funny, happy thoughts to brighten my day

[jeanette1976]

Can anyone spare me some happy thoughts to brighten my day? I've been SOOOO bored at work all day and i hate my boring accounts job. Also, feeling really down in the dumps as its my big 30th birthday at the end of the month and all my closest mates either have holidays planned or are too skint to do anything special, and i can't face going around Newcastle on a normal Saturday night for my 30th. Does anyone have any funny or embarrassing stories that have happened to them over the years? Absolutely ANYTHING would be very much appreciated! Many thanks in advance! XXX

[horsestache1]

It's Friday tomorrow!!!!!

[Lore]

The Tuxedo Princess........

I somehow managed to get my heel caught between the static and revolving dance floor.. not such a good laugh when everyone's trying to jump on the turn table and you're going nowhere!! my friends had to drag me to freedom!
almost wet myself laughing, I was there ages trying to escape!
Might not be such a bad thing staying in, this could happen to you too!!

[kick3m0n]

OOooh, let me share with you Happy Thoughts No. 104 jeanette. The stories you hear about a womans sexual peak being in her 30s is DEFINITELY TRUE! So, you lucky old thing you, just look forward to 10 years of the best sex you've ever had (no matter how amazing it's been up until now, it WILL get even better) lol. Now if that doesn't cheer you up, surely nothing will (unless of course, you tell me you took a vow of celibacy ;o))
Meanwhile, happy birthday for when it comes (oo-er). xx

[Ms.Hijinx]

you will adore your 30s they are so much better than the 20s when you are finding stuff out about life by 30s youve got it cracked and can enjoy it go to butlins for the weekend on an adult break with your mates its only about �50 a head or picture this my dyslexic b/f reading from a paper then asking me what hamburger syndrome was? he meant aspergers, my 12 yar old son naming his bum cheeks rosie and jim, my cat with a yoghurt pot stuck on her head or my daughter being upset that jesus died on the cross and my son telling her not to worry cos we get a new one every xmas!!! see how much fun the 30s are lol cheer up and happy birthday for end of the month

[soozmac]

not the Tuxedo Princess in Glasgow?

Anyway, I'm going to rattle out the same story I've used a couple of times to cheer people up, so I apologise if you've already heard it.

10 years ago, I spent a very happy year in Hannover in Germany. One night, I ended up at a party, chatting up and being chatted up by a very handsome young man. Somehow we got talking (in German) about my brother and how gullible he is. I said to the HYM "In English we would say that he takes everything in like a dry sponge." HYM looked at me with the oddest look of confused astonishment. I tried to paraphrase. "You know, a sponge. When it's dry, it sucks water into it." HYM's eyes widened, and I sensed conversations in the room pausing and all ears turning to me. Realising that something was wrong, I made a final attempt to make HYM understand what I was meaning. "You know, you wash yourself in the shower with a sponge." At this point, HYM leaned in and whispered "Do you mean Schwamm?" Turms out I was saying "Schwanz." Which means penis.

Needless to say, I never saw HYM again, but I often wonder if there is now a handsome middle-aged man in Germany whose ice-breaker at parties is the story of the strange Scottish girl who washes herself in the shower with a penis...

[PinkFizz]

This'll make you laugh!!
I was going out with my friend for the nite and on the way to hers my car needed petrol.Whilst filling it up,I noticed the guy at the pump in front of me giving me the eye.I looked quite good if I say so myself( clingy dress,high heels etc).He went in to pay as I was putting petrol cap back on.When I finished i sashayed into the garage to pay,wiggling and pouting,not realising they had just washed the floor.........I went flying through the air and landed in a heap at his feet !!.He turned round,as I was hastily trying to get up,stifled a smirk and walked out leaving me standing there mortified!!!

[Lore]

No sooz, it's in Newcastle... I didn't realise they had one in Glasgow!!

[PinkFizz]

are you cheered up yet??

[ELVIS68]

On that very night Lore was rolling around the floor, there was an unknown group called The Arctic Monkeys who just so happened to see her antics

After a few minutes scribbling down words on the back of a beermat, they came up with a song called ...I Bet You Look Good On The Floor Lore

However...the record company was not impressed and they changed it to I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor

The rest ....as they say ....is history

[4getmenot]

I went round my mums at lunch and she looks after my nephew. He�s just turned 1 so he started to say the odd words and sounds. Well my mum was telling me this morning the milkman parked at the bottom of the drive then started to walk up while her and my nephew were in the garden. They walked round to the milkman and my nephew pointed and said Daddy :-)

[Lore]

What a scummy man
Just give him half a chance
and he'll sing Elvis if he can
Can see it in his eyes that he's got a nasty plan
I hope you're not involved at all.


watch it you!! :P

[Supernick]

I got on a train a month or two back on my way into work with my newspaper and started to read. A pretty girl opposite me smiled a couple of times, and thinking "My God, this is my chance" I smiled back. This happened a couple of times, but she got off at the next stop. I sat back thinking "Yep, still got it", and carried on with my jouney for another hour taking in the tube and the newsagents on my way to work. The moment I got through the door, our reception girl said "What have you done to your face?". I looked confused and went to the toilet. Sure enough I had three thick streaks of newspaper print straight down my face. Train girl was obviously laughing at me.

[andrea_h]

Hi Jeanette,

I'm 30 in the first week of August - and live in Newcastle too.........don't know what were doing yet,either, maybe go to Whitley for a change, coz were bored of everywhere in town too!!

Last time I was on the Tuxedo, I got my drink spiked, totally insulted one of the managers from work and my friend had to get me a taxi home - all by about 9 o'clock!!

one of my other embarrassing drinking stories.....NEVER DRINK WHEN YOU'RE ON ANTIBIOTICS!!..........when I was a student, we decided to go for a QUIET few drinks in town......after about 3 drinks, I went to the loo - when I hadn't come back after about 20 mins my friend came to find me.....I was sat on the loo, crying and I had also been sick, all over myself and even in my knickers as I was sitting on the loo at the time!! - they had to take my pants off & chuck them away and get me a taxi home, I couldn't even remember where I lived, but remembered eventually - when I got back the driver told my mum that I'd been sick in the taxi and wanted an extra �25 - my mum was so furious at the state I was in she argued with him & told him to prove it - he was lying so she told him to sod off - by that time I had fallen asleep in the garden!!!......What a state!

A xXx

[jeanette1976]

Hahahahahaha! Cheers everyone, feeling much better now.... must remember to wash myself with a penis in future, ahhahahahahahaha!

I could write a magazine and get funny stories on you guys if #i had the know-how.... like the funny pages in FHM.

Meanwhile, I hope this page has managed to fill everyone else's day too.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX ;oD