what do i do? please help xxx

[daffidazey]

I am married with children. My husband and I haven't been happy for a while. I know that I still love my husband but I am unsure if I am still in love with him. I have met someone else, although nothing has happened with this person yet I think I am in love with him and he feels the same about me. I don't know what to do. My heart is telling me to leave my husband and give things a go with this new man but my head is telling me to think of my children give my marriage one last go. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I just feel constantly sick. Please someone just tell me what to do! I can't cope with this anymore. xxx xxx

[Neenee]

I dont think anyone can tell you what to do...

Only you know what is right, both for your family and yourself. You are obviously unhappy with your marriage, and now you have met someone you probably feel that its the right thing to do, its nice to have someone out there that can take away the unhappiness of your marriage, but how well do you really know this other person? You say nothing has happened yet? Im sure you do feel some love towards him and him you... Is he married too? But do you know this person really well, or are you just seeing the surface of him if you know what i mean. By all means, if you feel its the right thing to do, then you have to go with your heart, but im not sure leaving your husband and getting straight heavily involved with this other guy always works... You need to take the new relationship slowly... and leave your husband because you want to , not because you have someone else out there.

Would you have thoughts on leaving your husband if this other guy wasnt there? Thats what you need to ask yourself, or would you just accept that things arent right and just carry on with life at home.

Its very easy to follow your heart and feel that you want to be with this new man, but ensure you know him really well, and take your children into consideration. You need to be given a fair chance with him to know if its the right choice.

What does he think of your children, do they get on well together? Has he even met them yet?

A new relatiosnhip is always very different when its just the two of you, to when there is a family involved....

Its not an easy decision......

but i hope you make the right one and will be happy...

good luck x

[wonder years]

i,am sorry to hear of your troubles theres a saying better the devil you know, and the grass is never greener, but at the end of the day you cant just stay together for the childrens sake they will be far happier with two seprate happy parents than two together sad ones, at the end of the day its your dission to make. if you do split from your husband life will prob grt worse before it gets better, and even if you lived to regret the disssion, at the end of the day you did what you thought was best, its not easy what ever you decied to do best of luck.

[wonder years]

good advice from neenee too

[crete]

if you and your husband still love each other you could contact Relate.

[~posy~]

aawww hunnie you are stuck between a rock and a hard place!! you need to try and take a step back form the whole situation and really think it through. if there is anyway you can work on your marriage surely you have to try? whatever you decide i hope it makes you happy and you feel you made the right decision. goodluck xXx

[pmorley]

Try to remember what it felt like when you first met your husband, it was probably equally exciting. After time things do get very day to day in a marriage, but this will probably happen with any relationship, and it can be a good thing. I hate to say it but while it is all cloak and dagger and dangerous it is probably very exciting for this new man. How do you think he will be once the kids are being sulky with him, or giving him a hard time and you're living a normal day to day life with him. If you really think the relationship is over with your husband, maybe you should think about some time alone first.

[Amara]

This is a really difficult thing to face in your life. 11 years ago I was married with a 7 month old baby, one day I met a man at my friends house and I knew in a second that he was my one true soulmate. We met only 3 times and decided that we should be together, I left my marital home taking only my baby and our clothes and moved in with the other man. Everyone thought I had gone completely mad, but I knew I couldn't be without this man, I knew for certain he was my destiny. We got married 10 years ago this December and we have been through such difficult times over the last few years, while I have watched my ex husband become very wealthy indeed. I do not regret my decision and we are still totally, hopelessly and desperately in love. I am not suggesting that you did what I did, but I believe that you should always trust your intuition and your inner guidance, this will never let you down. Love and light for you - Amara xxx

[Catso]

You say you still love your husband, so there could be a bit of 'grass is greener...' at work in this. Have you tried guidance/counselling? Do you think the effort of this would be worthwhile? If there's any bit of 'yes' in the answer, then do try it before you do anything irreversible. Presumably you and the husband were in love at one time, you need to regain that and then move forwards.

Have you talked to your husband about your unhappiness with things as they are now? Does he know how serious things are? Does he care about your relationship?

But no-one can give you the answer - only you know what is best for you and your family.

[daffidazey]

Hi. Thanks for all of your answers. I do still love my husband, I just don't think i'm in love with him anymore. I think I have to try and regain that, I think I might regret it if I don't try. He does know things aren't good, but I don't think he realises how bad they are, he has a habit of burying his head in the sand and hoping things will go away. Thankyou once again for all of your advice.
Amara - You have definately given me something to think about. My heart is screaming at me to go to him but I know I have to think of my family first. I'm glad it all worked out for you xxx xxx