Is Everyone Now Too Busy To Be Social Anymore?

[Chasingcars]

I am 44,fairly sociable person but everyone seems to be too busy to meet up or make plans.I like nothing more than meeting for a morning coffee/lunch/. Even coming to mine for a cuppa.I have a good group of friends made through school,baby groups over the years and old school friends plus family near by so consider myself lucky.

I have considered doing more clubs but I am also going through a separation so I am being careful with money at the moment (note noone knows about the separation yet so this isn't a reason why people may not want to meet but)

My daughter is at primary.I do each school drop off/pick up except 2 pickups a week on my long work days. I enjoy these and have made some good friends over the 7 years my daughter has been there.

However I go home, and often much of my day is spent alone, not for want of trying! And, post Christmas where there is less running about to do, im finding alone time is making me get quite down.

I work part time, tho looking to increase my hours/ days when daughter is at secondary school so a lot of my friends work when I am at home and understand that.

But as some examples

My parents,who are retired and in good health live about 20mins away. I call them most days and see what they are upto.Often they will say they are going for x walk, sometimes this is near to where I live, so will say 'oh pop in for a cuppa', to be met with 'oh we need to get back because we need to get dinner on/weather looks bad/ mums going out ..'

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[Chasingcars]

(Continued from question above...)

...Or they may mention they went for lunch and walked past my office on my work day - I ask why they didnt call as I could met for coffee, and they say 'we thought you were busy' or 'we only had an hour' etc etc

In 2022 I had treatment for Breast cancer and have recovered well. During the time everyone was like 'oh when you are better we should do this and this..' and reality is everyone just seems too busy.

I see my parents once a week as they pickup my daughter from school and I cook for them, but once she starts secondary school I wont see them as they never suggest meeting up. We never get invited to their house for dinner and can't recall the last time we were invited. They get on well with my husband so no issues there. It's always us hosting Christmas, birthdays etc but worry if I dont my daughter will miss out.

I made a suggestion of lets book a sunday lunch out somewhere this month - and my mum asks what for! errr to be social!

I have one brother who is a couple of years older, and rarely hear from him despite me trying to message regularly and plan things. He is the sort of person who wants 2 months notice if you pop in for coffee.

He was away for Christmas so suggested we go out for lunch as well - no reply! I have a hospital appt coming up right near his house and knowing he works at home thought I would pop in say hi on way back in his break - but he's now working in office that day even though he has been WFH for 3 years!

I'm happy to make arrangements but always me suggesting/planning and if I didnt nothing would happen.

I have tried sitting back and letting other people make plans and as thought some people have disapeared so could argue are they true friends?

I worry over time I won't have many people to be social with especially as when my daughter goes to secondary,she will be on the bus so I won't even have that time in morning and afternoon which I will miss.

In my girlfriend groups, I suggest trips out for meal/theatre, some may reply,some don't and then so much time lapses that we have to start all over again. Also feel unless people want to do things,maybe I shouldnt bother as if I keep reminding people could make me look desperate! So any ideas on how I can improve this situation?I have considered doing voluntary work to keep me busy/meet new people but due to my separation I also need to increase my paid work to cover costs there.

[dustypuss]

It look like everybody's to busy to answer your thred. 😉

[Rosetta]

How bout some adult education sessions locally, exercise or hobby based whichever suits you best

[ladybirder]

Try joining a Walking Group or Bird Watching Group in your area.  I travelled to many parts of this country with mine even having overnight stays sometimes.

[Hazlinny]

Think you hit the nail on the head in your opening lines - life for many in your age group goes by at speed - families are busy and maybe money is scarce, especially after Christmas.  Volunteering/befriending might be an idea but, if you need cash, seeking more hours at work is the only answer.  An idea for coffee might be to arrange a Coffee Morning for a local charity and invite people from your social circle ....  people usually respond to something like that.  Don't sit back feeling sorry for yourself .... 

[Chasingcars]

Thanks all, some good suggestions.

I'm not feeling sorry as such for myself just started to notice my mood dipping a little after long periods on my own and I do like my own time, but not all the time! And not through lack of trying. Just frustrating my own family don't want to be social and in case of my parents who are retired and have more time, still have no time, or limited time to want to do anything!

Charity coffee morning a good idea, I have done a bit fr MacMillan plus I bake too so maybe that could entice people!

[puzzled54]

I think that covid and lockdown have changed a lot of people. I agree with the walking suggestion, look online at the ramblers and see what is happening near you

[Maydup]

What about taking a part time job locally, maybe in a shop or school? It would help financially and help to make new friends. 

[Canary42]

Perhaps if you whinge as much as you have in the OP, they are reluctant to engage.  

 

Just a thought, I hope it doesn't offend 😊.

[Chasingcars]

Thanks Maydup , yes I have started looking at some local jobs, school based or similar. I think too my current job which is in compliance is quite isolated and don't have many people around me which doesnt help! I have done part time estate agent work in past, doing viewings and loved that. Got me out meeting people and I'm passionate about houses so win win. Money wasn't brilliant but I really enjoyed it.

[Chasingcars]

Hi Canary42, I didn't think I was particularly whinging just thought if I added some information and history  for context that would help explain my situation a little better.

[Chasingcars]

Puzzled54, yes agree and think that's a fair point.

I would add that ive never been one for pubs or clubs, I'm completely teetotal anyway and don't drink at all, so I'm  much happier having friends pop in for tea or go for a walk etc.

Guess too people have got into new habits since COVID and just don't go out as much.

[jourdain2]

Covid and lockdown have had an appalling effect on people, Chasingcars.  Every church I know has lost about 1/2 their regular congregation - who now sit at home and use the Zoom Services.  I live in an area with lost of small villages with Village Halls -ALL, every single one, are struggling to survive.  People don't come out any more.

It's the mindset that was encouraged - you don't have to go to school - do it on line............. you don't haveto go to work, do it on line .............. It has all but smashed society.

We are  fighting back and sticking in there - my church offers Coffee, Cake, A Chat and a Craft every Wed. afternoon and we stick with it as well as running events and items of interest. 

I suggest you support the ones in your area and try to get society going again.  That's all. :)

[Chasingcars]

Jourdain2 , yes would agree with that. So much is online and I hate it! Much prefer being out and about. My church does tea and coffee each week so we always stay and support that as well as quiz nights and similar.

Even got a load of us together for the annual church spring clean which was fun!

I think too, COVID had us all having to book everything online and in advance and that's kind of stayed...I miss the spontaneity of just doing something on the day and not having to book. Maybe that puts people off planning too.

Always feel too that people wil make rough plans and then get a better offer cancel which I find annoying!

One of my good friends runs a small coffee shop near me so always make a point to pop in for coffee or breakfasts as it's these smaller places we will lose otherwise for sure. Likewise after my cancer treatment was finished I used the same venue for end of treatment party, would rather give them the business.

I've met some great people through church so hopefully that will open up more social meetings over time.