Boyfriend is unsure what he wants cuz he feels guilty..about fantasies!

[clarra-belle]

Have been together with my bf for 2 years now, im 21 hes 22. Have lived together for a yr an a half now. have had our fair share of ups and downs like any couple but everything has always been great...but recently hes brought up this issue that he keep fantasising about other girls..which, fair enough i dont want to hear about..but its natural! ...yet he feels guilty about it an thinks that means he doesn wana be wi me and so thinks he should go an mess around with other ppl and leave me to relieve the guilt. I love him so much and i just dont know wot to do. I almost feel like he is creating a problem as an excuse..but at the same time he does seem genuinly bothered bout it. Iv told him fantasies are natural...they only become a problem when u act on them when ur in a relationship. Iv tried everythin to help him...even tried listening to his fantasies which was awful! but i thought if he spoke about it hed feel less guilty. Please give me some advice on how to help him and on how to deal with this cuz iv almost given up trying..nothing seems to work...am i just fighting a lost battle?

[Polotoo]

Hi clarra-belle,

Poor you, sorry I haven't really got any advice. But I'm sure if you pop this answer into the 'Body and Soul' section someone will help you. They are great over there and gave me some really good advice recently.

xx

[Polotoo]

Sorry, what a typo - my minds elsewhere - I meant pop your question into body and soul not answer!

Durrr!

[fo3nix]

Does he realise that fantasies and things are normal? Nothing wrong with them at all.

Or, does he want to end it for some other totally different reason, and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying the true reason, so is telling you this so that it's sort of his fault? (It is something guys do).

I think you two just need to have a good talk, and both express your true feelings, and see if you can sort anything.

Oh, and are the fantasies etc. just about celebrities, or mainly about say his work collegues?

[lady_p_gold]

I am sorry to say that I think there is another agenda here ... most blokes do not make a point of talking about their fantasies even though everyone knows they have them ... and as for suggesting he leaves you to 'act them out' and relieve the guilt well that is plain daft, if everyone did that nobody would ever be together ! I think he is looking for an excuse to end the relationship as you suspect, so I think it would be best to just let him go if he wants to ........ you are a very understanding person to have responded in the way you have and although it is upsetting and sad, it is better to start again, or maybe let him go and then realise what he has lost ...... either way this can't be any fun for you now. Hope I am wrong but that is my gut feeling.

[malibu-sioux]

I agree with lady-p-gold,don't give him the satisfaction of messing u about,u deserve better!

[funkymoped]

a fantasy is only fun if BOTH people want to share in them.. dont let this guy draw you into a place you dont want to be... feeling upset and unsure.

in a relationship, its all or nothing for me.

either he wants you or he doesnt. sorry to be so blunt, but thats the way it is for ME.

[Dreaming]

You can do better Clarra-belle. Let him live his fantasies. How would he feel if you said you have been fantasing about other men. And then went and told him your fantasies?

Let him go. He will then know what he is missing.

[JudgeJ]

How does what work?