Motorbikes

[Orangesauce1]

I had the worst call of my life yesterday afternoon....

Was just in the cimema with 3 friends watching You Me and Dupree when my dad called mid film. If it was anyone else I would have ignored it but my dad never phones me unless something was wrong.

My cousin had just died at the scene of an accidient, he was thrown from his motorbike and hit an oncoming car! He was 23!!!!

I am deeply devistated but I too have a love of bikes and even though I know ultimately it killed him, he lived for it... he loved it and he died doing it.

Even though he was my cousin,as my siblings are more then a decade younger then me he was my sarogate Brother and we grew up very close, we looked like twins (obviously not identical)

I have my DAC course booked in October! obviously has to be cancelled but I still love bikes. I ride pillion on my boyfriends bike but know that my family are going to be so upset and worried! Is it wrong to still want to do it?

Secondly my boyfriend rides like a nutter (a requirment for a biker i feel) and now I know that i will worry when I am not on the bike with him in case he never comes home. I suppose it has brought the dangers of death home to me.

posponing the test is a definate, but should it be indefinitely for the sake of the family or should I ride in his memory in my heart?

[libby1980]

It's too soon after your cousin's death to make a decision like this. Wait a week or two then see how you feel. At least your boyfriend might see that being careful is important, even if he wants to go fast. You could respect his memory by passing your test and riding carefully, and helping those around you to be safer too.

[raysparx1]

Hi Orange, that is very sad news,but you have to live your life,if you enjoy the bikes then I would say carry on doing it, I also lost a mate years ago when we were on scooters in the 60s, but we all carried on riding,only you know how you feel about it, just be more aware,it will probably make you a better rider,

The one thing I have allways felt is that everybody should ride a bike before driving a car, I did and I am so aware of bikers,conatantly looking in the mirrors etc.

[dot.hawkes]

Oh God this wasn't near Rufford was it?

[Orangesauce1]

No dot it was on the A21.... South East

Libby & Ray Thank you. I thinkk you are both right. Oh I am so much moreaware of bikes since being on one.. I also now know that the valuable lesson today is to realise how dangerous they are too and to repect that. If not for me then for my Family.

[Orangesauce1]

Maybe at 25 I am having a 1/4 life crisis x

[libby1980]

p.s my cousin died at 23 a few years ago, he was the same age as me. It was really sad, especially his funeral. Lots of money for charity has been raised in his memory though. Maybe you could do something similar in his memory. Hope you're ok, xxx

[Surreygirl30]

~hug~ xxx

[dot.hawkes]

Oh, well so sorry , we were at an accident scene yesterday in Rufford where a motorbike was involved. It is always a worry i know what it is like when they say they are going for a ride on a Sunday and they could be up at Devils Bridge in no time.

[rom]

thats really sad. i am sorry to hear that orange
my friend died in may on a bike accident and its devestating
but i do think you should continue but be aware of the dangers, life is for living and he wouldn't want you to stop what you love

take care xx

[Orangesauce1]

WM I drive cars to and I see everything from both sides but that was not what I was asking. Do you not think that having somebody close having there body torn in two is not enough to me to know...., and beleive me my thoughts are not only with MY family but with the driver of the car that had to see my Cousin die in front of there eyes. Nobody should have to see that!

I NEVER said that he rode like that with me on the bike, so maybe you shouldn't assume.

And saying it was a requirement is what 'I feel' and WM you should know we are all entitled to an opinion. Whether you agree or not is neither here or there

[rugeleyboy]

orangesauce.... my heart goes out to you!

i lost my best mate 5 yrs ago in a bike accident and it still hurts today!

i have never riden since the accident but yet still call myself a biker, all my other mates just carried on because they love to ride bikes! but when my mate died i could see the effect it had on my family so i gave it up!!

the time will be right when you need to ride again!

[janetsflower]

Orange sauce - so sorry to hear that tragic news. Only you can decide whether it is something you want to do in the future. My husband rides a bike and i ride pillion. He loves it but deep down i hate it. I have seen too many accidents and all the time i am on the back i am thinking of my little boy and what would happen to him if something happened to us. We don't go out very often consequnetly but i know my husband enjoys it. Its not him i have to worry about, its the other drivers on the road but equally i know with the best intentions in the world you don't always see bikers til they are very close. As my husband says, drive as if everyone else on the road is an idiot or out to get you, drive defensive and be very careful. You can't live your life wrapped up in cotton wool and you're family are bound to worry about you, even more so now this has happened. I booked my husbnad a track day at Donington so he could go as fast as he wanted - he loved it (I didn't ride pillion that day) so thats maybe something you and your boyfirend should do when you feel the need for speed but for goddness sake when you are on the road be careful of everyone around you. Whether you take your test in the future or not is something you will just know if and when you want to do it. Right now i would say its too early to even contemplate and if you care about your family you should consider their feelings too, with time they might not feel as bad about you doing it if they know you are going to ride safe

[RATTER15]

WM I should speak your mind whilst your at it!! lol

I agree with everything WM says but may have bitten my tongue on this occasion.

