Old enemy

[4getmenot]

A girl in my past was a right bitch to me and caused alot of problems in my life. She isnt about now and life has moved on thank god. But I will be seeing her in the summer at a friends wedding. Thing is whenever I see her I shake and cant hold a drink because my hands shake everywhere. This isnt me being scared coz she is nothing to be scared of but she winds me up that much that the adrenaline in me makes me shake. Any way I can stop this?

[andy-hughes]

You have to make up your mind that she is no longer anything to do with you, and you won't allow yourself to be upset by her.

At a wedding, there should be plenty of room to stay out of her way, so make it your business to be where she isn't, and chat to friends, and enjoy the day. Try to forget about her in the mean time, worrying is only going to make you feel more wound up in advance.

It's time to move on and forget this destructive influence in your liffe. Enjoy the day.

[smudge]

Adding to Andy's good advice - if you feel so concerned about bumping into your ex, do you really have to attend the wedding at all?

If you have lots of friends & family who will be attending & you really want to go, then do so, but try not to make eye contact with her. If she spots you & wants to say "hello", then just reply "hello", smile sweetly & move on. Easier said than done when your trembling, but try to rise above it. Good luck.

[4getmenot]

When did I ever say it was an ex? I'm not a lesbian. Its just someone that interfered in th past. I am over it as she has moved away and I would never cause trouble at one of my closest friends wedding. But just thinking about her makes me sick to my stomach. I wont be going near her. Just need to know how I can calm myself as I want a good day. I know I definately cant speak to her and dont want to, we have no reason to talk.

[smudge]

Terribly sorry 4getmenot - only trying to help.

Your question wasn't entirely clear & it sounded to me like a previous relationship. It didn't enter my head that you were a lesbian.

Have a good day!

[4getmenot]

Thats ok. I take no offence being called one actually. Looking at it it does come across like that. No she caused alot of trouble with me and my bloke. You have a good day too. :-)

[smudge]

That's okay - no hard feelings.

[teag1rl]

If it's a really good friend that is getting married, would they mind you asking them remember your problems when they do the seating plan? This might be rubbish advice and sound petty, and I'm sure you don't want to cause a headache for your frined, but it would be a start as you will be trying to avoid this evil c*w!

[4getmenot]

teag1rl she is that close a friend that she knows not to sit us together already :-) maybe I'm worrying over nothing. Some of my friends have said to speak to her but I'm not gonna be two faced and be pally with her all night. Just like people I dont know I have no reason to be talking to her. My mate says if she causes trouble she will be out straight away.

[Cymbeline]

I know how you feel as I have been in this position and I got myself very worked up about the wedding. However, what you must keep in perspective (though it is hard) is that it is not your day, nor your witch of a friend, it is the bride and groom's day and so if anything starts between the two of you, my advice would be to extricate yourself from the conversation very quickly and keep your head held high. Good luck! May the force be with you!!

[4getmenot]

Believe me i never cause trouble because I know I am the bigger one to walk away. :-) And I know its their day and thats what I'm looking forward to :-)

[4getmenot]

Cymbeline can I ask how that wedding went for you and how you got through it?

[Cymbeline]

I arrived before her and made friends with some of the other guests. When she turned up (with her boyfriend, I was on my own) I think she expected me to be hanging off her. I wasn't. I made polite conversation then turned my back and had a laugh with the nicer people in the room. It took a lot of courage but I felt like the better person (as you said). I left early too...and patted myself on the back. Good luck!

[4getmenot]

But did you feel nervous still, I get real shaky, I dont want her to think I'm scared if she see's my glass shaking coz I'm far from that she just makes my blood boil

[Trojanfarce]

I was just wondering 4getmenot, why, if your friend is such a good one and knows of the past problems that you have with this person, she got invited too?

Good luck.

[4getmenot]

She is a good friend of hers. I would never expect my friend to invite one and not the other. What happened between me and this other girl has nothing to do with the girl who's wedding it is. I wouldnt not invite someone to my wedding just because my friend didnt get on with them.

[Trojanfarce]

I see. well, you never know, this person may come up to you and apologise profusely and beg your forgiveness!! Looks like yours is the moral high ground anyway, so hold you head high and enjoy the day. Don't know what to say about the shakes, other than the obvious.......

[4getmenot]

I wouldnt ever forgive her, we dont see eachother anymore as she moved away so no need to make up. After that I hope I dont ever see her again. Thank you all for your help. xxx And all have a great weekend :-)

[4getmenot]

She's one of these girls that probably would apologise then go to the next table and say 'ha ha I just apologised and she fell for it' She's that vindictive.

[4getmenot]

Theres always the Hen Night too :-)

[Amara]

Hi 4getmenot - Such a beautiful flower you share your name with! I know you say you can't forgive this girl, but sometimes that is the only way to feel better and really move on from what happened. Forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves, it enables us to grow and blossom. Wouldn't it be amazing if you could not only be totally calm and in control when you see her, but also shake her hand, smile and make a polite - albeit - brief conversation. I guarantee if you do you will walk away feeling a thousand feet tall and so proud of yourself. Try to relive the feelings again, acknowledge and accept them and let them go forever. I know this is hard for you but when you feel this bad it is the only way, nothing else, not even time will heal this. You are clearly a beautiful person, so really let your beautiful light shine out of you now. - Amara x