B*astard!

[bowannabow]

I work a few feet away from my ex. We split a year ago after 18 months together. My issue is that I recently discovered that he is seeing another girl here, who also sits near us and he chose not to tell me, despite me having suspisions and asking him about it on several occasions.

His relationship with her is fair enough, in principle, as we all have to move on but the point is, he has n't. He goes on at me about how lonely he is, still has feelings for me and he's not happy. I am very angry about this and the fact that he has lied to me for over 6 months. I thought, misguidedly that I was moving on and could get on reasonably well with him as 'mates'. Now i want to kill him!

How on earth am I meant to deal with seeing the pair of them every day?

[debbz1969]

Rise above it. Although I'm not aware of the whole story, it sounds to me very much like he's doing this to get a reaction from you. Don't give him the satisfaction of showing him that you're bothered. Hold your head high, laugh, smile and just talk to him as though he's just another work colleague. If the girl has anything about her she will be feeling very arkward too.
When you get home have a glass of wine and a good scream.

[teag1rl]

commit the perfect crime.murder them and dispose of the bodies-problem sorted.
On a more serious note I feel for you-he should have had the balls to tell you form the start. Don't balme you for being peed off with him.

[Nosy Rosy]

I'm with debbz on this one - don't allow either of them to have control of by being bothered - he's obviously a rat and she deserves to share his sewer because she's quite obviously no better - Reverse psychology is always a good form of attack - they'll be very uncomfortable around you; make them more uncomfortable by being nice to them; you can then enjoy them squirming...Good luck...and lucky escape!

[atolhurst]

If he tells you he has feelings for you then it's not on that he is now seeing someone else - perhaps he is trying to get a reaction. Although because I'm not sure of the timescales (when he last said that he was lonely and missed you against when he started seeing this other person) I think only you can be the judge of that.

With regard to seeing other people, depends on the dynamic of your relationship now. If it's a kinda - we tell each other everything because we see each other like really good mates, then fair enough. But if not, he is your ex. What hold do you have to know that kinds stuff? And why does he have to tell you?

That said, you have asked and he has lied about it. Perhaps you should ask him why he hdid that. And at the same time, if he has said he still had feelings for you during the time he's been seeing her, why he's done that too. 'Cause that's not fair on the other lass.

[sense4all]

Get a new job, he is a complete plank. Why did the girl not tell you? perhaps he got off on the cloak and dagger element. Perhaps he thinks you will die of jealousy and beg him to take you back. Stay away from implements that you may use to harm him.However personally, I would staple his tie to his desk then get out the scariest pair of scissors the company own ( you have the right pair if he crosses his legs ) and chop his tie to free him. Then resign!!!!!!!!!!!!

[atolhurst]

Am I missing something about the other girl from what Rozy or Deb have said?

I'm not sure why she should feel bad. Did he cheat on you with her or something?

[bowannabow]

Not as far as I'm aware no....... although who knows....I agree that she's done nothing wrong and I have no beef with her (though obviousy I feel a little delcate about the situation). I'm not really friendly with her and never have been just due to the type of work we do, so she is more easily avoided.

Atolhurst - he has been saying this stuff to me recently about having feelings for me and has been going out with her since last september so it is well out of order!

[Octavius]

I can't see what the fuss is about, your relationship with him is over so why should his new realtionship be any of your concern, whether he told you about it or not.

Sounds to me like YOU have an issue not him. Jealousy I think.

[atolhurst]

Well if you still like him, then perhaps ask him why he's been saying that kinda stuff to you when seeing her.

if you don't like him, highlight to him that now he has found himself in a new relationship, you sincerely hope it'll be the last of his nonsence comments.

[atolhurst]

Or even tell her. That will make you look a teensy bit jealous though - no matter how you deliver it. However, the girl has a right to know.

[bowannabow]

Octavious, yes of course I'm jealous, otherwise i would n't have an issue with it would I? I was gutted when we split up and I think any normal person would find this situaton difficult, particularly when the man in question has been winding you up and lied about things for months. I asked for advice on how to deal with it, not a lecture along the lines of 'whats your problem'.!

thanks all for your otherwise wound advice.

[bowannabow]

Sound advice I meant. Cheers

[Octavius]

Just do what debbz said then.

Doesn't make him a b*stard though does it.

[turboped]

Have you thought about hinting to him that if he made himself single you may be available, then when he is single tell him he has misread the situation.