If it's any help I know someone - no longer in the prime of youth - who for years rarely left the sofa and drank a bottle of vodka - and sometimes more - a day, until eventually she collapsed and was taken to hospital. Her internal organs were failing. She was in there a week, and I don't know what they said to her or what treatment she received, but whatever it was it worked, because she has never touched a drop since and she's now out and about and enjoying life to the full. An elderly Jewish lady - the treasured mentor of my student days who lost all her family in the Holocaust - once told me, 'When things can't get any darker they must get lighter', and generally that's true. Hope so very often turns out to be worthwhile. You might not be walking the many miles you've walked in the past right now, but you've certainly started the journey to regaining good health. You're talking about it and you're doing something about it, and that is commendable because even with that awful darkness enveloping the mind, it proves you have the strength of character to fight it - and win. Onwards
sandyRoe - and my very best wishes to you.