I'm feeling really good, but my friends are getting jealous

[mizuislife]

I have two friends who are both unemployed, overweight, and pretty disatisfied with their life. My one friend has had three jobs in the last month and none of them worked out. She phones me about 5 times a day. My other friend who is unemployed has been acting pretty weird too. She keeps asking if I'll drive her to places and to pay for things. I have a car, and I have a job. Both of my friends have neither. I've also lost quite a bit of weight and get a lot of attention from guys. Sometimes I don't even like talking to my friends about my job, or other things going in my life because they will get jealous.

But I feel that they are just dragging me down. I had been unemployed before so I used to feel like I could relate to them, but now I have a job so much has changed. When I told them that I was getting more hours because the boss thought I was doing a good job I could REALLY tell the one friend was jealous, I guess she had gotten fired from another job.

What should I do? I don't want to just drop them but at the same time they are dragging me down.

[jjaammeess]

Hi this sounds like what happens in a marriage when one person changes and the other person doesn't.It creates all sorts of problems and may lead to the breakdown of the marriage.your friends are unwilling or unable to change.you are doing the right thing by facing up to life and you are finding it very rewarding.Have a good talk with your friends and tell them to wise up and go out and get a job.Don't let them drag you down.if this does not work you may have to 'divorce' your friends and this will probably cause you a lot of pain. but it may be necessary for you to progress.good luck in

[jno]

jjaammeess is right. Friendship is a two-way thing; friends should enjoy each others' successes, not try to drag them back down into some kind of shared failure. If your friends can't cope with the new you, they're the ones ending the friendship. You don't have to dump them, just back off slowly, tell them you are too busy now to make a particular date or have to use your car to go elsewhere. They'll eventually get the message. You'll be making new friends via the new job, which is natural. Make the most of how your life is picking up; you deserve it.

[WendyS]

This is a difficult one because even between good friends, ugly jealousy can rear its head. Your best objective, instead of letting them drag you down, is to try and raise them up, increasing their aspirations and motivating them to do better for themselves. Switch your mobile phone off so your friend can't keep contacting you. Tell your other scrounging friend that you don't have any spare cash these days as you've set yourself a strict budget and are saving up for a holiday, house deposit, or whatever else you can think of, as you're determined to make a success of your life. Keep emphasising to them how much better your life is since you took yourself in hand. lost weight and got really involved with your job, etc. . If they don't have the intelligence and motivation to take responsibility for their own destinies, I suggest you slowly drop them and find some more positive friends. Such individuals always look for excuses to blame others for the circumstances in which they find themselves. Thirty years on they'll probably still be doing it without realising that they only have themselves to blame. Everybody has bad luck occasionally but it's part of life learning to rise above it and if they can't see that, move on without them.

[ref43]

Everyone is right...... This is a difficult one btwn good friends. One of the worst parts is that ugly jealousy can rear its head. I agree w/wendys your 1st option should be to try to motivate your friends to do better! Don't talk to them all the time on the phone & if they ask for cash, tell them you don't have any on you or that you are saving up for the holidays. Keep telling them & emphasizing to them how much better your life is since you took yourself in hand. You got involved in your job & lost weight. By the way, how did you lose your weight???? I'm just curious. If they don't take your motivation & help themselves, then you should drop them slowly. You will meet other friends that may be better friends at your new job that won't drag you down.

[Hermia]

I agree with the others and say you should try to motivate them, but also back off a little. The question to ask yourself is what would they do if they were going through a great time and you weren't? If you know deep-down that they would try and support you then maybe you should try and be understanding. If you have a feeling that they would drop you and run off into the sunset maybe you don't need to be quite so loyal! This one of those situations which is horrible, but you can empathise with your friends because most of us would feel envious if our life was going wrong when everyone else is having a great time.