getting out of a rut.

[steve208]

i know some of you may have seen me post job related things before but this is more emotional. Have you been in a rut and if so how have you got out of it? and i am very depressed at the moment so can anyone tell me of how great things are for them now if they have come from a time when they felt very low.
thanks

[mazie]

I've felt very low in the past had panic attacks and been really bad...got right to the bottom before I came up to the top....decided the top was so much better than the bottom. Lost a few dear friends along the way and though "**** it, lives much to short to worry" so I don't

It's not as easy as it sounds, but try and think of the worse senario any one can give you...I dont know..but along the line of " you have 2 weeks to live" thats going to make your present circumstances seem pretty tolarable <hopefully>

[Salamanda]

Ive been through some tough times lately, things are picking up for me now. Surrround yourself with friends or relatives that you are close to. Keep yourself busy. Make the most of your life because theres no way out of it (ending it is not an option just hurts everyone who loves you and is very selfish- otherwise i would have done it long ago) It will soon all be over & you can then rest at ease but meanwhile, take it easy. Chat to us here on AB, people here care!! Let us know you are OK xxxamandaxxx

[Dollie]

Hi Steve - hows the counselling going - it seems from your post that it isn't helping as yet. You have the ability to pull yourself out of this. You have family and a job but haven't got a positive attitude which I think is the key to pulling yourself out of a rut. Perhaps you need to ask your doc for a referral to a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist which is counselling but on a much more directive scale and will help you to make changes quickly. Be strong Steve and keep looking for solutions. I have pulled out of a very black hole by sheer determination, Prozac and counselling and my life could not be better now. It took me well over a year to do it but I didn't give in, even though there were times when I felt it would have been easier to run the car into a wall. Please keep focused and go back to your doc and ask for more help. Chin up my lovely. Doll xx

[mazie]

Try and take each day as it comes, set your self a goal for each day, it doesn't have to be a big thing..it could be something like "I'm going to smile and say hello to at least one stranger today" Life is good and a year can make one hell of a difference and in the great scheme of things , it aint such a long time

you'll be fine, just dont give in to it and let someone or something beat you :o)

[Salamanda]

Drugs are not the answer though. I really am against taking medication for depression. I know people on it and they are owrse than ever. You can do it without drugs.

[steve208]

hey hey dollie,

well i only had my first counselling session last week and i ended up just splurging lots and not concentrating on one thing. hum the counsellor was ok i suppose he seemed raher quiet though...i know im supposed to talk and he is there for me to find my own solutions but still. Anyway early days yet got another session this thursday and is every week, though im not sure i will have much to say and dont know if i need it but maybe i do as things build up and not all issues come to mind all the time.

This week has gone quite well so far but still rather down. At the beginning of the week i said to my very unsympathetic ex gf that it must get to her me keep texting her and being so down. she said yes and that i should just be more active in sorting things out. so i thought well i can be and inside me there is that ability ive demonstrated it before while at uni i was very confident.

So i made a list of all the things that would be good to do that would move me forward. there is no priority on the list its more like a menu to pick and tick. it tells me i am making progress if i am able to do things on the list.

monday i went to see a careers advisor at the local college and then at local uni. neither helped much as its up to me to decide what to do job wise but they did get me back on track and will go back to voluntary work while applying for jobs i want to do and try to get out of the rut of a rubbish job.

[steve208]

thanks mazie,

that is what i am trying to do at the moment. Though saying that you are right about the difference a year can make. This time last year i had just graduated from uni was on a high and even after not being able to get job i wanted was not too disheartened to have to go back to my old part time shop job and do voluntary work to get office experience. But i said to myself well ok if i have a year of this its not too bad then i can move on if i have the experience. I said i would pay off some of my bank and credit card debt which i have gain experience which i have (two different voluntary places worked at) BUT said i would make some friends which i have not done.

so now its so much harder to say well its just a year what difference could it make well at the moment im thinking not a lot. But if i take things a day at a time and make small progress steps then i would not have to keep thinking that i have a year to turn things around.

[Dollie]

Steve I'm so glad you've posted a reply as your reply sounds much more positive than your question above. You know you have the capabilities of getting through this, you just need to reinforce it now with some self-belief. First sessions with counsellors are always emotive - you know I do the job myself and in counsellor-speak, when we are seeing a new client for the first time we always refer to it as 'verbal sick' on the first session. Not in a derogatory way, we simply mean that the first time they want to tell you it all and it all comes out in a burst like sick. Usually after the first session, the counsellor will lead you on to talk about specific issues which you have highlighted during the first session and you can pick over that until you feel you have something to work with. The counsellor is usually fairly quiet during the first session as they really are giving you the chance to 'tell your tale.' Stick with it my friend, keep on referring to your list of things to achieve, and keep upbeat as much as you can. Don't forget, you can always return to docs to ask to be referred for CBT which is usually on offer at your local hospital. Keep posting Steve so we can all keep chatting to you. Doll xx

[steve208]

thanks dollie.

erm do you think it is bad for me to take along lists of my worries or things that have happened in the week? also could i take along my list of how to move forward?

i think i just need someone to talk to though think my CPN at uni did elements of CBT, but i mean its just about self talk and learning how to look at things in a more positive light. Yes i know i make it sound simple there when so much of the time i have a logiocal negative brain...ir it says well logic says it me at fault etc.

anyway will post in future to update you.

[steve208]

im so bad i just signed out of messenger as there was someone on there i could not face talking to. she emailed me a few days ago and ive emailed back but as ive not seen her for ages i didnt want to speak on msn as i dont like talking on it unless i have plenty to say.

should i have tried a chat?

[mazie]

you need to boost your confidence a bit mate..and yes you should have, sometimes a good slap is all that is needed

[steve208]

hum well at the moment until i can make some progress on some things like getting at least on the way to a job by doing voluntary work and learing about life in the office envieonment then i cant get the more general confidence.

[Dollie]

Yes Steve - take along your lists - we therapists are used to people sharing lists with us. Your counsellor won't be surprised by this and you should find it therapeutic and helpful. Doll xx

[Aliceband]

Hi Steve, I have been in the "in a rut situation" but what helped me was taking a few little steps at a time. Not tackling all the things that are crowding your head (which they were with me) but doing even one thing a day, which makes you feel you have achieved something. May not seem a lot, but makes you feel good.