Scared Of Dying Alone

[nailit]

Had yet another emergancy team called out to my dying mum tonight.
Struggling to breathe but she let it drop that she was terrified of dying alone...first time ever that she has stated such an emotion!!
Seems so much more calm and relaxed after nurses came out and we made arrangements for her to be bedded at my sisters home. Just need to hire a van tomorrow and get things moving.
She's terrified of been alone.

Hope I die before I get old
(sorry, no The Who link available)

[Mamyalynne]

It is of course a very understandable fear, glad you are putting things in place.

[calmck]

So glad that an appropriate care plan is being set up. Can your sister cope with the care or will she have help? Hope the move goes well and your mum is more mentally comfortable. Best wishes to you all

[Patsy33]

Hope she'll be more settled at your sister's house., and preparations put in place, for a more comfortable outcome. Anxious times all round. Wish you, family & your lovely Mum best wishes.

[lady-janine]

ope all goes well Nailit and everything works out to everyone's satisfaction.

[Togo]

Aww Nails. We know that is almost unbearable for you all to see and hear. Your mam will take some comfort in the fact that she is with her daughter. Your sister will need to steel herself and needs your support. You have ours.

[Hopkirk]

My thoughts are with you, and your Mum, Nailit.

She is lucky to have devoted family.
You are doing brilliant work, even if it doesn't feel like it.

[Old_Geezer]

Many are. It's a one off thing we all have to face. Hopefully someone can be nearby at all times. They need not be awake while she sleeps. IMO it's about being there.

[pastafreak]

My thoughts are with you, your mum, and your family. I hope your mother can derive peace from knowing those who love her are near.

[GenuineclAss]

I suggest a 'comfy chair' next to the bed, to curl up in, if possible.
Your sister can be there, even if she falls asleep.
Your Mum could then wake up, but see that she isn't alone.

Hope I die before I get old - it was written about the Queen Mother! Heard an interview with Pete Townshend and he explained - I agreed with him!

[nailit]

Thanks for replies,
Spent all day trying to hire a self drive van for the removal of her bed and other neccessities to my sisters home (no luck), ended up hiring a man and his van for tomorrow.
She seems a lot more relaxed now that she will be having 24 hour care at my sisters.
Thanks again for replies.

[allenlondon]

Dreadful to hear from your own mum, nailit. We all have different fears about death, but that is heartbreaking.

The only good thing (?) about it is that she said it to you in time for you to try and do something.

Feel for you, pal... and your mum.

[pixie374]

Nailit, I'm just so glad she said, and that you are able to carry out her wishes between you.
//Hope I die before I get old//

Personally, I would change that to "hope I die before I get ill"....
I would be more concerned about the quality of life and death, than the date xx

[andres]

This is a good move and who knows once she gets settled with her family around her she might show some improvement. I sincerely hope so.

[Barsel]

It's good that you have been able to find somewhere your Mum can be as she comes to the end of her life. Will it be near to where you live so you can go to see her too? I should imagine a lot of people would have a fear of dying on their own. Best wishes to you and your family nailit.

[Barsel]

GenuineclAss It seems it was just a myth about the song being written about the Queen Mother.

///The legendary guitarist said: "Well there is a story that it's inspired by the Queen Mother having my Packard Hearse towed away from outside my house, but that's not really what happened."
Townshend added: "My Generation was inspired by the fact that I felt as artists we had to draw a line between all those people who had been involved in the second world war and all those people who were born right at the end of the war."///

I always took it to mean that they would want to die before they got old so they wouldn't turn out to be the grumpy old people who don't understand the new generation.
A bit similar to the Small Faces and Lazy Sunday.

[nailit]

Thanks so much for further responses, appreciate them all.

//Will it be near to where you live so you can go to see her too?//
Where she lives now is (until tomorrow) literally a couple of streets away. My sister lives a mile or so away so only a 10 min bike/bus ride.

Dont mean to post so much about my mum, its just that since her 'terminal' diagnosis over 20 months ago, its been a roller coaster of a ride with one thing and another, Ive appreciated everyones support/help/advice and listening ear on here so thank you all...

[pixie374]

Nailit, you have kept her anonymous. If it helps to post, please do x

[Mamyalynne]

It's important to share and talk and sometimes family isn't quite right for all you need to say.

Take care.

[MallyJ]

Nailit...no need for any apologies....people here care about you and understand exactly what you and your family are dealing with. Look after yourself and your mum and your sister. Big virtual hug to you from a complete stranger

[nailit]

I know that sometimes on AB I come across as a d1 ck or a drunk or argumentitive or a head case or....(add your own description)!
But sometimes having people outside your own 'sphere' can be so much more refreshing than people in your own 'bubble' < no covid intentioned!!
Im fortunate enough to have a few really close friends who would do anything to help but sometimes we just need to sound off. Most of my family dont speak to me (And yet they will be the first ones to lay claim to my mums belongings when shes gone despite never been there for her) But i wouldnt burden my friends constantly, like I have been able to on here, with my endless questions asking for advice, help or whatever.
Sorry for the ramblings, half way down a bottle of vodka.
Been up since 4:30, down my mums 4 times today + trying to get my own stuff sorted (shopping etc) on my day off.
Thank you all again and apologies for not replying to each of you individualy which I would have liked to have done.