Horrible bully

[Scarlett]

I am in a band with several very nice men, and a totally horrible girl. She clearly hates me being there, and would far rather have the band to herself. She has a massive ego and everything has to revolve around her. I quietly get on with my job, but she clearly hates the fact that I am also now doing some singing. She ignores me during rehearsals and monopolises the conversation so that it is always around her and her day etc, so that I am excluded. I have spoken to the leader of the band about how I feel but nothing is likely to happen.

Should I just leave? I enjoy the music and I know I offer an awful lot to the band. I have done the website, artwork on the album, publicity, plus I have done all the harmonies and vocal arrangements on the album as well as piano. I get on really well with everyone but her. I feel like i am back at school, and that she is basically a bully.

What would you do?

[kazza12345]

can you not talk to her? Start it off with something like "i feel we don't get on as well as the others do and i'd like to change that...."

[dot.hawkes]

It just sounds like jealousy, i would be the best you can be and the sweetest you can be and let her seeth away and show herself for the selfish insecure person she is being.

Dotty

xxxxx.

[noxlumos]

yeah just sugar her to death and after all the hard work you've put in, don't you dare let this bully victimise you and drive you away. Just pity the silly, shallow mare, she must feel very insecure and very threatened by you to behave like this. Mind you it's not that unusual for some people in the performance arts to have a bit of a "look at me, look at me" complex.Just stand your ground and quietly stick with it.

[electricblue]

If you can see her for what she is,,,then so will the others,,,,,
bide your time,carry on being miss pleasant,she'll come a cropper one way or another,guaranteed!!

[jno]

you've had trouble with her before, haven't you? As noxlumos says, egos are not uncommon in this business. If the leader isn't interested (what sort of leadership is that?), try explaining your misgivings to other band members. They may feel the same, after all. Don't bother getting into a competition with Miss Diva, that just demeans you. But in the end it's your decision: if life in the band is worse than it would be outside, leave. There may well be others who would welcome your skills.

[theren_911]

Have you considered poking her in the eye with a blunt stick?

I find this helps people to realise they are being slightly offish and cheer up a bit.

If you can't find a blunt stick of suitable proportions then a drumstick would probably do the job.

[Hellion]

Hi Scarlett my husband plays in a band too (rock) and over the years they always seem to have one member with and ego problem they call it LSD -Lead Singer Syndrome-
Sometimes the only way to fight ego is with a bigger ego so I suggest a great big hissy fit - Try telling them your leaving but you're taking the website off line as it was all your work, you've copyrighted the art work and they no longer have your permission to use it (just send it to your self and don't open the envelope is a simple enough way for this purpose), your withdrawing permission to use your art work on the album and that you've registered with the PRS (performing rights society) and although they can perform the music you took part in they have to (legally)pay you a royalty. Then stomp off and let them stew for an hour or so I'm pretty certain they'll see things from your point of view!!!!!

[vivalamojo]

The reason people bully is because you are getting upset.

It is not because of what they are teasing you about, it is the fact that they can see that is either hurts or angers you.
The reason "ignoring" doesn't work is because your face is transparent.

In order to make bullying going away, they have to see that you are okay with it. It is that simple and then it isn't fun anymore for them.

This is one of the most useful websites I've found on the topic and what you can do about it: http://www.bullies2buddies.com/