End Of Life

[nailedit]

Currently visiting someone who is end of life care.
Stage 4 cancer etc.
He's quiet open an honest about the fact and doesnt seem to have a care in the world about it.
Just accepts it for what it is.

Been to visit today and he's talked about the news and the 3pm government phone alert etc
(both there when it happened) and other things.

Just dont think that I would be able to have the same composure that he has.
????

[Barsel]

nailedit Perhaps he doesn't feel like that on the inside.
Some people are very good at putting on a front, or perhaps he has just accepted it.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

[-SharonA-]

My FIL had cancer & from the minute he got his diagnosis, he took to his bed, he was so defeatist & woe is me attitude. No amount of cajoling would get him out of bed. He died 18 months later.

[Redhelen72]

My father had a very similar outlook and decided to enjoy his last moments that he could and he did.
I can only hope that I go the same way

[retrocop]

I have a myriad of potentially fatal ailments. Sqad even diagnosed my demise when I was 2 years in the wilderness when some kind souls asked where I was. :-) I am happy to live from day to day. When asked how I am I reply 'I still have a pulse' My only concern is the loved ones I leave behind but other than that I don't give a toss if I don't open my eyes in the morning. I have had a brilliant life with amazing mates and family so I can't complain. I was taught things in the past that youngsters wouldn't be allowed ,maybe, today. Shoot Fullbore firearms which I still do, and pilot gliders and earn a BGA Licence at 16years. I feel sorry for the youth of today

[davebro]

//Just dont think that I would be able to have the same composure that he has...

How would your "lack of composure" manifest itself?

[douglas9401]

As blank manuscript sheets?

[jourdain2]

OH celebrated his 90th birthday this month, after a very nasty illness that put him in hospital with all the symptoms of a stroke/deep brain bleed. ( It turned out to be a 'G.O.K. virus' - there have been some odd ones around it seems.) So for a couple of days we were facing 'the end'. It has brought us very close together and made us conscious of how precious we are to each other. We are fortunate.

If you think that your death is certain, there is no point in wasting your energy in lamentations, it's as simple as that. I've known people in that situation and they have all found acceptance and positivity in using the time they still have left.

[DTCwordfan]

blanks - a lot of men have problems in firing them from a young age. I am sure that Sqad can advise.....Maybe there ought to be a campaign to ban the dispensers?

[anneasquith]

He may well be on analgesia/ sedation even anti depressants . Which will give him some peace .

[Old_Geezer]

Should you ever be in that position you may well find the serenity to accept the things that you cannot change.

The inevitable comes to us all, without favour. We may find that we do not fear our return as much as we thought we might.

[rowanwitch]

You might be surprised, in the end most of the patients I cared for seemed to find a degree of acceptance, a giving in to the inevitability. Strangely most of those who fought, or were distressed were those who had professed to being committed christians. They often seemed fearful of what awaited them, but were usually comforted by our lovely chaplain, a gentleman in whose end of life care I was peripherally involved.

I hope when my end comes I will accept it as simply the completion of my cycle, and like the wheat I should not fear the reaper.

[barry1010]

Some people who have been suffering with ill health and pain for some time welcome the knowledge that the end is coming. Other's don't.

I really don't think anyone can predict the way they will react in that situation.

Welcome back, Nailit, sorry your friend is in this situation, I'm sure you are being a good support to him, hope someone is supporting you

[naomi24]

You might be surprised, nailit. I’ve known a lot of people who’ve faced their impending demise like that, calmly accepting the inevitable. In fact I know one right now, full of light-hearted positivity. Funny really. She was always such a moaner and so critical of everything.

[Barmaid]

I had to say goodbye to someone I loved dearly a few years ago. I know he was jarred off about it, because he wanted to reach 100, but he was extremely sanguine. Although his capacity had largely gone, the last time I saw him he very clearly said "Goodbye" to me - it was obvious when we were taking our leave. The look in his eyes was everything, the grip of his hand and the way he whispered "Bye bye dear (my name)". I walked away, feeling gutted, but also knowing that he was content and ready. The feeling of peace I felt was unbelievable. I refused to go back and see him - we had parted in the way he wanted to and when he died a few days later, whilst I was grief stricken I was also so comforted. At the end his two favourite people were there - although he waited for one of them to arrive before he just slipped away smiling.

You have said in your opening post, he just accepts it. Acceptance can be extremely empowering and comforting at the same time.

Your friend has obviously accepted his own mortality, but equally still retains an interest in the world he will soon leave. Sounds to me like he had a good life and now has planned to have a good death.

[naomi24]

I had a similar experience, barmaid. Not a parent but someone who had been with me all my life and my best friend always. His last words to me were ‘love you’ - and mine to him - ‘love you too’ - the best way to part. I miss him every day.

[RATTER15]

As an atheist, I find it reassuring that when my time comes, there will be nothing, end of life, that's it! I have nothing to fear, no hell, no heaven. It's funny how so many people think they are going to meet loved ones on the other side, maybe look back over their life and think again, they may be going in the other direction! I have no such concerns, it's a load of childish nonsense. My only concern is the manner in which I die. I think I will die peacefully and my only worry will be those left behind. I have been with many people in their last hours and minutes, they are generally at peace with dying. I think the older you are, the more at peace you are with the thought of dying.

[Lie-in King]

Nailedit - I've been in the same place too often for my liking, most recently with Lynne (Mamya), who also knew her time was up & from the time of her diagnosis, simply wanted to know that she wouldn't be alone. I'd been with her 24/7 - as had others - & she went peacefully with her hands held, hearing our love.

No-one can truly know how they'll face their end until it comes. I have no-one left to worry over me & when it's my time, I'd like to think that I'll be at peace, with a clear conscience, saying "Oh well, ***, that's that then...". I have no fear of dying per se, more of dying unexpectedly, leaving things undone & unsaid. Your friend's acceptance of his condition - I think - means that you can know he'll pass comfortably.

I'm very sorry you & your friend are in this situation & I wish you both all the best.

[Lie-in King]

Sigh - *** = "s od it"

[naomi24]

LiK, *** has long been my philosophy on life.

[naomi24]

Ditto ‘sigh’. Why does the ‘it’ disappear with the ‘sod’?