Observance of religious rituals as an atheist

[LazyGun]

Not sure where to put this question, which is an etiquette question I guess.

I have recently attended a couple of funerals. These were both traditional funerals with prayer and hymns etc. As an atheist, I feel uncomfortable reciting the prayers and singing hymns, but at the same time I dont really want to offend either others there or the memory of those who had died.

Any thoughts or advice?

[jno]

Just do it. Unless the funeral is for family or a close friend of yours, the ceremony isn't really for you; you're there out of respect for the dead, and respect suggests you should go along with whatever the observance is. Feel free to stipulate a non-religious funeral for yourself.

[rampart]

LazyGun,

You have to balance courtesy and your beliefs. It is very courteous of you in those situations to just go with what the majority are doing: stand, sit, kneel. By doing that, you are paying respect to the deceased and his/her family. Chances are, the people around you are not ones you know. By just going with what they do, you are simply blending in and not being any sort of distraction.

I am Christian, but I am trying to take your point of view. I do not think you'd be giving off the "wrong signal" by doing that. In other words, if I were a few pews behind you and knew you were athiest, I doubt I'd come up and say, Well, LazyGun, I see you have converted. On the contrary, I would think you were being very polite.

Now let's put me in your shoes: if I were to go to an atheist service, and - let's just pretend - there were some sort of creed, "I do not believe in God the Father...I do not believe in Jesus Christ, his only begotten son..." Well, that's a tough one! I might stand when the congregation stands, but I would not say the words they are saying.

One last comment: attending a funeral, wedding, or Christening is supportive of the people who invited you. I do not think of it as supporting my religion. My wedding was high mass at the cathedral and my relatives' funerals were also at the cathedral. Our friends come from all walks of life, politics, race, creeds, sexuality, and the like. Just attending the event does not mean, at least to me, that they support my religion; it just means they support me. While some of them did not take Communion, they did otherwise do what everyone else seemed to be doing. I doubt some of them said the prayers or sang the hymns, but I think that's fine if they are not comfortable with this.

I hope that helps........

[LazyGun]

Yes, both been helpful.... thanks for your responses :)

[andy-hughes]

I understand your situation. I too am an aetheist, but my wife, in-laws, and children are all baptised Catholics. I attend Mass regularly with my family, and observe all the rituals, except I do not genuflect (bow) to the alter, and I do not cross myself.

It is hardly a strain on my beliefs, or rather lack of them, to observe almost all the religious ritual for the sake of my family, and I am happy to do so.

[Cetti]

My words would echo to those of jno - this is not about you but the friends and family of the deceased. I'm a Christian but have been to numerous funerals where the service has been so awful that I've felt like running out! Then I remember everyone has their own way of dealing with bereavement and I've felt thoroughly selfish.

My advice would be to bow your head and mime. Put on the performance of your life, sing gibberish if you like (quietly of course) - but think of the family and behave accordingly.

[LindaBon]

I am an atheist and do not feel right at all saying the prayers although I respect other peoples beliefs.

I merely stand or sit and lower y eyes and think about why I am there. My husband had a Christain service when he died as he had at one time been a regular churchgoer and on the PCC many of his friends are Christains - I felt it was the right thing to do but i did not feel at all embarassed or out of place by not praying. I do sing the hymns at weeddings etc just because I enjoy singing them.

as long as you are not being deliberately offensive to anyone i think you should just do what you feel comfortable with

[Lonnie]

I would like to echo some of the previous posts, i'm Jewish, but have many friends of different faiths, when I go to a Funeral in a Church, I don't feel comfortable, but I sing the hymns, and take a full part in the service, out of respect for the bereaved, and the religeon of the deceased, for a couple of reasons, (1), If there's a God, he/she will understand, (2), If there's no God, it doesn't matter, except to the people there.

[MORELLO]

I feel the same way. When attending such an event, I tend to do pretty much what others around me are doing, as far as standing/sitting etc are concerned. I don't however sing or recite any prayer. I am 'Godfather' to my neice, and out of respect for my brother I denounced (?) the devil etc, but retained my own personal views...

[Drusilla]

I a Humanist and attend weddings, funerals and baptisms of religious and pseudo-religious friends and just go with the flow. I don't wish to make a scene, or have people think I'm making an issue of my beliefs at their celebration. I suppose I go into actress mode and put on a performance.
I also think it enables my daughters to make more informed choices about their own beliefs. My elder daughter loves singing hymns and I wouldn't be surprised if she joined a cheerful, singalong church when she's older.
I will be sad if she lets any faith stand in the way of reasoned thought, but I wouldn't prevent her making such a choice.

[LazyGun]

Thank again to all for your responses.

I try to be a courteous individual, and I have been participating in the forms of the services etc. I think my discomfort stemmed more from the thought that people there, mostly family members, who knew my views would think I was mocking them or whatever.

Once again, thanks for your help.

[charliep88]

I once thought I wanted to become an athiest but thought better of it as there are no holidays

[charliep88]

I meen atheist

[Buenchico]

I'm an atheist and I don't believe in either funerals or memorials, so my solution is usually simply to refuse to attend funerals.

I did break my rule, however, just before Christmas to attend the funeral of an aunt. This was solely because I valued the chance to meet some relatives - I still regarded the ceremony itself as an utter waste of time, effort and money. There weren't any prayers that were actually recited by the congregation but, if there had been, I'd have simply bowed my head and stayed silent. There were some hymns; I just silently mouthed the words. (This was probably appreciated by anyone in the congregation who'd ever heard my attempts at singing. I'm sure my grunts and groans would have seemed far more 'disrespectful' than my silence ever could!).

Chris

PS: Perhaps someone could suggest what a republican atheist like myself is expected to do during the playing of a National Anthem that calls upon a non-existent god to 'save' a monarch whom I refuse to acknowledge? (I always remain seated).