Food & Drink2 mins ago
decisions of the heart or mind
Hi,
I am a 29 year old Irish male who has been 'going-out- with a Swedish girl for over 3 1/2 years now. This has been my first serious relationship, and a very loving one at that. Age didn't seem to be an issue at the beginning as she seemed quite mature, and her real-age wasn't revealed until after 3 months of initally meeting, at which point i was too involved to care. Anyway we met in Ireland and after about a year she returned to Sweden to begin university and abandoned it after 6 months, before returning to me in Ireland. We lived happily enough in Ireland, but it became apparent that taking her degree anywhere other than Sweden was unaffordable - i decided to leave my well-paid,secure job and up stakes to go with her to sweden. I have been here for 16 months now and have found it very hard to get a job and get to know people. As well as this, I am beginning to consider marriage and kids - I do know that at some stage i will want both. However my girlfriend, who is now 23 is rather indifferent to both. I have a hard time figuring out whether this is down to cultural differences, age difference or both. I have been offered very good work back home, compared with a mediocre job here in sweden. I love here very much, but I do want Kids and a family at some stage( not right now!) but she can't decide if she wants it or not. I love her very much , but I feel rather isolated here and need to work in an English speaking environment. Its both these issues and i have difficulty separating the two - any advice would be greatly appreciated. k
Answers
No best answer has yet been selected by kdawg. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.It is difficult to seperate the issues because they are your life! Much easier for us readers to do that!!
Firstly you need to figure out what makes you really happy, being with her and feeling isolated and perhaps not as successful as you could be. Or being back in Ireland, with your family and friends in a good job?
You've been in Sweden to support her, maybe its time she made a compromise and went back to Ireland with you to support you for a while. If she's not willing to do that then I'm afraid you have your answer.
Also, the fact that one day you want to settle down and have a family and a marraige and she doesn't (as yet) can only put further strain on your relationship.
If you're not happy now, you're not going to get any happier by staying where you are.
Good luck!!
Hi, I'm an Irish male as well but a good deal older than you, at 45.I always wanted kids and got married in my early 20's and had a family. That all went wrong for various reasons and I eventually remarried and had more children so that we now live as one large family (I have custody of my first children).The point I'm trying to make is that with regard to having a family and being a father I'm so much better at it now than was in my 20's and even 30's, so in that regard you have lots more time for yourself and your girlfriend to really decide. She's fairly young to be thinking of kids and will like as not want them maybe as she gets older, so I'd give her time since you aren't running out of it yourself for a bit.
With regards the isolation,I can understand that but that's something really that only the two of yous can sort out between you. Does she know your feeling as you are? Talk about it and see if something can't be done. I hope you do alright and that everything goes well for you both.
I can feel with you...
My American husband lives with me in Germany. I know he would love to go back, but is staying because I do not want to live in the States.
Of course we cleared all that up, before we got married, but sometimes I still wonder for how long he can be happy here. He hardly speaks the language, and once he gets out of the army, it will probably be difficult for him to find a job.
But to your problem: I think the only person to make the final decission is you. However, I do not think a relationship can work if for example kids are really important to you and she does not want any.
At 29 I think you don't have to make the final decission straight away, but if you are really unhappy in Sweden, eventually your relationship will suffer.
I cannot understand, why is is unaffordable for her to study in Ireland. I studied in England, and even I never had a lot of money and had to work while studying, I made it through, and yes, it would have been cheaper for me in Germany.
But with your better job, does that not even out somewhere?
I think it is important that you let her know how you feel about everything. A relationship needs compromises, and if she loves you as much as you love her and she knows that you are unhappy, you will have to find such a compromise.
Whatever happens, I wish you all the best!
Related Questions
Sorry, we can't find any related questions. Try using the search bar at the top of the page to search for some keywords, or choose a topic and submit your own question.