[CrazyDaisy80]

Hi Orange,

I sympathise with you and your Family at this Time. Anyone passing away is sad - it doesn't matter whether it was self inflicted or and accident. I agree with some of WM Comments in the sense that every Road User should abide by the Rules and think of others but I suspect that isn't really the Point here is it?? Also, you should do what makes you feel happiest, if you would like to continue riding a Bike then you should - as you said, your Cousin really enjoyed it and if you do then it would be a shame to give up.

Also, I know this is Morbid and a horrible throught.... Whether a Person is a Biker or not, they may die whilst they are away from you - so stop worrying, enjoy Life - surely Times like this prove you should live Life to the full??

Take care,
CrazyDaisy80
xXx

[Carakeel]

Orangesauce1, I am so sorry you have lost your cousin in this way. Keep the memories of him safe in your heart. We can all be hit by a truck tomorrow, I know. However, if it were me, I would avoid any unnecessary risks ... not just for myself, but also so that I would not put my family through any further unnecessary grief. Your cousin's parents and siblings (if there were any) will never get over this. Their lives have been altered forever. His family will go through things so many other families have to face all the time ... the first months and even years of waiting for that person to walk in the door again, as if he had returned from a holiday etc. Finally accepting that your loved on will NEVER ever be hugging you again, never smiling at you etc., is a long process and a very, very painful one. Their lives will eventually resume some form of normality, but the pain will never ever go away. It is mainly the parents and the direct siblings that tend to go through this, but others like you sometimes feel much the same, depending on how close they were to the person who has died. So please, think whether it is a good trade off - your enjoyment of riding on a motorcycle for the anxiety this will cause your family.... and if your boyfriend has any sense at all, he will not take you on his bike anymore either, out of respect fro your family and you. If he has not got that kind of respect for you, he is not worth being with! Maybe, if you are still determined to ride a motorcycle in 5 years time, you can ask your family if they are ok with it . But you will need to give them a substantial amount of time to get through this loss. Best wishes and be safe.

[TheGopher]

Harsh words from Ward Minter but very true.

I am truly sorry to hear your news and I hope you continue to enjoy your biking, but hopefully this experience will prompt you to encourage your boyfriend stop 'riding like a nutter' and putting not only his life but,. more importantly, other road users' lives at risk.

[sue11]

There have been some fantastic responses on here and posts like these always restore my faith in human nature with everyone's kindness. WM also gives good advice, call it tough love!
My suggestion on this: you definately not give up the bikes, obviously you need to be as careful as possible and get your partner to do the same. Is there an advanced motor cylist test you can take, that may put some of your families fears to rest?
All the best for you and your family, Sue

[Hellion]

Hi Orangesauce I'm truly sorry for your loss. I can understand the confusion you must feel and in my heart sympathise with what many people here have said to you, but my story is a little different.
At age 17 I decided to be good and stay in and do homework and not go out with my mates on their bikes, on the way home Jo(16) and Gary(19) died, Shaun (17)now in a wheelchair and John (18) so brain damaged he's never worked again. 6 months later another friend, Guy (18), died on his motor bike on his way home from college - he was an only child of older parents. At 20 I had the most wonderful friend (male though not a boyfriend) Ashley(20), we were insepearable, he was killed whilst following his dream of riding round europe, 2 months later Malcolm (20) nearly lost his leg in a bike accident on his way home from work. 6 months after that my boyfriend Chris (21) was killed by an 81 year old driver on his way home from work.

I'm now 47, I still think about all of them and as I get older it breaks my heart that so many people needlessly died so young, out of all the above accidents only one of them was the fault of the rider - Guy had a new bike and took a corner too fast - I still see Guy's mother, she lost her only son and now lives alone with no family and no grandchildren a lovely but very, very sad lady.

I have never been on a bike since 1981 when I realised I could never, ever put my parents through what I had seen my friends parents go through, and are still go through nearly 30 years later - trust me a parent NEVER gets over it.

It is for you to decide ultimately what you want to do - by all means go out and live life to the full, but if you're on a bike be aware that some else may take your life away from you......and in the process break your parents hearts.