Do you apologise when you're not in the wrong?

[kazzianne]

My guy and I had a bad row on the fone lastnight(he has been away on business).Its a long story but to do with work which I knew would backfire and it did,with me getting the blame from a big client even though he did all the work.I told him this was unfair,he swore and ranted,hung up on me and left me in tears.He is now due home tonight and I really hate atmospheres and I have really missed him,so should I just say sorry for over-reacting(which I dont think I did) just for a quiet eve and let bygones be bygones,or should I stand my ground and tell him how unfair the whole thing was,and probably have another row??x

[4getmenot]

If you want it sorted and cant be bothered to argue anymore more then dont. Just carry on as if nothing happened. That'll confuse him :-) Dont wait for him to apologise thats a very rare thing. :-)

[gill3891]

I agree 4getmenot! If he's anything like my boyfriend, he's not going to be able to see anything he's done wrong. If you honestly feel like you aint done anything wrong, my guess is, neither will he! Just leave it and act normal when he comes home tonight, he wont have a clue or will probably have already forgotten about it! It's a shame we can't understand men, it would save so many arguements and misunderstandings!

[4getmenot]

You should only confront this situations if they happen too often coz otherwise they get away with it time and time again.

[andy-hughes]

I must be the exception here - I will always apologise if I'm on thw wrong. i have always said sorry to my children from the ages when they understood what 'sorry' means - it's a matter of respect for other people, and if you want to raise your children to understand respect, then demonstration is always a good way to do it.

Likewise with the adult members of my family, I have no problem saying sorry if I'm in the wrong, and I will even apologise if i'm not, if it keeps the peace, and someone thinks i am wrong and they are not.

Let's be honest, it doesn;t take ten years off your life to apologise. If the other person is wrong, then you are the bigger person, and although they may never say so, they know that too.

[Champagne]

Gill & 4getmenot do have a point. Men have a tendency to casually �forget� the incident and act like nothing has happened, so why can�t we? If he is the sort of guy who can sulk for days or rarely admits to being wrong then you�re pretty much fighting a losing battle. Don�t waste your energy if he�s childish during arguments. It�ll only exacerbate things.

[Champagne]

Oh, and in answer to your initial question kazzi; yes, I do often apologise when I�m not in the wrong, but not if it is something that goes against my principles or directly attacks my integrity.

[OBonio]

I apologise all the time just to keep the peace. Even if I'm in the right. I hate bad vibes and they certainly do our daughter no good. So, let by gones be by gones and move on. It's easy for me saying that as I calm down quickly after a row. Mrs OBonio can stewsfor a while afterward.

[kazzianne]

Think I better elaborate.He owns his own business but has a client who takes up too much time,constantly ringing etc. To get him off his bak he told this guy that he was passing him over to me and my "team" which dont exist.I sed that wouldnt workas he would keep ringing me for updates which I didnt know.He sed 2 just say my "team" were handling it and then let him know the prob and he would sort it.Well it got out of hand as I knew it would - his client kept asking the names of my team members which I couldnt bloody give as they didnt exist etc etc, saying problems werent being resolved.Then he rang my partner to say how incompetent I was and cancelled the contract!! And my partner told him he would speak to me and correct the problems!!(this client doesnt realise we are a couple)

I rang my guy upset lastnight- he is away till 2nite and he ranted and raved and you know the rest.xx

[rhona_j]

Just see how things are when he gets home, you might find after a wee while to think he'll realise he's been wrong himself (well sometimes it happens!). And yeah, it is usually me that ends up saying sorry, even when I know in my heart it wasn't my fault, like OBonio, I hate a bad atmosphere, and couldn't go to sleep on an arguement. It usually makes my husband realise that he was partly to blame too. Hope things go well.

[peterd]

Well it sounds like he dropped you in it which he shouldn't really have done. If I was in his position I would say sorry (& I'm a stubborn git). If I was in your position I would wait for the apology. All depends how patient & easygoing you are I suppose.

[kazzianne]

Well Im gona have to say something either way if this client stays as it will be me having to deal with him again.He doesn't say sorry - he just doesnt mention things again .Have just this sec had a txt - he will be home bout 8pm.I dont think he can honestly see what an impossible position he put me in.

[4getmenot]

Ok well let us know what went on. But I can see a big argument happening and only making things worse. But maybe he should know that he was wrong to do what he did

[kazzianne]

What about if I dont mention anything unless he asks me to deal with this client again?

[4getmenot]

Yer that sounds a better idea. That way no upset is caused for nothing. :-) Coz as you said it will probably cause another rwo. When I get in a tizzy with my bloke he just ignores me. Which is really frustrating at the time but then after I know he's done it so we dont feel bad later.

[Champagne]

That�s totally unfair, kazzi. Talk about being thrown in the deep end!

My advice to you now would be to completely forget it. Take it on the chin as a hard lesson learned and move on, apologise if you feel it necessary, never mention the situation again and never EVER help him in that respect again. It will completely baffle him that you won�t mention it and he will know precisely what the issue is. Don�t sulk with him or show any inclination that you are upset.

In reality, you knew that this wasn�t going to work so next time you�ll know to follow your instincts. Us women have them for a reason! x

[Lonnie]

Like one or two who have already posted, I apologise if i'm wrong, I apologise when i'm right, but this is to my wife, most other people, if i'm right, I won't apologise, the onlt exceptions, and very rarely, is if a woman brings on the tears,

[kazzianne]

he has arrrived home early so i will keep u all posted later!x

[whiskeysheri]

Make sure you're back for the party kazzi x