Father had a stroke

[an9elic]

Sorry this is a bit of a long one but just need to get some advice from someone. I'm an only child and my mum died 4 years ago which left my dad living on his own. He is very independent and proud and very stubborn. A year later he had a very mild stroke but wanted to stay living on his own as he didnt lose the ability to do things for himself. The stroke seemed to have caused some kind of tinnitus/noise in the ears but he wont come to terms with the fact that he has it, he is convinced that his neighbour is making the noise because they have never got on and he thinks that he is trying to get rid of him. I have taken him to the doctors who havent really been able to help because he wont come to terms with the fact that the stroke has affected him. Now the police have been involved because he has been retaliating and making noise himself to get back at the neighbour. He gets really upset/annoyed with me when I try to reason with him and thinks that I dont want to help him and that he has no-one. We dont have any close family around. I just dont know what to do. Anyone else been in a similar situation? any advice would be much appreciated.

[crete]

a visit to his doctor could be helpful to rule out any other reasons he thinks the noise is from his neighbours

[violetblue]

Have you actually been present when he says this noise is going on? You would be able to assure him that they aren't making any noise, although he probably won't accept it. I feel very sorry for you; maybe an organisation such as Age Concern may be able to help? Good luck with everything. X

[Kim A]

Have you tried having your dad to stay with you for a few days, or taken him away from his home to another environment? If, as you say, the stroke caused this tinnitus/noise condition, it should affect him wherever he is, not just when he's in his own place. It may be a way to reinforce what you have been trying so hard to get through to him - namely that the noise he hears isn't his neighbour trying to wind him up, but something that can't be helped. I do feel for you - it must be very difficult for both of you - my mum had a stroke, and it was very hard for her to come to terms with the fact that she wasn't the same person afterwards - she had difficulty walking for a while and she got really fixated on the fact that people would see her ewalking oddly and think she was old and infirm, when she was only 60. I do wish you luck in sorting this out for your dad. xx

[crete]

does your dad have any signs of confusion appart from the neighbour situation ?

[silverdaler]

have you spokent to the neighbour and put them in the picture ? maybe they could visit him with you to put his mind at ease. or have they really not got on in the past to give him good grounds to be suspicious. it must be awful for him though, whatever the cause.
is it worth considering alternative accommodation nearer to you or is he already in oap accommodation.
even if the problem does not seem real, it obviously is to your dad.
i do hope you can sort it for him.
i've just lost my dad and i am so glad we looked after him, even when sometimes it did not seem to be appreciated.
good luck hun
xx

[yesmadam]

Its hard and frustrating for you, my father in law is the same. Sub arachnoid haemmorhage and stroke have caused him to loose some of his reasonability and he does not accept he is not the same as he was before. It's like a mourning period accepting loss of functions.
Who is doing his shopping for him? or is he still independant for that? is the tinnitus still with him then?
You're probably going to have to be a thorn in his doctors side, he may need anti depressants.
Tinnitus can be stress related too.

[crete]

silverdaler, dont want to intrude and please ignore the question if you wish but i hope things went o k yesterday

[an9elic]

thank you all so much for coming back to me. He is very stubborn and wont come and stay or move because he thinks that the neighbour might think he has managed to get to him. similarly when I have suggested going to speak to him. when he has come to stay or if I have been there when he hears the noise he thinks that the noise is so loud that it stays with him even when he is not at the house. I think its psychological because when I go round he doesnt hear it hardly and if he hears a knocking noise he automatically thinks its next door, even though I tell him it was just the radiator cooling down or something. I'm just gonna have to try and get him out of there somehow. Thanks again for your advice everyone x

[silverdaler]

oh, thanks crete. it went really well. i'm a bit tearful today, but im ok. i did explain on the end of yesterdays thread, but thanks again to everone who supported me.
(sorry an9elic, didnt mean to interrupt your thread.)
xxxxxxxxx

[crete]

i also am sorry for interupting the thread but obviously missed your posting take care i know it is no consolation but i know how you feel today now im crying ! be well

[Ed Strong]

My late dad had a mini-stroke a few years ago from which he apparently fully recovered - at least physically. But we did notice a change in him mentally. He lost concentration and became extremely short tempered and frustrated, and as he was deaf (from the guns on board ship during WWII) this frustration became worse. He would often shut himself off completely by reading a paper or book (that way he didn't have to acknowledge anyone was speaking to him). I think you are going to have to write to your dad's doctor outlining the situation, explaining that the police are now involved and it's all because of the outcome of his stroke and insist that he is seen by a consultant who specialises in the control of tinnitus. Good luck. I know how hard this situation is. HRx

[Amber1571]

Hi an9elic,

Sorry to hear about your dad, but also remember to take care of yourself. Do you have a husband/partner who can help you when you are tired or low? Sometimes we put all our energy into looking after our loved ones, and forget about ourselves. x

[YvonneM]

Sorry to hear about your Dad it is very draining to have to deal with a problem like this. Can I just advise you to get Power of Attorney for your father while he is well so that if his condition deterioates things are in place so that you can deal with his affairs