do i tell my colleagues - update

[Mowbray]

Hello guys,
Just to let you all know that I have told my colleagues that I am gay. I didn't just 'say' it i just started to mention my partners name rather than refering to her as being 'partner'.



The thing is i know they've told others as people are looking at me that little bit differently. You see i am not the stereotypical gay woman. i am very feminine and most guys eye me up. i am not boasting or nothing.



i am proud of what i am but i am not sure whether telling people at work is the right thing.




Below my original question

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Question185 703.html

[Quizmonkey]

You have done the rght thing - no two ways about it! In a month or two's time, when the novelty's worn off with everyone, you'll look back and wonder why you ever doubted it.

[gessoo]

Sorry, I can't access your original post.

Of course it's right that they know. Why should you have to keep your partner a secret? Initially you will get some looks because that's natural. When we hear something about someone that we didn't realise we do tend to look at them - it's very natural. What's betting that after a few short days everybody will just get back to normal, and won't even think of it anymore.

I have a gay friend who burst into tears one day and told me, thinking I wouldn't want her friendship any more. I was a bit taken aback at first because like you she is very feminine and also has a soft feminine personality. I just hadn't considered her sexuality - it wasn't important. After the initial reaction I haven't even thought about it again and we are still great friends.

People's sexuality shouldn't matter a jot.

[Drusilla1S]

Hi Mowbray. I know how you feel. When my marriage ended and I let my family know I was lesbian, I remember the cliched phrase, 'But you don't look like a lesbian, you're so feminine!'

My work situation is slightly different in that I run my own business and never discuss my sexual orientation with clients or staff, but that is part of my 'separation of home/work ethic' and not one I would insist was correct. It merely works for me and it's what I feel comfortable with.

As long as you are comfortable with sharing your information, that's fine, but you may have to accept some people would rather not have known and may feel uncomfortable around you.

[Bohne]

I agree with Quizmonkey.

Can't be easy always being careful not to say the wrong thing.
Better make life easy for yourself and ignore any funny looks.

Good luck!

[Mowbray]

Hello Drusilla1S,

Thanks for your advice. thing is i am not sure whether i am comfortable about people at work knowing.

Like you people shocked at the fact i am a lesbian as i look and act feminine. I think if more lesbian women would come out then the stereotypical image of a gay women would then disappear.

Thanks to all that replies to my message.x

[shazbang]

Hi Mowbray, I was in the same position as yourself. I started a new job last July and told the office manager about 2 weeks after I started. Naturally, she told everyone else but this was what I wanted, I didn't want to have to explain anything to anyone. Everyone in my work has been brilliant, often asking how my girlfriend is and she's even came along to office parties. Also, like yourself am quite attractive and very very feminine, always getting chatted up by men and like Drusilla, always get the same response 'but you dont look like a lesbian'. I always respond with 'why, what is a lesbian supposed to look like?', 9 times out of 10 they hang theire head in shame. Never worry what your colleagues think of you, if they're that narrow minded, do you really want to associate yourself with them? Hold your head high and be proud of who you are. I think you're right, we should get more women to come 'out' and maybe in a few years time the stereotype will start to disappear. :-)

[Ethel]

Mowbray - your sex life and orientation is nobody's business but your own.

However, in normal working and friendly relationships it is normal to mention family and partners now and again in every day conversation.

You've done the right thing in telling, a brave thing, and I wish you well.

[smudge]

This is Mowbray's post.

Can't add much more to the above posts, except I'm sure all will work out fine for you. Good luck.

[electricblue]

Everyone is entitled to live their life how they want,whether you're gay,straight or even pink with blue spots,I dont think it will make any difference to anyone if they're a true friend,you shouldn't have to hide it away like some dark secret if you dont want,its your life and you should live it proudly!

[Mowbray]

Thanks for you all for your valued comments and experiences!