Help For Ederly Uncle.

[Tilly2]

I have an uncle who is in his eighties who lives alone in a council bungalow.

He really cannot look after himself but refuses any suggestions of carers, cleaners and medical aid. He has macular degeneration and is totally blind in one eye, has mobility problems and wears two hearing aids...sometimes.

He can't remember things like how to use his washing machine and often, when I speak to him on the phone, has the phone upside down so he can't hear me.

He wil not accept any help although he does have a son and an older sister who he will 'allow' to go in and do a bit of washing and cleaning. He says he's ok on his own and doesn't see that he needs help.

Can anything be done for him?

 

[Tilly2]

^Elderly^

[Rosetta]

I dont think help can be forced on him. However could the son go along with a carer a few times to see   if his dad might become familiar and more accepting of the carer over time, it would have to be the same carer each time to work.

What does the son have to say about the situation

[davebro3]

yes - let him get on with his life as he chooses!

[Rosetta]

Unfortunately situations like this sometimes end in a crisis. 

Tilly, does your uncle have mental capacity?

[Tilly2]

His son tries to suggest different options to him but he point blank refuses any help.

Yes, I know it's his life but I worry about him so much and it upsets me to think about him sitting at home all alone and helpless.

[Tilly2]

Rosetta, yes, I believe so but he seems to be unable to remember anything. 

I think it will all end in a crisis too. I predict a fall and then hospitalisation, then, hopefully, a care facility for him.

[barry1010]

It is difficult but losing independence is an enormous thing and can lead to someone giving up altogether and hasten deterioration in mood and overall health.

If he is eating well, keeping himself clean and tidy and is still interested in doing things he enjoys I would let him carry on as he is.

 

[barry1010]

Shame can be a factor in refusing help from strangers.  If he has let things go too much he may be embarrassed to let a stranger provide help.

[naomi24]

I can understand elderly people wanting to retain their independence but sometimes they are their own worst enemy.  Whatever you are able to arrange - if he ever agrees - no one is going to be with him 24/7.  Has he got an emergency button he can wear so if he falls he can alert someone?  That at least would put your mind at rest a little.  

[Rosetta]

Sadly thats the way it goes Tilly 

[barry1010]

We don't realise we are aging and need help.

It was a shock when I saw an old lady I vaguely recognised and realised I was at school with her. How can she be that old?

[bednobs]

i think its your problem, not his. people are free to make what may seem like unwise choices

[davebro3]

Provided he has mobility & is compos mentis he should be allowed to do as he he chooses. Woe betide anyone who tries to interfere with MY independence!

[Tilly2]

I suppose you are all correct. It's his life and his problem.

He has a pull cord emergency alarm but refuses to wear one round his neck.

I just wish I lived nearer so that I could go and help him.

Thanks for your responses.

[Tilly2]

This uncle has now been admitted to hospital with COPD and pneumonia. I guess that this is the crisis we were talking about.

[naomi24]

That doesn't sound good at all, Tilly.  Poor man.  I wish him well.

[Tilly2]

Thank you, Naomi. 

[Smowball]

Sorry to hear your uncle is poorly Tilly. Just wondered - how does he manage with things like shopping and cooking for himself?

[Tilly2]

Thank you, Smow. His son shops for him and most of his meals are prick and ping unless one of his sisters  brings him a dinner.

He can manage the microwave.

 

[Khandro]

Try to find a young attractive helper, it might buck him up having her around.