men getting over relationships

[Aliceband]

Men seem to get over relationships so much quicker than women. And want to move on to find someone else straight away.

Is it because they are totally heartless I wonder?

[peterd]

I disagree I've known a bloke have a nervous breakdown over his wife leaving him.

[Aliceband]

Sorry to read that peterd.

[redcrx]

I disagree as well. Ive seen men fall apart after a relationship breakdown. Some do seem to move on quicker than others, maybe thats how they cope, but its certainly not the way they all are.

[Maggie-Mae]

well obviously I dont want to generalise - but in my own personal experience its taken me a lot longer to get over a breakup and move on than it has my ex's. I have had two long term relationships of 10 years and 6 years and particularly following the break up of my last relationship which has taken me up until recently to come to terms with (2 yrs), my ex has been with his new girlfriend for sometime now whereas I have only just adjusted to the concept of dating again. But to be honest I know both males and females who have moved on quite quickly, it has a lot to do with the type of person someone is. I think some people find it hard to be on their own and also others feel like they only establish their identity when they are within a couple. If you are referring to your own personal circumstances then dont take it as a reflection on you if you feel your ex has moved on to quickly, it doesnt mean your ex didnt love you enough, it says more about them than it does about you x

[Aliceband]

Thank you Maggie for your reply. Yes I was sort of referring to myself (well spotted) and yes I do think maybe he couldnt of loved me much, to move on so quickly.

Apart from my marriage, this was the longest I had been with anyone. (4 years) and I dont think I ever want to date again! To let yourself get hurt again. Its not worth it.

I wish you lots of luck on dating again. Hope you meet someone really lovely xx

[kazzianne]

I think men in general(but not all men) can handle feeling a bit better.I know if I split up with my boyfriend I would go to pieces,but he

[kazzianne]

is stronger in controlling his feelings and he would handle it much better than me.x

[Aliceband]

Men huh!

Hey Kazzianne, get us a glas of wine huh! :)

[kazzianne]

will white do?

[Maggie-Mae]

Thanks Aliceband - I know that right now you feel like you will never want to date again but there will come a time when it will feel right again for you. As I said, it taken me a long time and even now Im very cautious. There is no set timescale for people to get over breakups and therefore there will always be people who see their ex's moving on before them and feel hurt by that. It hurt me when my I found out my ex had a new girlfriend but now I realise that we're just different people and whats right for him isnt necessarily right for me and I have to listen to me heart and follow my instincts and I will know when it is right and so will you. All the best and good luck, and dont let this get you down, you sould like a lovely person and lovely things happen lovely people, just wait and see xx

[Aliceband]

Will do nicely thanks.

Thanks for your above answer Kazzianne. I dont think my ex even has any feelings. But there you go.

Ohhh, make that a large one!

[Aliceband]

Thank you again Maggie. I feel sort of angry, hurt, most of the time boarderline tearful. And inside I should just think, well, the heartless s** moved on quick enough.

I did post a question asking about internet dating (last night on here) but think I did that, so I could do something to take my mind off my failed relationship. Not to go and meet anyone.

I think I am a nice person Maggie, Still think its his loss. But I would think that wouldnt I. Have welled up now :( Will go and make myself a coffee.

Thanks Maggie, you sound lovely. Hope to bump into you again on AB xx

[kazzianne]

Awwww Alice - have you split up long ago??

[Aliceband]

OK now, had my coffee and ciggi... Kazzianne, we broke up fairly recently. Then we stupidly got back together one night. Its definately over now. He now goes out clubbing and i think its where he met his new girlfriend. I will be OK.

[unruliejulie]

I find men cope less well with the break up than women seem to. It depends on who instigated the split, for what reasons etc though... I find more often that women will be the ones to make the decision to quit a relationship if its not working whereas men more tend to just put up with it. This is only my opinion based on my own personal experiences, im not generalizing about the sexes in particular. I have seen this scenario much more often, but when there's kids, its easier for women because they (usually) get to keep them whereas blokes will ultimately see them much less. Maybe this is one of the main contributing factors as to why men find it difficult to let go. Perhaps, in a more casual relationship, men can move on easier, all depends.

[Octavius]

It depends on the relationship they are in and the individual personality and the circumstances, but I thinkn you are being slightly biased.

When my 11 year relationship ended I was devastated and couldn't sleep, eat or work properly for weeks stretching to months, even though I knew the relationship was ending a few months before the split. My ex-partner was able to move on alot quicker than I was and had a new fella within a week or so (which probably made me feel even worse!). It took ages for me to get back out there.

[SizzleSquid]

at this moment im flippin fed up to my neck with the lot of them. I am so upset, dont know if any of u guys posted on my recent entry. I just want to go away somwhere and never come back. I wish my life wasn't complicated, i am so depressed over guys and their lies about me and themselves and i just want to be happy and free from worry. I cant take it anymore and i hate the situation i am in. This dumb guy is saying that i slept with someone else when i didn't and it was even b4 i met him so why does it matter i dont know.

I want to move away from it all. Yes, men do flippin move on quicker when they dont really have that much feelings for the girl, but when they are hit hard they are hit hard. Why feel sorry 4 them more than for girls. I had enuff of it all.

[Aliceband]

Octavius, I am sorry.

I have just read your reply and feel yes I am being slightly! biased. My experience, is not everyone elses. And not all men are as heartless as my ex. I was angry this morning and just typed without thinking. But am glad in a way I was angry. As its got it out of my system. But didnt mean to cause offence to anyone here.

Sizzlesquid, you sound even more fed up than I was earlier. Dont let it get you down. Things will get better xx

[Rubyrose]

I think most men can't stand the thought of being alone so men tend to 'rebound' far more than women. Also.. most men go from being looked after by their mums to moving in with a girlfriend and then getting married so they never really have to take care of themselves.. (Most of them anyway). They aren't as indepenent as us ladies can be. Also a high percentage of men don't leave a failing relationship unless they have something to leave for. If a man has a roof over his head, dinner on the table, regular sex and isn't being nagged at 24/7 then he will stay in a loveless relationship and settle because its more effort than to leave. However if someone else comes along who can offer him all that and more then he is out the door.. unless he can get away with having both.

Take it as a compliment that you made such an impression on him and looked after him so well that he had to run out and find a replacement... won't be as good but he can but try! Lol

[Aliceband]

Thanks Rubyrose. We didnt live together. Had a pretty good relationship (so I thought!) but obviously not! We did bicker a lot, over the same issues, and those issues he will still have whoever he meets (finanical and family troubles)

I personally think he is having a mid life crisis. Wants to go clubbing again (at 44) and picking up women half his age. Good luck to him huh!