Guilt trips

[Minxie]

Hi all, I feel I do all I can, but always seem to end up doing something wrong. And mega guilt trip kicks in. Why? And how do we get over these?

[David H]

I analysed it some time ago and divided it into two parts. We nearly always make mistakes through lack of facts. If we knew what we were doing fully, it would be pretty hard to get it wrong. The second part ought to raise guilt but rarely does, when we make a mistake, learn the facts, and carry on making it. Luckily that is a lot rarer than the first cause, and totally avoidable!

[jno]

'Always'? Plenty of things don't go to plan, of course, many of them for the reason David gives, but plenty of others work out fine. Are you sure you aren't obsessing over your failures and forgetting your successes?

Having things work out wrong is still pretty normal, though, and I don't think you need feel guilt about it. Guilt is usually what we feel when someone else has been wronged and we feel we're to blame - is someone else involved here? Someone who's criticising you and blaming you?

If not, and it's just you, then I'd do as David suggests: figure out exactly what went wrong, learn from it. That's how we all make our way through life, and I seriously doubt you're any worse, or any guiltier, than anyone else!

[james_m246]

I know exactly what you mean Minxie i'm just the same. I just try to think about something the other person has done to meor something to try and cancel it out.

[Drusilla]

You have to defeat the 'internal critic' in your head who is always telling you bad things about yourself.

'You're not good enough!'
'Well, that was rubbish, wasn't it?'

The annoying thing about this 'critic' is you know it's wrong, but it has welded itself into your psyche and is often stronger than your positive side. Think of the angel and the devil sitting on the cat's shoulders in the 'Tom and Jerry' cartoons.
I hope you don't mind me recommending a book that I'm forever reading because I suffer just the same problem.
'Self Esteem' by M.Mckay & P. Fanning
It's from New Harbinger Publications Inc and is American, so you'll probably have to order it.
Good luck and best wishes.

[scooby20_10]

Its really normal i've experienced it too. All you have to do is think back and think things out and see was it really all your fault. Whether it is or isnt, still think out the good things and not the bad that is what i do .

[joko]

there is a book called 'the eroneous zones' all about pointless emotions that just clog up our lives and don't actully get us anywhere, like guilt and worry- can't recall who wrote it but i thought it helped me

[Cymbeline]

I think guilt is largely a female disease (correct me if I'm wrong fellas). As I get older I find myself feeling guilty and responsible for more and more including especially guilt about my parents. Guilty that my father is on his own tonight and my brother and I have chosen to stay with my mum. Guilty that he is alone due to wrongs he has committed and are certainly nothing to do with me but I feel guilty about them anyway. Do I think he feels guilty for being a rubbish father? I do not.