Mrs Robinson complex

[Maggie-Mae]

Please help me guys, I think my teenage son's friend has a crush on me. My son and him are quite close friends and they spend alot of time together, quite often in my house, including sleepovers etc. Recently, although Ive never had too much interaction with my sons friend any more than "hello, how are you" - he's been going out of his way to try to talk to me when Im on my own. A couple of weeks ago he started a conversation about Big Brother which he rapidly tried to turn into a conversation about sex and asked me "what sex felt like". I was quite shocked and gave him an abrupt answer along the lines of "should only be with someone you care about" etc. When I discussed this with a couple of my friends, although we all agreed it was a bit stepping over the boundaries of the sort of conversation someone should have with someone elses child, we kind of decided that it was probably more just curiosity on his part etc and that maybe he couldnt confide in his own parents. However today, Im even more freaked out now. I was in the lounge alone and he came down from where he was upstairs with my son, came and sat next to me on the couch, again steered the conversation very quickly towards one of a sexual nature, asked me if I was wearing a thong, all the while appearing to be "touching" himself with his hand through his pocket!. cont.....

[Maggie-Mae]

cont.....Now I consider myself to be a very broad minded person and Im not saying that its not natural for a boy of nearly 15 to have a curiosity towards sex and may even be experimenting with his body in private - but I find this situation with someone elses son basically coming on to me very disturbing. After telling him that those are not the sort of questions he should be asking me, I left the room but how on earth do I deal with the situation in the future. I dont want to stop my son's friendship with him because Im sure generally enough he's a decent kid, but now I am uncomfortable in my own home when he's there and what do I do next time my son wants his friend over for a sleep over? And do I tell my son whats going on? HELP! Thanks in advance for any advice x

[mycats]

The first thing you have to do is make sure you are NEVER alone with this boy again. All it takes is for him to say something out of order (and not necasserily true, teenage boys lie) and you will have angry parents and social workers at your door!
He may be confused, but he is stepping over the mark.
Tell him you dont think it is appropriate for him to talk about these things with you.

[suffragette]

You must nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand and he begins to consider you his confidant in sexual matters. I would suggest you think of yourself as a teacher and always respond in the manner of a teacher. Do not spend time alone with this boy and stop all inappropriate conversations immediately and refer him back to his parents.

It is important you never give him an opinion on any sexual matter because it could be presented to you at a later date in a police interview and you would be obliged to admit it, no matter how out of context it is presented to you. The answers you receive on this question from other ABers may well concentrate on a worst case scenario, but just imagine the turmoil in your family life if this did spiral out of your control. Take care.

[ChuffingHell]

I would suspect if he is unashamed enough to touch himself in your presence (albeit discreetly), this probably won't be the last you hear of it.

So if I were you, I'd nip it in the bud by telling his parents he has behaved in this mannor and that you have said he should not be discussing this with you. Say you sincerely hope he has taken this onboard and that this doesn't come up again but that it does you will stop him coming to your house to see your son, because you are starting to find this embarrassing and awkward.

Then, if he tries it again, tell him you have told his parents about it. Hopefully that will be the last of it. It could be embarrassing for him (especially if his folks mention it to him) but as others have said, this is a potentially explosive situation if he starts telling fibs about it.

[Madgirl2]

I agree with ChuffingHell. In the society we live today, you really have to look out for yourself so I would tell his parents. In fact, I would probably print off these pages as proof of your version of events. Sorry if I'm scaremongering but this child sounds a bit manipulative to me!

[Mad Girl 3]

All of the above answers are extremely sound advice - do not go down this route with the boy! He's obviously totally messed up at the moment with hormones raging so any tiny piece of encouragement he gets from you will be misconstrued on his part. Avoid being alone with him and if it continues definitely tell his parents, however difficult that might be.

[ChuffingHell]

And as to your question about telling your son about it - I would. Cracking onto a friends mum is never cool and boys get quite protectivew of their mums. Peer pressure alone should stop this boy from coming anywhere near you ever again!!