why can't people see there own mess?

[ronnie3]

my friend and her kids live like tramps in dirt and mess and its disgusting. Today i was talking (gossiping) to her about someone else and she called them tramps they are by no means clean and tidy but compared to her they are fine i could see the disgust in her eyes and she thinks her house is a little messy but its really bad the housing and social services are involved. I spent a whole day once cleaning her kitchen for her so she could see it nice and i hoped she would try but the very next day it was as if i never even picked a cloth up . Do any of you know anybody like this and is it just me being prim and proper

[~posy-jo~]

there are lots of people out there who aren't that clean. some seem to realise this but some do seem oblivious. i personally i couldn't live in a dirty and/or untidy house. i drive my husband insane coz as soon as he puts something down i have cleared it away!! he prefers a bit more of a lived in look - not completely messy but he likes to put things down and have them left there til the next time he wants it!!

[B00]

I was on the verge of saying, it might not be THAT bad, until I saw the housing and Social Services bit!

Maybe shes used to her own mess and genuinly doesn't notice it anymore?

[andrea_h]

I agree!

I'm probably one of the messiest/untidiest people I know - but everything in my house is CLEAN! (no where near social services territory, I hope!!)....but that seems really excessive.

I used to have a great uncle and aunt who were like that - you couldn't even find a place to sit down when you were visisting and they gave my gran a cup of tea in a vase once as they had no clean cups!!.....Eventually when my uncle died, social services evicted his wife and had get environmental health to gut the place!!...It was really gross.

I don't think there is a lot you can really do - you've more than done your bit already, leave them to stew in it or call environmental health if its as bad as you feel.

A xXx

[smudge]

We think on the same lines then ronnie!

I am a tidy person - not boring - but just prefer to keep things tidy! I have always been like it, at home & when I was at work.

Having said that, I'm a brilliant Nanny who has a cupboard full of Arts& Crafts for our Grandchildren. We sew, draw, paint & cut out together - paper all over the floor, but I like to tidy up afterwards - nought wrong with that!

I've met some very untidy people in my life & you can tidy up after them as much as you like, but it won't make them keep up with 'your' standards!

I have a saying "Mess creates stress!".

[gessoo]

You would hate my house then, clean 'yes', tidy 'no'!!!! I used to be a tidy fanatic but have totally relaxed these days! Too many hobbies going on in my house at present to try and keep it tidy and too many pets as well!!!

It's not bad enough for social services or Kim and Aggie to get involved, but those declutter people and minimalist homes people on the tele these days would have a field day!!!!

Each to his own! As long as we are happy with our own standards and there are no health or hygiene risks, then it's fine. The happiest and most wonderful person I ever knew was my adored grandmother who lived in complete clutter and mess and everybody loved her to bits. Her house was always full of friends and relatives - she didn't know what a duster was!!!!

[shaneystar2]

Quentin Crisp famously said "After four years, the dust doesn't get any worse" .
There are hovels about as attested too by that awful programme Life of Grime .Aggie and Kim mean well ..but there is more to life than cleaning. I live in untidy happiness and basic cleanliness.
No doubt if your friends children are at risk healthwise then social services will step in and get her to clean up her act.
If the children are happy otherwise and fed ,clean and clothed properly and the toilets are clean than I wouldn't worry too much about it.
My Mum used to say that you have to eat a bucket of muck before you die.

[smudge]

Yep, everyone to their own!

We have lots of fun & hobbies going on in ours too. It's not at all minimalistic by any means, far too many ornaments & wicker boxes of toys to be!

Anyone's welcome in our 'home' - you can relax & put your feet up on the sofa like we, family & friends all do - but I do like it tidy at the end of the day all the same! ;o}

[smudge]

Did I detect an Ecchhhhoooo there????

[joko]

i am very untidy - but my theory is my spatial awareness and balance is second to none now with the constant stepping over things, lol

its mostly piles of magazines, books, arty materials, computer parts and clothes (my wardrobes have developed a musty smell so i don't like to put anything in them)

i am very finicky in the kitchen though and wash every that comes OUT of the dishwasher, won't eat any food after its sell by or if it accidentally touches a work surface - though its still an untidy room

[gessoo]

'Echooooooooo' Smudge. I sincerely hope you weren't referring to Shaney's reply being similar to mine! You are very defensive, noone has questioned that you don't have a happy home that's full of fun. Everybody has just raised their own points and is answering ronnie3's question.

Personally, my more laid back approach to tidiness has made me far less stressed out than I used to be. I used to get so uptight and tired trying to keep on top of things and used to stress my family out trying to tidy away all their things every day. Everywhere in our house are little piles of 'bits and pieces' from the various things they are making or repairing!! If you can't beat them joint them!!!!

[gessoo]

'join' them.

[unruliejulie]

I have somone very close to me like that. She is the lovliest, most genderous loving person, but she doesn't keep house so to speak. I cringe when i go round. She has had it cleaned for her in the past but she just goes back to square one. I love this person dearly but it never fails to amaze me how bad the house is, and steadily getting worse, yet she invites people round with seemingly no idea as to how bad it is. What can you do? I am by no means like Kim or Aggie, far from it, but there is a limit.

[gessoo]

Julie. I have a friend like this too. I think they just get oblivious to it as well. Also, they just don't see that it's important. My friend has a wonderful garden and spends all her time tending to it, winter and summer. She is also an excellent cook and has cakes aplenty to offer all her visitors. The house doesn't matter to her one bit. You can't find anywhere to put anything down or, for that matter, sit down, and the sink is always full of washing up. She doesn't care who visits so she obviously doesn't worry about it at all!

[unruliejulie]

sorry, i'll make myself clearer, we're not talkng a bit of untidyness, in fact its not untidy, just very dirty. Thick dirt on the floors and the bathroom sink is filthy and the toilet is gross also, the kitchen is awful. The cooker is never cleaned or the floors or anything. She has 3 kids and they regularly have tummy bugs, not sure if that is relevant but im sure it is a contributing factor. I am one of thoeses people who hate cleanliness being taken too far and i think it does kids good to have a bit of dirt in their lives but this is beyond healthy.Mess is good!!!!

[unruliejulie]

hi gessoo, cross posted there, my "friend" is also a fantastic cook and that is what she spends her time doing. Doesn't bother with the garden either and it has become like a jungle. I think you're right, they don't see it after so long, totally oblivious to it. What i'd give to get in there and give it a good old make over

[smudge]

Please don't jump the gun gessoo - I wouldn't have dreamed of posting anything like you suggest!!!!

The only reason for my 'did I detect an echo there' post, was purely & simply because (a) my pc was extremey slow last night & (b) every time I tried to post, my counter at the bottom of the page kept showing it was posting again & again & again!

Nothing more, nothing less!

[smudge]

....Besides, if you look carefully, I posted the comments in question, after I'd posted what I thought might appear on here more than once...!

[gessoo]

OK sorry Smudge, but it did look like that!! I was a bit surprised!

[unruliejulie]

are we all alright now girls? Its too hot to be falling out. lol

[smudge]

Thank you gessoo!

I'm absolutely fine thank you Julie - there's nothing to fall out over - gessoo misconstrued my post & has apologised.

I have my little Granddaughter here & she is playing with plastic tea set in the bidet, bless her!