Would you tell your partner they were overweight?

[kazzianne]

I knw I need to lose a little bit,but my boyfriend has put on loads and loads of weight in the last year,and good looking as he is,he now can barely fit into any of his clothes.Even a client rang up,didnt realise I was his partner and said to me how fat he looked.I was so cross.

So my question is,do I say anything,which will probably come out all wrong,or do I wait for him to do something about it in his own time.

I cook very healthy meals every night,he just then goes and eats again afterwards.!!

Oh,and I dont want him to lose weight to look better for me,He just doesnt look very healthy anymore.

[maximo]

Mmmm delicate subject isn't it ! Could you maybe try to make dinner a bit later in the evening, so that he does not get hungry later and eat more ? If he's hungry early in the evening, maybe you could introduce what we french peeps call "aperitif", which is when you have a glass of something to drink and a few nimbles before dinner...you could make some healthy veggie snacks to eat with a glass of wine, like carrot sticks and houmous...

Dunno really, just trying to think of ways to make him eat less without him noticing ! lol It's a touchy subject, and if you mention it, it could very well backfire ! lol Oooooooooopsssssssss...

[unruliejulie]

Hmmmm difficult one. How sensitive is he? I need to lose weight, which i know perfectly well (doing it is another matter) but my husband still says i'm not overweight. I would prefer him to say something to me sometimes because you can get very complaicent(?sp) about it. When i have dieted in the past, he then says, yes, i had put a bit of weight on!!!!! Men! I would say something to him but do it in a sensitive way, or maybe a jokey way just to make him think about it a little bit. Do you think maybe your healthy meals just aren't satisfying his hunger enough? He is probably fully aware of his weight gain but just needs a little push to do anything about it. Its generally known as burying our heads in the sand!

[alijangra]

If you have a genuine concern for his health then I would tactfully point out that maybe a healthier diet/ moderate exercise might help.

To put on alot of weight in a relatively short space of time must have a reason? Does he have a stressful job? Its not just us girls that comfort eat, Im sure guys do it too. Is he depressed? Any history of thyroid disease in the family?

My partner is a little podgy and I often encourage him to exercise with me, to no avail. He just loves his food (as I do!) but then wants to sit and play his guitar or watch tv. Im not sure he will ever change!!!

[Kay]

Hi kazzianne, If your boyfriend's clothes are too tight on him then he knows he's overweight. Why dont you gently tell him you're concerned about him gaining weight and suggest he joins a gym plus eat a healthy diet. Slimming World have classes for men. If not buy a calorie counter book and put him on 1,500 cals daily.Thats the amount needed for a male.

[smudge]

This is an awkward one - It's like anything else in life - if you tell people to cut down on eating, drinking or smoking, they'll see that as nagging & probably defy you & want to do it even more!

P'raps you could just casually mention that you're worried about his health & yours too, then suggest the possibility of you both losing weight together.

Easier said than done, but good luck anyway Kaz.

[kazzianne]

Hi guys - I know why i think - he has a very stressful job,but the main prob is his ex is causing huge financial problems(long story) so his way to unwind in eve is open a bottle of wine,then another.... We dont eat till 7.30 -8pm as it is,so I cant do it much later,and I cant control what he eats at work,I offered to make a packed lunch but he said no! He is generally very happy,even tho under pressure,and even though i need to lose a bit I am still in proportion luckily - he thinks im perfect,the wally!!Bless. But he has put it all on his stomach and face - he doesnt have a neck at all now! I feel such a cow even mentioning it but im scared he's going to have a heart attack.xx

[smudge]

There wasn't any posts when I started typing, then the phone rang - hope I haven't duplicated anyone else's.

[smudge]

Don't worry Kaz - you're not being a 'cow', you are just genuinely worried about him & there's nought wrong with that.

Besides, we don't know each other & we are here to share your problems with, so chin up & I'm sure all will work out fine for you both. -x-

[kazzianne]

Smudge - no you havent.He knows im doing the Slimming World as best as I can.He is eating exactly what I cook ,but then an hour later he goes and has toast,crisps etc and I feel like if I say anything then Im treating him like a child - he's 34!! And he says he has a healthy lunch at work but I keep finding pastie wrappers etc in his car!

[milly143]

perhaps you could say that you were thinking of taking up jogging and or wanted to lose a few pounds yourself (not saying you need to) for the summer and suggest it might be fun if you did it together. It's amazing what effect doing some exercise and dieting has on people close around you.

[ronnie3]

why dont you suggest to him that you both go on a fitness plan together a joint thing that you can do as a couple

[smudge]

Thanks Kaz - I'm glad I didn't ditto anyone else!

I wish you luck.

[kazzianne]

God isnt it awkward!! I dont want him to think that I dont fancy him anymore coz I do!!

[Ward-Minter]

Tell him. Unless he has a mediacl condition losing weight is easy. Simply eat less than you burn off OR burn off more than you eat (combination of both best).

Tell him he looks porky. If you don't who will without hurting his feelings?

[kazzianne]

Hi WM - No,he is perfectly healthy as far as I know! So out of interest,from a mans point of view,if someone told you that you were porky would you take it as an insult?Or thank them for their honesty?

[Ward-Minter]

very hard to say as I still have a good body (though i have put on 2 stone since leaving the Army!!!).

However, say bad breath for example. i would be a little pained if a shop steward told me but would expect my g/f/wife to tell me. It's their duty.

[caz21]

I think telling someone they look 'Porky' is going to insult the best of people, its something that needs to be said tactfully, but it does need to be said and he should see you are saying it out of love for him, eating crisps and toast an hour after meals seems to me he is only eating for the sake of it, surely he cant be that hungry so soon after eating? although once you get in to the habit of doing it it gets hard to break. maybe go for a walk to burn some calories after your meal although that is easier said than done after a hard day at work when you just want to relax, just something that may break the habit though?

[lia*]

yes i would tell him. i would tell him that for his height he is a bit on the heavy side which is also bad for his health.
offer to help him by joining him in trying to loose the weight. you said you could loose a couple yourself.
he is not a kid and he knows being overweight is unhealthy.

[Gnisy]

In response to your answer, yes. And quickly. It is easier to lose weight when you just gained it compared to when you've had it for ages. It's more of a psychological thing really, I've looked like this for two years, no one's said anything so I don't think it's a big deal... that kinda thing. So the earlier the better. and you dont have to be subtle, he's your boyfriend! He'd love you no matter what. Cheers!

[kazzianne]

Gnisy - thats the other prob - he was overweight in the first place,but just about got away with it as he was stocky,but he was def at least 2-3 overweight.Now he is about 5 stones overweight!