Self pity

[milly143]

This maybe be a very selfish, niave attitude but I'm really sick of hearing people banging on about how hard their upbringing was and how that has affected their adult life and use that as an excuse for being socially in-ept. I know very few people who had an easy upbringing including myself and my 6 brothers and sisters, yet we manage to get on with life in a 'normal' way. I know some people have had incredibly hard times through their lives but do you think some people thrive on self pity?

[B00]

Are you talking about some folks on here?

[milly143]

oh, no!!! Sorry if I gave that impression. Just in general really.

[Pippa68]

Yes, there are some people who thrive on it (I know of a few!).

And yes, there are many people out there who have had tough upbringings & tough lives to follow. I wouldn't have considered my upbringing to have been wonderful, but there are others who have had it much worse.

I have my demons, lots of things requiring 'closure' and sometimes I have to really pull myself out of depression which creeps in every now & then. Luckily I try & keep it to myself as much as possible as I am not keen on attention..

Must be something to do with the lack of it when I was a kiddie *cue violins* LOL.

[B00]

Oh righty, I see :-)

I usually start talking about when I was a kid when they start....

"you had a house? you were lucky, we had to make do with a cardboard box in an alleyway...." etc

[Loosehead]

you ad a cardboard box... Luxury....

[Pippa68]

Oh here we go ;o)

[Maggie-Mae]

Whether it is self pity or not, I dont know but I do believe someones upbringing does affect their lives as adults. I am very conscious as a parent how my actions affect my children ( I have three children from two failed relationships) and try to balance out any ill effects this may have or has had on my children by trying to be as loving and caring as I can as well as being honest with them. Obviously some people have had awful upbringings and have been at the receiving end of abuse and neglect, I think a person would have to be "super human" to not carry the effects of that on into adult life. Some people may be able to deal with it better than others, but I do agree as an adults, everyone has the power to help themselves a bit and can seek counselling or help if they feel their childhood has left terrible scars x

[B00]

Lol @ Loosehead ;-)

[sense4all]

They had a box - that were sheer luxury! (python fans will understand )

[Pippa68]

Try telling this to the youngsters of today ~ they wouldn't believe you!

[B00]

Sense...why I started it, sorry milly!

[milly143]

ha ha, no problem B00! Clearly you lot are normal too. I use normal in the losest sense of the word. (just kidding).

On a serious note, I do agree that things in your childhood so affect your adult life but most people can just put it down as experience and carry on with life.

[caz21]

I personally think that what your saying does sound a bit patronising and unfair! If something in someones past has affected their lives and they "bang" on about it then they are probably very traumatised and usually rightly so! surely they should be treated with respect and they probably need help rather than being looked down on as self pitying fools who should just get on with it like the rest of us! if we were all the same and could all cope perfectly with our demons there wouldn't be as many suicides or a need for many mental health departments in hospitals etc!

I too had a pretty traumatic childhood and i am also one who chooses to leave that in the past for the most part and dont bang on about it, but i feel that if i wanted to bang on about it there would be people who look down on me and make me feel bad for mentioning it!

I think there are more things to get sick over than other peoples troubles!

[qapmoc]

Eee... lad you want to try and find a copy of the old Monty Python sketch called ''four yorkshireman'' you would really like it.

Example - You lived in a shed!!, you were lucky we lived in an old cardboard box int middle o the road.

[Octavius]

Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a shoebox! You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, our Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!

milly143, we have a friend in our group who constantly aggravates us all in turn, I have lost my patience after 7 years but our other friends are constantly saying how poorly she is, and what a tough life she had when she was a child. In reality, it wasn't that tough - you hear worse stories every day where I work as a volunteer, but she still uses this to explain every outburst and argument and we were expected to accept it. Needless to say she gets on my wick and I have little or nothing to do with her. Sorry, but enough is enough.

[milly143]

Sorry. :o(

[milly143]

that sorry was aimed at Caz21 by the way. I tend not to be very tactful in my questions.

[qapmoc]

Octavius, did you have that quote saved as a notepad file just waiting for a chance to post it one day?? I got to give you 91/2 out of ten for the speed of response.

[Pippa68]

Don't worry milly ~ I didn't find your post tactless..but then again it's down to how an individual sees it, I guess?

[Octavius]

Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, (pause for laughter), eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."

And I only get 9 and half out of 10 ?
Monty Python is my forte - I couldn't resit.