health visitors

[Liza B]

Is it just me or does anyone else think health visitors are so fixed on what the book says ie. how much a baby should weigh at a set age, same with length, feeding, development etc.

My daughter has come back from seeing the health visitor in tears she is only 18 and her 10 month baby has not put on weight for a month, she has had a cold for 3 weeks, but other than that is healthy and crawling all day long, my daughter was made to feel that she is not a good mother. Health visitors seem to think that all babies are the same, it drives me insane.

I have 5 children, 2 sets of twins, the youngest set a boy and girl always got fed the same but the girl seemed to put on weight very slowly, the health visitor spent years giving me a hard time over it,, she was always way under the so called 'line', She is now 13 and a fantastic gymnast, still very skinny, but that is her build, she eats more than any of the others and never puts on any weight.

Sorry to rant on it just seems so unfair to be judged on how much weight a baby puts on, as long as they are healthy and developing at their own pace what does it matter?

[JustSia]

Hi Liza!

I know you desperately want to protect your own daughter and your grandchild, but just a thought, and please excuse me if it is not what you want to hear, but...

Is it at all possible that your daughter overreacted. Considering the baby has been ill for a while she might just be a liitle bit sensetive. And possibly misunderstood or just took it too close to heart what the Health Visitor said. Try and go with her next time and see what happens. You might also ask about some vitamin suppliments considering the baby's low immunity.

The Health Visitors are aware of different metabolisms and rates of development. But say if you went with your daughter next time and aslo explained about your family history, it could help. And your daughter would also have some support and not feel all that pressure just on her.

I might be completely wrong and that Health Visitor was the Satan personified but for some reason I am getting a distinct feeling that your daughter might be under more pressure than you realise, only because similar things happened to my friends. Try not to jump to the conclusions or question your daughter over it, but see if you can perhaps find some clues in her behaviour that might indicate she might need help and just be there for her.

S

[noxlumos]

Health Visitors are either fantastic or absolutely awful. I wouldn't personally have any truck with a bad one and I suggest that you go with your daughter and arrange for her to see another Health Visitor if this one looks like trouble.

The very idea of a Health Visitor should be to foster a good relationship with the parents in order that they may be helpful in the rearing of their child. If she's got an off attitude or doesn't make your daughter feel comfortable then don't entertain seeing her, go elsewhere. You do not have to put up with abuse just because it's from a health care professional.

We always have had great Health Visitors (we have 8 children) excepting one who attempted to make us feel awful because we had started feeding solids too early she said, to a baby who was a very high birth weight and who was screaming with hunger no matter how frequently he was fed.Her horrible attitude upset my wife terribly and ended in an almighty row and we complained and made it clear that we would refuse to see that individual again. We then got a charming , polite lady, full of common sense who showed us far more courtesy and respect and we had a great relationship with her.

Hope you get it sorted out:)

[tigilou]

i agree with noxlumos i had an awful health visitor at first she was drippy and didnt have a clue my one now is great she has given me lots of good advice. I attend a mother and toddler which is run by my health visitor and others so is always there to advise us mums and 9 times out of 10 her answer is there all different which is exactly true my daughter 2 who doesn't eat very much weighs 2 stone yet my best mates boy is 3 and eats anything and everything and is just under 2 stone so tell your daughter not to worry "there all different" and what id like to know is who the hell sat there drawing up these silly guidelines

[Hgrove]

I think you are absolutely right; whilst I did not have specific problems with my health visitors, I always noticed how they do everything "by the book". They do not have the qualifications or experience to use their own judgment. Going by the book is their protection against possible negligence complaints. If anything goes horribly wrong they can say they offered totally "orthodox" advice. I suggest your daughter asks to see another health visitor if at all possible. In fact I stopped going to the health visitor when my daughter was 9 months old.

[Bohne]

I remember my mother saying the same.
My sister would never eat, was too skinny, and the doctor was always going on about it.

Around age 5 or 6 she started putting on weight, and even now in her thirties is quite overweight.

Your daughter should not take it too seriously, as long as there is no other problem with her baby.

[Vikkismum]

I have nothing but high praise for my health visitor !!

My daughter was always under weight according to the book but this was never seen as a problem. Instead my health visitor took my daughter as a whole and could see she was happy & healthy and this was the important issue.

My health visitor also was the first person to pick up on my Post Natal Depression. If it wasnt for her I dont know where I would be today - possibly not even on this planet. I am now OK tho and off my anti-depressants and now feel able to take on the world even managed to leave my husband & get divorced.

I think that if like me you get a good health vistor you are very luck and if you are not happy with the one you have then ask to see another one. Like noxlumos said the relationship withe the parent is just as important if not even more so as the one with the child. If the parent doesnt trust the health visitor then no matter what the health visitor says the parent will not heed the advice.

[dove]

quite agree Liza B, the health visitor said my youngest was very tall and to keep an eye on her height. Hmmmmm, she is still very tall (and healthy) do you think I should start to dig a hole?
Everyone is different including children and mums do know what is best.
Tell your daughter to go with her own instincts.