Contacting husband's bit on the side

[portocat]

Hello, I had a post on here yesteday about not being able to trust my husband anymore due to his continued contact with other women, which he then tries to hide from me and lies about. I have given him an ultimatum, to chose between me and our baby (due in 3 months) or these other women. To everyone who replied yesterday thank you for your replies, they were really helpful.

My question now is should I phone up one of these women to see if I can find out what has been going on - since my husband insists on lying to me. I have one of the women's numbers and she is one that he slept with before we even met - over 3 yrs ago. I figured I have nothing to lose now anyway, since our marriage is well and truly on the rocks anyway since I have had all I can take. I would just like to see if she will tell me anything, i know she might not, and also I would like to let these women know that he has a wife. Since I imagine he has probably lied about this to them as well as lying to me.

[teag1rl]

I really feel for you portocat, well done for confronting him. Because you have her number, wondering about calling her will niggle you if you don't. Maybe see what hubby comes up with, if he decides he wants to be a decent human being and stop this messing around to treat you as you deserve to be treated maybe you can speak to her then to get it in open. on the other hand if he chooses the slimy git option and to be a loser all his life, and you haven't used her number to call her previously you could have a bit of fun ordering her taxis and pizzas at stupid o clock in the morning. childish, and I don't know about legalities, but it's quite amusing. Of course I'm sure you'll get some proper grown up answers, but I hope I made you smile.

[mickey pratt]

i think you should phone to put your mind at rest he might be innocent of any wrong doings .you should not have to put up with all this being pregnant you need a clear head good luck portocat

[peterd]

Do you know if any of these women are married or have partners? I would be tempted to phone but I'm sure you will get cut off pretty quickly. Best advice is probably coming from other women ? Hope you get some good advice, you deserve it by the sounds of things. I know the married bit shouldn't matter, but a lot of people could get dragged into this. Not your problem I know I'm just curious.

[Richie1976]

Portocat, I'm not sure you should try contacting her. Especially in your condition, the last thing you need now is any add more stress and emotion to a situation that clearly has too much of both already.

I feel you have done the right thing in giving him an ultimatum, best to see what he does - the balls in his court now. Maybe keep the number somewhere safe for later use, if needed - after you have give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby.

Good luck, Portocat

[portocat]

peterd - I don't know about them being married, but he had been phoning this one that I am thinking about phoning in the early hrs of a sat morning, which suggests no husband?. or maybe he was away that weekend - who knows. If a couple more people say do it I think I will. I am feeling fairly reckless now after a couple of days of feeling we are on our last legs - this is followed by a yr of doubt. I reckon I may as well try calling, unless anyone comes up with good reasons not to...

[theren_911]

Well you can get to his phone pretty easily by the sounds of it, you could text them.

[Englishbird]

I'd phone, but can you have a friend with you when you do. You have to put yourself and your baby first, are you really prepared to hear what she might say.

I did it, the first time I split up with my ex (yes, I went back for more - never do that, it sucks the life right out of you) I rang who I thought he'd slept with, who I also knew, and just very calmly said "so how long have you been f*cking my boyfriend"

Most women will tell you if something has or hasn't been going on. They've nothing to lose. Try not to have a go at her though, she may not know he's married, even if she does, she's not betraying your trust, he is.

Have a contingency plan, if she confirms your worst fears, what are you going to do? Play it clever, if she confirms something, you can use it to catch him out lying.

So, in short, yes phone, but think about it first. x good luck, I really feel for you. Your husband, madam, is a ****.

[Englishbird]

Another thing, she's more likely to tell you stuff if you're nice to her, even if you don't feel like it. Just explain that you're not having a go at her, but you're 6 months pregnant and you're at the end of your tether, and if she could just find it in her heart to tell you the truth, it would stop you thinking you're going mad. If you start being nasty to her, she'll just put the phone down.

Also be prepared for her to ring your husband straight away afterwards.

[portocat]

Englishbird I like your style with ending comment, very apt!

Yes I was planning to be very polite and say I have no problem with her, the issue is with my husband. I was hoping if she does confirm the worst then I can use it to confirm he is a liar for once and for all.

Then I will run away and join the circus.

[portocat]

I meant the comment in your first post by the way.

Re her phoning him up straight away, I think I have that covered as I am planning to lead her to believe that I have his phone - which is how I have her number and know that he has been phoning her. So hopefully she will be too scared to phone straight away as she will think I will see that she is phoning. that's my plan anyway

[mls130]

yes you should do not let any man take you for a fool. look after yourself and child. trust me you 'll meet someone else who is worthy of your heart!

[Stuart1948]

What are you messing about for. Leave him.

[spacechimp]

Maybe she loves him and wants a father for her baby...?

[Drusilla1S]

Personally, I wouldn't advise phoning and upsetting yourself further.

However, if you are determined to endure a showdown, make it worthwhile and tell her your gynaecologist has just told you that your husband has passed on a really nasty sexually transmitted disease to you and she should get tested as he is sleeping with a number of women, whilst infected.

Such behaviour could cause untold stress and problems with your husband, but God she'll worry for the next few weeks/months if you are a convincing liar.

[spacechimp]

Drusilla, you are a truly evil person.

[spacechimp]

I mean that in the best possible sense.

[rachela500]

Have you phoned yet?

If you do, just say this "sorry to bother you but i've found your number on my husbands phone and I don't want to have a go at you but I would like to know if something has happened between you". See if she talks and let her know you are pregnant.

[tigilou]

If it was me in this situation i would ring her and the others

[jno]

I'd say don't. It'll be stress and aggravation and in the end you won't know whether to believe them or not. They'll certainly be on the defensive and may well just tell the first lie that comes into their heads. (That's what most people would do.) I imagine you feel angry and miserable now; chances are you'll feel worse afterwards.

[holden]

I feel for jou, but what are you gaining by ringing these women, nothing but trouble and more pain for yourself.Good on you for getting ridd of your Husband he is no good. look after your self and your Baby and start a new Life, hopefully with somebody better next time.