To forgive or forget

[Cymbeline]

I received a lovely bunch of flowers, sent to my place of work, by my wonderful mum who thought I deserved them because my boyfriend hadn't bothered with so much as a card. I then told my fella I had received some mysterious flowers, thinking he would feel a little bit jealous and maybe a bit guilty too. However, what I did not expect was for him to claim the bouqet as his own!! When I questioned him he mistakenly mentioned that they were roses when they were not and that he had put a message in the card..the card was blank. I could clearly tell he was lying. It was excruciating. The thing is, it would be a forgivable lie if he were twelve but he isn't!! What should I do? Is this offence inexcusable?

[OBonio]

You're not my wife are you? *hangs head in shame*

Anyway, confront him. To claim the flowers as his own is inexcusable. Saying that, you were playing the game a bit too by not being honest with him. You could have said they were from your mum....

I'm not making excuses for him, but if you will play games...

[Cymbeline]

I know..I know...the poor thing must be going through enough right now thinking I am going to find out. I expect he will make the lie deeper by claiming his flowers "didn't turn up". We have all got ourselves into this kind of a mess and he has given me a good giggle but seriously, if he can lie about this could he not be lying about more serious issues?

[Trojanfarce]

No it's not. what a low life. mind you, 'his' flowers may yet turn up!!

[Drisgirl]

He did what I would have done - played you and hoped to get away with it.Most flowers today would have been roses - tick.Most would have had a card of some desription - tick.So what if you have found him out - just have a laugh and a big cuddle when you see him!!!

Life is way too short:)

[fideldyfee]

Wind him up about it for a bit longer then just say you know they werent from him cos they were from your (lovely sounding) mother. Tell him he has a lot of making up to do and you could get a nice dinner (and the rest) out of it!

Have a nice night!

[andy-hughes]

My initial reaction was to put the flowers somewhere other than a vase!

Then I thought about it, and I figured that maybe he simply blurted out his response without thinking it through. If he is usually honest, I'd be inclined to let him squirm, and then when he 'fesses up, you can be generous, but if this is the start, or even the middle or a pattern of deceit, I'd think very carefully about whether or 'not you want to be with him.

[woofgang]

umm see... I agree with Andy, but also it sounds like there is more to this. What does your Mum think of your BF? How hurt were you that he didn't do anything for Valentines day? How did your mum know that he hadn't? Did she expect him not to or did she order the flowers after you had told her that he hadn't? and at 14.02, how did you know that he hadn't?

Inexcusable? well on balance,no

A straw in the wind? well maybe

To put this in perspective, I am female, married for 31 years and we don't do special surprises on valentines day...we do however look forward to being together for at least another 31 years!

[Sassea]

What the hell are you doing with a coward... Lose him! If he lied about "that" God only knows what else he's lied about.... You deserve better. Good you found out now... Spend your energy on someone deserving, not on trying to make this relationship work............ Good luck! Keep us posted... and Happy Valentines

[laurence2]

Totally agree with woofgang, Something is not right here, Saying that i bet it is bugging him who the mystery flowers are from.

Are you due to see him tonight ?

Has he lied before ?

On the other hand he could well be a genuine fella thats dug a hole for himself, Let us no what happens tho as intrigued as to the outcome

[joko]

wind him up - tell him your mum has finally 'confessed' to sending them and make a fuss about the terrible flower shop not sending his flowers - demand his receipt and the name of the shop and the phone, number saying you are going to call them and kick up a fuss.

(there is a vague chance this could be what really has happened, but not likely)

this will give him chance to come clean - make him squirm in the process.

[Cymbeline]

Okay. I feel I owe you all the next and final installment of this story. Be warned it involves a large dose of shame on my part. As I was walking home I got a call from the office to say some flowers had arrived for me at 5.15pm. I then got back to my flat to find a card hand delivered (with a first class stamp but no franking). I just felt terrible that he had been rushing around trying to repair the damage so I called him and told him that I loved him...he didn't need to have done all this...blah blah blah to which he responded with a promise that it wasn't a knee jerk reaction to my "mysterious" flowers and he had organised this a week ago. I had to swear I believed him before he could let it go. This morning when I get to work I find the flowers on my desk and the delivery note says "ordered on 13th Feb". So he did kind of lie but his sins aren't half as bad as mine for not believing him and for playing him in the first place. I know I am going to receive some ear ache from you lot now and I thoroughly deserve it. I am a cow. But fear not I will treat him like a God for as long as it takes for the guilt to subside. Can you AB'ers forgive me?

[undercovers]

NO.

Basically you lie and manipulated him � whilst he did what every good man does by panicking the day before and sorting out some nice surprises for you. You are right you are a cow � before you go moaning to your mum next time maybe you should just give the poor guy a chance� though i think he should be giving his flowers and cards to someone else next year.

[laurence2]

Undercovers is correct be it he got you the flowers on the rebound, You manipulated the situation and as for him saying he organised it a week ago, Maybe/Maybe not, But does it matter he ordered them the day BEFORE valentines, You give me the impression that your Take,Take,Take and no GIVE?

I would feel deceived by you in this situation, as if my wife said she had flowers from a mystery person, like most men underneath you would feel jealous etc, and in some cases the attention would now switch to you, ie WHAT ARE YOU UP TO ?

[Trojanfarce]

Of course, you're forgiven. this has been incredibly funny and you should file it under 'Oooooooops!!' 'spect there'll be a radio show near you that you'll be able to confess on, sometime in the future!

[WoWo]

I think it's a 1-1 draw so you should leave it at that.

If he was a clever bloke like me no doubt he would have offered the florist an extra �5 if they stuck yesterdays date on the flowers.

But given you instigated the whole thing by lying about the origin of the flowers I think it's all square.

[joko]

i think its terrible that the florist didn't deliver valentines flowers - on valentine day!! you should complain! i'll bet some couples have split up over less - final straw and all that.

anyway, you are a naughty girl, young lady!!

but at least it shows you that he genuinely thought the flowers were his. his squirming must have been shyness, not guilt, and you couldn't "clearly tell he was lying" - just shows how our assumptions, because of how we expect people to be behaving cannot always be trusted and jumping to conclusions is never a good idea.

i wouldn't how many couple have split up over this kind of thing? what it the florist didn't print the order date on the order - he'd still be in the doghouse no matter what he said

and yes, what did you get him??

just noticed that you kicked up a fuss about this at 3.46pm on VALENTINES DAY!!! You didn't even wait until the end of the day to accuse him of "not bothering with so much as a card" - here's me assuming his flowers must have been late - he had every right to assume that they were his flowers but you had him down as a scoundrel before the day was even half over - shame on you.

get grovelling lady!

[helsbels666]

All this criticism aside, im still intrigued as to why your mum knew (or thought) your boyf hadnt bothered with so much as a card??!!

[Cymbeline]

Hi Helsbels666, I have been too scared to comment in case I get lynched! But the reason my mum knew is that I spoke to him (the boyfriend) the night before V day (or Flowergate as it is now known) and he said "Shall we exchange cards on Saturday?" to which I responded "Saturday 18th Feb? That traditional day? Mine is in the post to you". So, understandably, I thought I wasn't going to even see him let alone get a card and I was a little bit miffed. I didn't know he'd feel guilty and order flowers. Anyway mum and I are close and we talk regularly so she came to the same conclusions I did. Don't mean to bang on about it but you can see how all the signs suggested as much..

[helsbels666]

lol sounds like something my mum would do! Hope all is well now! Its entertained quite a few people anyway! Lol. Its another classic men mars and women jupiter tale isn't it?!