fathers day , a bit wierd .

[Blyss]

on sunday I have my children with me , they will be here from the firday until the monday morning when they go to school.
My x and I do not in any way get along , as Im sure most regs know from my previous posts.
I am in a postion where as I can be a mean old bint and not buy or agknowlage fathers day and make my kids upset .Or I can call him or let the kids call him and invite him over for dinner that day ,, or for 5 /10 mins to collect pressies that I have bought .
Now in saying all this I know your all gona say ..to hell with it ..let the kids call him , dig deep in your purse and get him a card n such or let the kids make it .
but.
yea always a but
the past 2 mothers days and birthdays for me , my x has refused the kids to contact me or buy me anything with there own money , my son sneakily bought me a candle last mothers day and my x found it and threw it away , so my son couldnt give it to me .so although I want to apear perfect and do "the right thing". inside I really dont think I can .
want yall think??

[dot.hawkes]

play the long game, remember one day they will be grown ups and want you all at their weddings, ask them what they want u to do now, don't be the bad guy now and enjoy their future.

[Blyss]

I did ask them both Dot , they said ..naw ...he didnt let you get anything for your bday or mothers day ..so just leave it .
they both said that , but I do kinda feel they were trying to help me not be hurt , so I sujested to them ..hey we could ask ur dad to dinner ...and you can both help make it ..make him a card ext .
My son said ..no ..he wont come he hate ya .lol

[Redbel]

Blyss, don't lower yourself to your ex's level. At the end of the day your children will grow up and know mum always did the right thing.

[dot.hawkes]

it is sad when kids feel that but you do have to be the perfect parent now, and for several years ahead! but it it doesn't hurt that much and sometimes it makes u feel you have done your best, and that is all you can do. keep leaning forward, that's what my dad used to say to me all the time, don't let the trivia knock u back.

[rugeleyboy]

the kids may be saying that to keep you happy?

i am not saying they are,but when i was young i told my dad(who i lived with) that i wasnt bothered about my mum??

[Blyss]

so what do I do , I mean were still going thru court , Im taking him back to court in July , all to do with the kids , so I am at a loss , plus remember my husband is in the US just now and I am very much alone .
I want to keep my kids happy , but I also know they will not be confortable with him and me in the same room {have tried this and they just giggled a lot }
should I ust get a card and some toffees and ask him to come here for 10 mins ?
Or should I give it to the kids to give to him on monday ater school?
Or invite him to dinner ...{he will say no } even though I am I chef {I know how to poison .lol }

what do I do ABERS?
Dot???

[Redbel]

Blyss, how old are your children?

[lia*]

i think you should do the right thing. his conscience will bother him and make you kids rub it in (to him) that mummy helped them.

[dot.hawkes]

Blyss, it is Father's Day, let him see his kids, you take a back seat, tell him to take them out for an hour or so for lunch, it is his day, it will pay in the end trust me.

You aren't a family unit now and there are times when it will have to be about him, so let this be one of them. be the bigger person but do it with grace.

[ELVIS68]

You shouldn`t use your kids to have a dig at your ex,even if he is a sh!t to you,I`m sure there are other ways for you to let him know you don`t like him

[Blyss]

ok ok ...let me just add this ..the kids live with him 5 days a week .
so him butting into my time with the kids , and allow me to add , I happens every weekend I have them , for hours at an end . but if say there is a bday party that the kids are invited to where i live by there friends where i live he refuses to allow them to attened or anything else for that matter .
My kids are , 9 and 11 years old , and to be honest have had enough of his shit same as i have .hence the courts.
I want to be the bigger parent , I really do plan to be as well , but there is so so sooooooooooooooo much bad blood you couldnt possibly imagine .

[ELVIS68]

Then I guess it`s up to the courts to decide about visiting rights etc, but try and keep the kids out of the arguing side of things,no matter how much bad blood there is between you

[PinkFizz]

I think that inviting him over for dinner if you can't stand him is a bad idea,as the kids will pick up on the atmosphere.Im in a sort of similar situation.I have my son on Fathers day this year and his dad hasn'r been in contact for the past month but my boy is asking to send daddy a present.So what I would do is get a card and a prezzie,and ask the kids if they would like to post them to their dad so that he has them on Sunday,or would they like him to pop over and pick them up,and say that you truly don't mind either way.But don't lower yourself to his level and ignore the day.Rise above it.xx

[raysparx]

Hi Blyss,

I can understand the confusion you are in, BUT he sounds a right nasty git towards you, but you aren't nasty,I know it is hard but don't drop to his level just do the right thing,it is fathers day, tell the children you think they should give him a ring and make or get a card and little prezzie,kids aren't stupid they will soon sus who is in the right here, and that is you, Good luck,take care, Ray xx

[~Wingnut~]

Hi Blyss

God no wonder your not still with him, what a horrible situation to be in! I don't just mean this Father's day thing either!
What I would do is still buy a present (nothing too expensive) from the kids and a card and either give it to him when he drops/you pick the kids up, or when they see him again Monday.
At the end of the day he is their Father and if it were me I would be wanting to smash the present and card right into his face! but for the sake of the kids you can't.
You need to be the better person here like everyone else is saying. At the end of the day they are getting older and are seeing exactly how he treats their Mum, he's going to grow old and bitter, please don't let the same happen to you.
Come on here and slate him, vent your anger that way I'm sure there'll be a lot on your side lol

Good luck and please don't let him get you down, your kids sound very sensible and mature already and I'm sure they have their Mum to thank for that :o)

[angeldraws]

Why not ask your kids again but explain that you want them to be honest and not just say what they think you want to hear. Then, if they say No, don't bother with anything special or a card or pressy, just take it as red and do what they say.

Or better still, take them out for Father's Day and let them tell dad that they had a great time FOR him as they knew he wouldn wanna come......