Boyfriends Mum

[lildiva]

Hello,

I need some advice please, my boyfriend has not spoken to his mum for 7 years since he was 15 when she had an affair and left him and his 2 sisters who stayed with their dad, we have been together 3 and a half years and he has rarely mentioned her and made it clear there is no chance he wants to see or speak to her again.

His sister who I get on with o.k has just got a part time job in the same store as me and their mum comes in to see her quite often as they have only recently got back in touch, 3 weeks ago was my boyfriends birthday and she came into work with a gift and a card begging me to pass it on (I have never seen or spoken to her before) I said I didnt think it was a good idea, she started crying saying it was killing her not knowing anything about her sons life and asking how he could hate her so much I just said I was sorry it was none of my business.

The problem is she keeps coming back in mivering me to put her in touch with him I felt sorry for her at first but its kind of annoying me now. Its been about 5 times. How do I tell her to leave us alone. My boyfriend just said tell her to get lost I have tried politley but she keeps on coming into the store. I asked his sisters to have a word but she obviously hasn't listened.

Any advice would be so grateful and I apologise it is so long winded.

Callie

[oldwoman]

Can you get your boyfriend to write a letter telling her how he feels, which you can pass on to her. Seeing something in writting will have a greater effect than you keep telling her.

[oldwoman]

Great minds think alike

[yinyang]

Callie, wish I could promise you happy endings on this one - it's not an easy situation.
Blood is thicker than water but that doesn't mean we have to have people in our life if we don't feel they are good for us. My husband hasn't spoken to his mother for 12 year, Ar first it was about being hurt and angry at the things she'd done but after this amount of time he is totally reconciled to his feelings. They have both changed so much in the time they have been apart he feel the same way about her as he does any stranger.
As the others have already said your boyfriend needs to let his mother know himself what his decision is. It's not fair to expect you to be the messanger, especially at your work. A letter is a good idea - my husband did this, making it clear that he wanted no further contact with her and asking her not to use family members in this way as it caused them distress.
Best wishes.X

[lildiva]

hello,

thanks for your replies, my boyfriend won't write her a letter as he said he has told her numerous times before we were together he wishes to have no contact with her and he said something along the lines of if he sends a letter then she knows he has taken the trouble to write it when he really doesn't care about her.

We have never really talked about his feelings towards her its been a subject that when brought up is changed quickly
I am going to have another word with his sisters and if that doesn't work I am going to tell her straight .

Thanks again for your great advice.

Callie