Confidence

[The Sherman]

I really suffer from lack of confidence and it really gets me down, i always think the worst of myself and i really dont know how to better myself. i have read about how your meant to have a 'can do' attitude but it just doesnt seem to work for me. i have been single for a year and after my girlfriend left me it really shattered what little confidence i had. can anyone recommend anything to help?

[chrissiekins]

Take comfort in the fact that the majority of us are the same deep down (well, I know I am the same as you and others will be too).

Most people just have a good way of hiding behind a 'face', choosing to mask it rather than address it - I know it's a cliche, but it's true. My mum always used to say to me: "You think that everybody you see in the street is happy just because they are smiling?" It's a fallacy, and I bet others have seen you laugh at some point and wanted to be you.

Rather than trying to become something you're not (i.e this lively, postive can-do go-getter), focus on what you are already, your good points. I bet you are caring and a good person, and I bet you have a talent or two as well.

Try not to compare yourself to others too often, we all do this and this can bring down even the happiest seeming person. Do you have a hobby that makes you feel good? If you don't - FORCE yourself to take one up that you think you'll enjoy.

[plinth]

Sounds weird but sport is an awesome way of gaining confidence.

[The Sherman]

i go to the gym regularly, part of what i think will make me confident is if i have a good body. also i do love playing football the olny problem is im not very good and have just moved to a city and dont know anyone to play with

[plinth]

I'd find out about your local football activities, there may be some clubs who meet regularly. Do you study? Surely some of your fellow students like football? If not, anyone at work? In your local pub? Is it becuase the city is rough that you don't just wanna take a ball to the park and play solo until you see someone you think you could handle playing with, then just ask em or something.. Or go back the next time and start up a conversation. You've got alot to give, dont be shy, think of how good you are!

[Dizzieblonde]

Find yourself a hobby - even if it's something solitary, it'll help take your mind off things, and you'll have something in common to discuss in conversations with people. Sounds lame, I know, but it's a start. Failing that, try to meet someone who feels the same - it'll give you someone to bounce thoughts and feelings off, and help give you a perspective on things.

[David H]

It's a very common affliction to have an inferiority complex, and all a total illusion as if you add up anyone's qualities they nearly always even out but they focus on the good or bad. Girlfriends leaving are not a reflection of you, but the relationship not being right. If you find one who is right then she won't leave. Find a few things you are really good at and do them more, then you'll see what you can do well and not worry about the rest of the stuff, that's something which changes like the weather and nothing to take personally.

[spanner7853]

im with chrissykins. A lot of people put a mask on to cover the fact that they are not confident. I had a friend who was the same and there was a person at work that bullied in an unknowing way. I bought her a book that taught her how to be more assertive. I know it must be difficult but if you go in the library or a good book shop they have hundreds of self help books if you dont fancy joining any clubs. Good luck and have confidence in you. You need to believe in yourself. xxx

[The Sherman]

cheers peeps. its just i live in a city there is no-one at work i have anything in common with so no social activities there

the people i live with are ok its just i dont like sitting down i like going out and doing stuff and all they do all night is just plonk themselves in front of the t.v

like i said i go to gym and i go to a running club but there both not really social in any way. and with the confidence when i do go out i just dont have the nerve to speak to people so i'll drink to get confident except i need to drink a lot to get confident and by that point i'm drunk and no-one likes a random drunk speaking to them......

[chrissiekins]

Well, a good body will make you feel better about yourself but what's really important (and here comes cliche #2....) is your personality, and I really believe this.
As a woman I'm pretty certain a genuinely nice, kind man would win hands down over some bloke with a good body every time, and my girlfriends would all agree.
Where do you live by the way? Does your city have a gumtree website? it's the best way to join clubs and meet people in a similar situation..

[The Sherman]

I Live in Leicester, not the most attractive city and
im not used to not knowing anyone at all, coming from a small town
Also can you tell me more about gumtree website ive never heard of it

[chrissiekins]

You're in luck!....
www.leicester.gumtree.com

There are loads of different categories (try them all - loads of people seem to be in a similar predicament). Make friends, join a sports/activities team, find listings for things to do and maybe post a message yourself. Its all free too!

Just remember, there will always be people like you in a big city just wanting to make a group of friends because they're new to the area.

Let me know how you get on!!