should i tell him?

[rosieo]

i have been mates with mark and dave since we were kids. dave was living with a girl and they had a baby together. unfortunately they split up when the baby was nine months old. she has been really nasty to dave and has made it really hard for him to see his baby. i have recently found out that she has moved in with mark. they are planning a cosy life together, but dave is completely unaware of this. should i tell dave what i know? i am sick of being stuck in the middle and scared of saying the wrong thing. help!!!!!

[andy-hughes]

What a dreadful position to be put in - I really sympathise!

The perceived wisodom in this situation is to do nothing. Obviously you feel for Dave, what he's been through, and what he will go through when he finds out what is going on. But although you know about it, it is their concern, not yours. The responsibility lies with either Mark, or baby's mum, and one of them should be advising Dave of the new situation.

Yes, Dave will be really upset when he finds out that you knew, but you have to convince him that you are not the person to hear this from, and in time, he wil see that you are right. Your role then is to be supportive of him, while he gets used to the new arrangements.

Meanwhile, have a word with Mark, and tell him to do the right thing by Dave, and tell him the situation. And then be there for Dave - he will need a good friend, and that is obviously what you are.

[rosieo]

thank you for your reply. you have made me feel a whole lot better about the situation. your words of wisdom have really helped.

[andy-hughes]

That's very kind of you to say so - and you are most welcome.

[Englishbird]

I do agree with andy, although my problem has always been that I can't keep my mouth shut, especially when I feel that there is some form of injustice.

If I was in your shoes, my first port of call would be to Mark, tell him that he needs to do the right thing and be fair to Dave and tell him himself.

If he refuses, you have another dilema. You do run the risk of being dragged into it, and you also run the risk of him shooting the messenger, however if Dave is making a fool of himself by not knowing, and if everyone else around him knows, I'd have to bite the bullet and tell him.

I hope it all works out for them, and you. Are 'Dave' and 'Mark' still friends? Maybe if Mark is living with her, and still gets on with Dave, it might be easier for Dave to see his baby? good luck x

[DebDeb]

Mark or the mother of his child should tell him.Although it may be tempting to tell dave will still see the baby so there will always be a connection there.It's not your place and you could end up being the outsider .Dave will survive I am sure