Friends are friends...

[Tock389]

Hello. I started seeing a girl at New Year. It is going really well, however I have one problem - her friends.

They are perfectly nice and kind, but she seems to be with them ALL the time. We've been away for the weekend, and that was great, but I seem to be playing second fiddle to them the rest of the time- I don't want to make her choose between me and them, but all our plans together have to be worked round them- if we see each other once every ten days, that's a lot.

How can I make her understand that I want a bit more attention, without making her compromise her friends?

[WoWo]

Personally mate I reckon you're on a road to nowhere, I went out with a bird for a year and we went out on our own together twice (yep twice in 365 days). Every other time her mate had to tag along.

I think it might be a little too early to be mentioning it, give it 3 months then start to suggest you see more of each other, if she says no or doesn't seem bothered then I'd be honest and just say that isn't the sort of thing your interested in. If she's bothered about it she will let you know.

[smurfchops]

Early days yet Tock389, perhaps she has been hurt in the past and doesn't want to get too involved yet. Give her time, if she really likes you she will come around in time. And don't make her choose between you and your friends, bad move. You haven't known her long, just hold back a bit. Good luck.

[smurfchops]

Sorry, I meant don't ask her to choose between you and Her friends.

[joko]

you don't say how old you, and she, are.

if you are teenagers, then at that age many consider their friends the most important thing in the world. most don't realise that a lot of them are just acquaintances and no-marks and will not be part of their life in the future, but at that age they are important.

I think you should just simply ask her a few times if its ok if it just you two sometimes. she may not realise and think you like her group as much as she does.

[Ethmer]

You've only been seeing her for about a month and a half! She's probably been with her friends for years!

She is used to the comfort and security of her friends and has been for a very long time. It will take her awhile to develop the same amount of trust, confidence and comfort with you.

Don't try to make her choose between you and her friends -- you will lose.

The solution is to simply continue in your relationship with her demonstrating your "value" to her. As time goes by you may well find that you become more important to her than her friends. It's all a matter of patience.

[WendyS]

Am unsure how old you are. If she's still young, then perhaps she's not ready to get serious with you yet, especially on the strength of such a short friendship. Perhaps the strength of feelings in this relationship is unequal, with yours being stronger. Give it another 3 months. By then she should know how seriously she feels about you. If she is genuinely interested in your by that point I think you will start to notice her making the decision herself to spend more time with you and less with her friends. But it will be a gradual transition, and the decision should be hers. Patience is a virtue and if you start to pressurise her, she may well back off completely.

[Miss Zippy]

I think it's great that she hasn't dumped her friends for a new boyfriend like so many girls/women seem to do. This says a lot of good things about her character if she values her friendships. It is very early days and you shouldn't expect to be the centre of her world yet. I'm sure in time she will want to spend more time with you as your relationship develops, but don't push her too much during the early stages.