, more of a choice, such as being gay.

[Scarlett]

I was just going to say what Pickly said- being asexual is a choice. Being gay is not a choice! It is what you are- like being male or female. Although maybe I am wrong- maybe being asexual IS the way one is.

Pitstopbunny, did you feel sexual attraction to your husband when you first got together? Or did you just like him and have sex because you felt you should?

[pitstopbunny]

He was good looking & very kind to me, but the sexual side of things was just because I felt I should not because I enjoyed it or wanted it. He was very understanding, especially in the last 7 years when he still remained faithful to me, although we had separate rooms.

[pitstopbunny]

I should add, re my last posting, he was 10 years older than me - very old fashioned & probably more of a good friend than anything else. This ad is not about my sexuality - I am very happy with that and have no wish to change it in any way at all, it is more about where to find like minded people to build friendships with without the assumption of sex somewhere down the line

[David H]

In a pickle, why do you think I'd assume gay people were miserable? After all I was referring to missing sex, and I don't believe that applies to most gay people.

I tried not to come across as judgemental, but having the sex drive of a group of people myself, I was both surprised and mystified. I know women are very able to detach from their sexuality in between relationships, but never thought it went beyond that, and of course there must be men the same, I suspect I know at least one thinking about it. It just shows you can't take anything for granted besides breathing (I've heard people claim they don't eat or sleep so who knows?).