What Are Ways To Better Reality And Not Feel Suicidal?

[Cjnix]

Ever Since I accidently made one mistake my life has been the worst it has ever been. I accidently dropped food in my dad's truck because I forgot to put my phone in my pocket before trying to hold the food. He got mad at me and I responded to him by telling him I forgot to put my phone in my pocket but he stayed silent. Immediately after I pushed him right before we returned home and then once we were there he called my mom and told her about what I did. My mom defended him, asked me if I did it out of boredom of being home with him, told me that the police could've arrested me because of my age, and for no reason at all she suddenly gave me a key chain which I placed in my room and never used. I apologized to him after my mom told me to. Ever since then he don't speak to me unless it is about what meal to buy me. In 2020 he read a sports related tweet in which a user spoke badly about a team I like and I went downstairs and pushed him. My mom defended him, talked about me being put in a group home, and told me to apologize to him and I did but also she told my dad to include me more because I told her that he don't speak to me and that he told me after the after I pushed him a second time "there's the door" but he hasn't changed and has been acting the same way he began acting in the previous year. I was desperate in both situations because my words didn't make a positive difference whether I used the right ones like I did the first time or none the during second incident in which I just pushed him. I was desperate for a response and annoyed by him so I had to get physical since my words don't matter and ignoring him is impossible. I hate the fact that my mom defended him instead of telling him that he should've responded to me after I gave him an explanation for why I dropped the food in his truck and nor did she tell him that he should stop being annoying so therefore I have no one on my side even though my mom once told me that she was "on my side". Overall I'm mentally ill but also I've had 2 seizures, I'm epileptic, and I have eczema which has very often prevented me from sleeping and has caused me pain due to scratching due to itching. My issues are mental and physical and can't be permanently cured and permanently prevented. Since none of my issues can be eliminated I have only one choice and the choice is suicide. If had another choice it would be to live in a 24/7 uncertain, annoying, and lonely reality. I'd rather quit living before I suddenly die in any way. I also feel triggered to commit suicide because I hear bad news daily and see on social media sometimes. I can't avoid bad news because if I ignored it then I would be missing reality which is too much for me. I quit on life and I'm not going to try to do the impossible which is survive in nonstop bad reality. I feel that my dad wants me to move out and my mom is liar who defends him and gets in me every time even though he initiated all the drama both times and my parents hating me makes want to commit suicide.