at what age do you tell your daughter about periods?

[harriman]

my daughter is nearly 9 and I don't want her to be totally ignorant about periods etc but I don't want to scare her either. I would normally have said 10 years old except that she is starting to develop breasts and has been complaining of aches in the region of her ovaries. What other signs of puberty start before menstruation?

[shivvy]

Hi harriman. These are hard decisions however if you are thinking that you need to talk to her about it now, then you are probably right and now is the right time to talk to her about it! (irrespective of her age)
Whether it is scarey or not for her depends on what you tell her and how you say it. I would introduce it as something which will come along at some stage and tell her what to look out for (not scary) and then leave more of the detail to when it actually happens. That way she will feel comfy talking to you about it plus you have the opportunity to give her more details as and when she wants to know.
What do you think?

[cliffsweb]

i was rather shy about talking to my daughters about periods and growing up stuff so i bought them books on the subject usually as xmas stocking fillers when they were about ten , that way was easier as i could ask them... what do you think about this book, is it interesting? and so on and i ,d say do you understand it? that way we got talking about stuff and it became easier to anser any questions they asked.

[SaxyJag]

I would say when she starts asking about or showing an interest in these things. Next time she has pains, you could just explain briefly what they might be - just in case her periods come early. Explain that all women have them and that it's really no big deal once you've had a few. If you still have periods yourself, why not buy some pads or whatever while she's with you, or ask her to take the packet to the bathroom when you put the shopping away? Tell her that her periods are a sign she's growing up (but not that she is grown up, because you don't want her 'doing what grownups do' before she's ready).

I would continually ask my mother about all sorts of stuff from the age of eleven or so up until about thirteen or fourteen, and she always dismissed my questions with "you don't need to know that yet", because she found these things too embarassing to talk about. I started my periods at twelve. We didn't 'do' them at school until a year later. Fortunately I had a good friend who put me right on such matters in good time.

I made a point of telling my boys whatever they wanted/needed to know as soon as they asked. Hopefully when they're parents themselves they'll be able to be just as open about it.

[noxlumos]

I don't think your daughter would be scared of anything as long as you approach it all matter of factly. We always let our kids know how everything works at a very early age, thus avoiding the situation where it all has to be explained in detail later and comes as a shock to them.Kids take everything in the manner it is told to them in, if you explain it happens to all girls and women and why and treat it as no big deal, she'll accept it as such and not be worried when things do start to happen.

[tradey]

my mum told me at 9,i was the same as your daughter ican still remember it now,she sat me down started off by saying your bodies starting to change into a lovely woman and when you start to be a lady you have a period,which is where you loose blood that you dont need,it doesnt hurt its part of growing up every girl has to go through it,when it happens dont be scarred just come and tell me,i started when i was 10 and coz i knew about it it made it so much easier,and when i did she bought me a new outfit.

[applebee]

I would tell her asap, because I think that it would be incredibly scary for her to encounter this completely unprepared. If you are uncomfortable talking about it, get her an age appropriate book describing the changes she will encounter. I remember having talks with my mom about it when I was just a little thing. She portrayed it as a special time, when I would start to become a women. I remember actually being inicially excited about it, because of the knowledge she had given me. :)

[Goodsoulette]

I started mine at 10 and I was well prepared for them and not shocked. I strted to get a normal discharge in the onths running up to starting.My mum must have told me when I was about 6, she told us when we were 4-5 abut sex as well.
I had aches in those areas but that I would have thought would be her hips/pelvis suffering growing pains.

[bookermel]

This may be covered quite soon in school, that is a good time to start the conversation just confirming what they have covered. I talked to my children when my daughter was 9 and my son 10. When my daughter was 10 I bought some sanatary pads and gave them to her to keep in her room. We took one out and she had a look at how it would fit in her pants so she wasnt worried about being uncomfortable and the usual stuff. I was really glad I did because she started her periods at 10 and 1/2 so young! Poor thing is having rather a hard time with heavy and painful periods and bad PMT! but we talked about that as well, but in a humourous way so as not to be to scary. It was also good for my son because he knows not to aggravate her, and not to comment ;-)

[harriman]

Thanks for the advice folks. I think I need to bite the bullet and get on with it! We generally have a good, communicative relationship - its just trying to find the time away from her younger brothers and sister.
I think its me that has more of the problem having to accept the fact that she is growing up!

[t-dollaz]

well i am 9 years. old but i have started my period
and you do have to take it serios with you girl child
because if she do not know it will be very anoyed if they have not started it is yet. so be pepred to tell them

[t-dollaz]

well i am nine and i have started my period but i
do think it is a good ider to tell them because if you do not
when it happends to them it will be very hard to tell
you as a perant so be paperedd to tell them and make
shore that you buy there pads at age of 8 or 9 because
you do not know when it when will happen so do not
call me mad because it can happen now. so all ways keep
them preperd and you be perderd is well

[lorraine29]

I would tell her asap, I was raised solely by my dad who overall was very good at discussing these things with me but unfortunately i started really early aged 9 so he hadn't felt the need to discuss it with me so soon, i was absolutely petrified when i started to bleed and daren't tell anyone. He was wonderful when he did realise and talked to me about it, then took me to the chemist and asked a female assistant for advise, privately with me , on what i should use.
I'm now feeling concerned as my 9 yr old daughter, who i have discussed it all with has spotted a couple of times this week, not sure whether to ignore it in case it is something unrelated, a scratch or something, or to make a big deal out of it then find out it is nothing.

Lorraine x