please help

[crisgal]

i suffer from depression and in my very low moods, i worry very much about the future and not being around for my three children when they grow up. (as I know all parents do)

When i feel like this, I want to write them letters, telling them how much they mean to me etc. but then I worry that I'm tempting fate and something WILL happen to me.

My question is; do you think it will make me feel better once i've done it and put the letters away, or is it a bad thing and I'll worry more? I also worry that they might make my children really sad whenever they do read them, as obviously, i'm not feeling my best to think of it in the first place!

I hope i'm making sense and that you give me your thoughts on my dilemma. xx

[Redbel]

crisgal, so sorry to hear you are feeling low. I also have episodes like that. Rather than letters, why don't you start a diary, put all your up days and down days in there.

You will be fine mate, depression is the most horrible thing to go through and you feel no one understands how you are feeling..... Hey crisgal, you have lots of mates on here..... :).....chin up mate......xx

[miss_me]

personally i find it heolpful to write stuff down - it makes wsense of things your feeling and can seem to help you clear you mind. You dont have to give the letters to anyone hust write until all your feelings are out. I find it helpful personally. xxx

[southerngirl]

Oh Crisgal, I know something of what you are going through. When you are depressed nothing makes much sense and every snall thing is overwhelming. If you feel like you want to write stuff down then do it and if it makes you feel better that's great. If it works then don't keep the letters for long, just get rid of them and if you have the same feelings in the future you can re-write them. If it doesn't work, then get rid of the letters straight away as you will only worry yourself more.

You may want to speak to someone, if you are already doing so, for your depression it really does help it's just a talk thing and the physcologist will not give you answers to your problems but for some reason they really do make you feel better and you don't always know why. The main thing which I came away with from my sessions was to do stuff just for me and not for anyone else. This will increase your sense of self worth and will take your mind off the future. Something you really have to concentrate on. I took up calligraphy and drawing and had no time to dwell on my thoughts. It may not suit everyone but it certainly worked for me.

Good luck to you and hope the light returns to your life very soon

[Nummy]

Writing your thoughts is a good idea...and may help you with how you feel.

You could write a letter, put it away for a few days, then when you're having a good day re-read the letter...then make the decision to put it away or burn it.

Or as Bez suggests, start keeping a diary...even if you just write in it once in a blue moon, the fact you have an outlet for your thoughts may help.

Hope you start to feel better soon. :o)

[crisgal]

i went to make a brew, and when i came back you had all replied! And so late too!

Thank you all so much, for your caring words, they have truly helped.

i think the diary is a great idea. I don't know why i hadn't thought of it before. that way, i can say what i feel, but it's not for anyone in particular.

I'm sure it will help and i'm going to treat myself to a lovely new pen and writing book tomorrow. After all - shopping always helps!! xxx

[hammerman]

I'm very close to my 7 year old daughter and i think exactly the same.......i want to write her a letter in case i die suddenly telling her that every time she sees a nice sunrise or sunset, remember it's me keeping her safe.

Blimey....can't write any more as i'm welling up as we speak.

[raysparx]

Hi crisgal, I think the diary is a great idea,but also what is wrong with telling the ones you love,that you love them,talk to your kids and let them know you are so proud of them,and when they go to school or out with friends just say "love you" and give them a kiss or just a soft touch if they might be enbarrased by the kissing bit,hope you are soon feeling a bit brighter soon good luck and take care, Ray

[crisgal]

ray, i do tell them i love them! we tell each other. it's something i swore i would do with my children as it was never said to me as a child. In fact, even now I can't say it to my mum and vise versa. But my children are very comfortable with it and we say it every day.

But the youngest are 2 and 5, and if I told them properly now they wouldn't remember when they grew up!

Thanks everyone again, feeling bit better today, xx

[raysparx]

Hi crisgal, you are doing every little thing right,they will know how much you love them,they will feel the love and the warmth that is coming from you,I can feel it in your question and the answers you are giving,you are a lovely human being, as you know yourself kids know if they are wanted and loved,yours will go through life telling anyone who will listen, "My mum is the best mum in the world" so keep your chin up you are doing a great job, Ray xx

PS, I can relate to what you say about your mum never telling you,my wife has the same thing with her mum,sad isn't it? when I have said to my wife she says I couldn't tell my mum that,cos wev'e never been close,

[crisgal]

will I be able to post a response now?

[crisgal]

thank goodness for that!

I tried all yesterday to respond to you, raysparx, but for some reason it wouldn't let me.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for your kindness.

I wonder if your mum in law had a loving upringing? Maybe it all comes from that. My mum's dad was a nasty piece of work apparently. I never met him, he killed himself when my mum was 16. I've always put it down to the way she was brought up.

[raysparx]

Hi crisgal,

Thank you for that,hope you are still feeling ok this morning, All I can say to you really is that you are so obviously a caring and loving mum,just carry on doing what you do,the most precious things we can give our kids is Love,attention and listening and time,you can't turn the clock back so all I would say to anyone is treasure the moment with your children because it goes so quickly, whem mine were growing up,they are now 30 & 27,we didn't have much money but we had some great times just taking them to the park,playing football,swimming, teaching them to ride there bikes,they are lovely memories, Take care crisgal,good luck for the future, Ray xx

[bloaterbum]

Sorry to hear you are not well.I have suffered from this cripp;ing disease for years and although Ihide it well Ifind writing does help but also think it is important to find out why you feel down.My life has not been idyllic and Ifeel it is important also to talk to a friend or failing that a counsellor samaritains or whatever off loading is necessary.I do wish you alll the best.

[crisgal]

it's good to hear it being called an "illness" and "not being well". Sometimes i feel my husband doesn't understand that it is totally out of my control, just like a headache or virus. You wouldn't believe how much this is doing for me - just hearing from people who understand.

I've been trying to wean off my medication and have quartered the dose in six months. I've been under a lot of stress though lately - 3 kids, 3 jobs, no money, 2 bereavements, and a big fall out with my best friend!

So, really, I know the cause. I'm just a bit disappointed that i'll be back to square one with the pills. If i were still on the higher dosage I think i would have coped.

I have often thought about seeking help through talking to someone but always assumed that my problem wasn't serious enough to bother the samaritans - unless i felt like ending it all.

[bloaterbum]

I do hope you are still in touch. i have suffered 3 bereavements in my immediate family in 2 years and bot does that knock you about.What Iam saying is do seek advice and don't go blaming yourself for what bhas happened .Tablets are not the answer